Is it over?

[jelkob2]

Okay first things first. I live in the UK, she lives in the US, so it's long distance.

I've been getting to know her for 8 months. A few months after talking non stop, videos, pictures, etc. She said she loves me, and I'm the first person she trusts, but before getting into a relationship, we should meet and see how things go. She said if things got really serious, she would consider moving, and it would be best for her to move since there's not many opportunities where she is. I'm not sure in person, but online she gets a lot of male attention. She's sent me text messages and stuff other guys sent to her, and she always turns them down, but as usual guys keep going in.

Up until February there wasn't many problems. There was a guy interested in her, she told him she wasn't interested, and they met up a few times. He kept buying her gifts and such, until one day they had an argument and she deleted him. She then thought one day I was being distant, and was upset saying I wasn't talking much... but in fact I was booking a trip to go see her. So, eventually I done it. Spent £1300-1400 on a trip. She planned everything out for me for when I get there. I was basically going to be spending time with her, her family, and her closest friend. Her Dad has a beach house, so we were going to go there for a day also. Once we were being more public with each other, a lot of people got involved. Friends and family both ends, which caused some arguments, or us to be upset.

Over the months, I've bought her a things such as Jewellery, equipment (she wants to be an artist), I've also made a page and website for her to get her career started. She has people asking her to draw things all the time now.

Last week, she sent me a picture of her ex licking her feet. She said they still hang out, it was a recent pic, but she only sent it because she thought it was funny (she has a weird sense of humour). One of my family members saw it and confronted her, which got her mad and she eventually blocked them after saying sorry about 4 times. She said I was a snitch, and had no right letting anyone see, because she only sent it to me privately.

She then started giving me 1-4 worded replies, or nothing, not bothering to open my messages. She said it's a good thing she trusts no one and I'm a snitch. I've apologised countless times for it. I had an argument with the family member that confronted her, she said my family, and friends hate her, and she's the reason of breaking up a family because I said I would move out in anger. I said I would leave her alone. Afterwards, I started messaging a bit, because I have work due, and it was based on her, so I needed pictures and things from her. Over the last few days I was making emotional statuses, and she saw them.

She said we were okay now, but she just wants to be friends, no "emotional shit". She said she doesn't know if she still wants to meet me, and asked would I even bother going if we didn't meet up. I said I wouldn't want to, but I have no choice, I've spent Over £1300 to go, and it's not fair to spend that much and be on a 13-18 hour flight for nothing. She told me she was cutting people from her life, and she's tired of the drama that follows me and at home.
After this she deleted me, she said she was tired of seeing the million statuses and it was set to her seeing it only. I told her I had it like that, cause I wanted to vent, and didn't want anyone else to see and I didn't mind her seeing it. I said I would give her some space, and asked her to consider meeting as friends. She read it but no reply.

We both have two accounts. I have her "family" account added as a friend still, and she has mine, on the one she deleted me. I'm not sure if she purposely left it there, or had forgotten.

My problem is, is it really over? It seems really unfair to have spent this much time, and money, and not even be given a chance before getting there. I agree, that nobody else, should have saw it... but isn't she overreacting over a picture? She wasn't even in the picture, only her feet, and the person only saw it, it wasn't saved. Next week, her mother will be receiving some Mother's Day gifts from me, that I sent 2 weeks ago. I'm hoping from that, things will change but I'm not sure. It's stressing and depressing me, I can't really focus on other things. Especially when someone mentions her.

[Boisdevie]

Let's try to inject a bit of what I refer to as 'reality' into this nice little story of yours. You like thousands of miles away from each other. Now assuming you don't have access to either:
1. Your own private jet on permanent standby or
2. A Star Trek style teleportation device

How do you seriously expect this to work in the long term. Perhaps she was the first to realise the stupidity of this. And she said she loves you without even meeting you in what we grown ups call 'the real world'. Jeez - you young people are so funny - in a really ****ed up kind of way.
I live in the real world. My GF lives 30 miles away and that's far enough.

[surfhb]

Yes....it's over.

PLEASE! Don't become emotionally attached to someone online again. Your story has been told countless times on this site. I remember when the web really started to take off 20 years ago and how I predicted stuff like this happening.

[signal]

I feel like the question that I would be thinking about if I was in your situation is "Is this girl worth my time?". I don't say this in a derogatory way. I meant this in a way in terms of "Is there a future with this girl?", "What do I actually want out of this relationship?", "What are the realistic expectations that I can see this relationship growing into?", etc.

and Yes, I do feel like it's over.

When you say is it over? It feels like you have put in so much work [and you did! flight & website] to only see the situation end in such unexpected way. But rather than thinking if there was anything that you could have done that is different, maybe the girl is at fault also? People are immature sometimes [guys & girls] in different areas of their life, which hopefully they'll learn to strengthen in the future. From what I can see (and I can be completely wrong), it feels like she has a private life that she would like to control and keep private. Who knows, maybe that's why you guys are in different countries in the first place.

Thanks for being open and giving us so much of the situation to examine. There is too much to say, so I'll just say a portion of my thoughts.

On your part, I do feel like you are being a little too pushy, but right now what I see it that right now your whole stress point is based on her.

"It seems really unfair to have spent this much time, and money, and not even be given a chance before getting there. I agree, that nobody else, should have saw it... but isn't she overreacting over a picture?" - Maybe she is overreacting, and if that's the case, it's not your fault. You can't change her, and you are stressed because she isn't reacting how you expected her to respond. No one can control how others respond, that's on them to change.

I would say focus this on learning about what characteristics you want in a gf in the future. This probably won't help a bit towards how you're feeling right now, but maybe after the situation cools down...

[Boisdevie]

Yes....it's over.

PLEASE! Don't become emotionally attached to someone online again. Your story has been told countless times on this site. I remember when the web really started to take off 20 years ago and how I predicted stuff like this happening.

I think we've always have ****wits, idiots and morons. It's just that thanks to the internet they are easier to spot. And they seem to have less trouble finding each other. I just hope they don't start breeding. What with resource depletion and global warming we have enough problems.

[Valixy]

Why would you want to be with someone who enjoys so much male attention, accepts gifts from guys who are interested in her, sends you messages that she receives from admirers she allows in her life and even sends you pictures with her ex licking her feet? She doesn't sound like girlfriend material, she's playing you and upsetting you and this is not done because she has a strange sense of humour but because she has a huuuge ego and little love, decency and loyalty.

I think that losing that money and the time you've invested until now is nothing compared with the disappointments she could cause you in the future when you could be investing much more than that. She'd break your heart and she wouldn't even care much. Only a very selfish woman (if not very stupid) could send such things to the man who loves her.

And in case you think that she could change in the future, let me tell you that she won't. People only get worse in time because they start losing the infatuation they felt at the beginning of the relationship and start showing their real personalities. Hers isn't a nice one. Move on and be glad it's over. I think it's for your own good.