I'm in my 40s'; not sure what the age group here is. Anyway, I have been dating someone for 2.5 years. He lives over an hour away from me, and when I first met him, he said he was going to be moving to a city which is about a 1/2 an hour from me, so I was excited. I thought it would be hard to find the time to get together, and build a relationship, b/c of that distance, and it has been. After a year and one-half together, he still hadn't moved, and I was concerned. Whenever I asked him about it, he became defensive. Still, he expressed that he was unhappy with where he was living. (Another interesting fact about him is that it takes him a long time to make decisions. When I met him, he was planning to buy a different car -- that took 2.5 years).
Around the time that I was thinking of having a serious discussion with him about the distance issue, he was diagnosed with a brain tumor. So, I put my issue on the back burner and tried my best to support him during this last year or so. He is still recovering from The surgery made some things worse, and he is still recovering, but he is finally seeing some progress. Not being able to keep things to myself any longer, I told him how disappointed and confused I was about him not moving closer, and that I needed a break to sort things out. During this discussion he told me some things that he didn't share with me before: that he wasn't sure about moving to that city; that he wanted his next place to be a "forever home," and some other things.
I miss him, and have strong feelings for him, and probably love him. We share similar personalities and have fun together. However, I am deeply concerned about the above, and there are ways in which we really differ, especially in how we cope with things and solve problems.
I don't like ultimatums and I can't control what he does. So, the way I see it I have a few options: 1) do nothing, and see what happens; 2) break up with him. Neither of these feels good or right. Any insights would be appreciated. Thanks!