I know I wrote there couple of days before, but things got worse for me. I was thinking about all my relationships, about the man I am attracted to and I started to blame myself excesively. I realized that I have no friend (I have people who I call like that but they are never there for me, but I am always there for them). I have to fight very hard for everything in my life, my father abused me, I was raped, noone ever cared. I needed "my friends" today - and it was a positive thing I wanted to share and noone came. My job is very psychically hard and even there I have to fight every day for myself.
I have done many mistakes so far, I don't know what to do, I really want to go to bed and never wake up.