Here's my story:
I've been working for this big corporation for 6 years. Our section got a new boss 3 years ago and through knowing her for these three years, I have really fallen in love with her. She is the girl of my dreams but then comes some problems...
She is 8 years older than me, also as we have a friendship like relation, she knows all about my divorce which happened 6 months ago. She really helped me out to clean the mess I was after the divorce. She really went out of her way to make me whole again, she took me jugging every other day for more than a month, talked to me when I was down and everything.
One huge problem is that our company would harshly punish this kind of relationship! Also her late boyfriend seems to be clingy, she never mentions him to me but I have heard from her friends that she resents him in last couple of months (which seems to be after my divorce), the fact that she never uses her phone when she is around me and never says a thing about him, makes me wonder if he is any important or exists at all. I once asked her if she has any bonds to other people, she told me there are no important people who could mean something to her. Then I asked her about "us", "the time will tell, just don't rush anything..." she said.
Now I really don't know what to do, I cannot interpret the signals she is sending. She finds excuses to meet me outside work, I also do the same! When we are out, I have tried to hold her hands, she seems to be ok with that but sometimes she gets playful and slips her hands out but not in a bad way. I have complimented how sexy she is and told her a lot as jokes that how perfect we are together. She always seemed to like it and wants to hear more. She had told my ex-wife that I am "the best husband she could ever find" while our marriage was going south. I remember my ex treated me good for a month after she became jealous of my boss's compliment! Also, my ex wanted me to change divisions as she was feeling threatened by her! (My ex is nuts, she left me for somebody else and then left him for another man, just in 6 months, now she want back in my life!!!)
She has always agreed that when we are together, we can beat any challenge & also have fun beating it! We really enjoy the time together, she has always told me that.
On the other hand, when I wanted to open up about our relationship to company's HR, it made her absolutely crazy and that's when she told me that I am not her boyfriend and we are just two great friends and if I do something stupid to make her career sink, she will choose her career over me. Of course, I was a bit drunk at that moment, opening up about our relationship to company's HR would mean at least one of us had to get demoted and transferred to another city...
Now, what do you think of it? Does she want me too? I have not tried to make our relationship to next level as I am not sure if it might ruin our friendship (in case she shoots me down). What do you think I should do?