Originally Posted by
Valixy
We can't have everything in life and everything is not even good for us. So, no, you cannot and shouldn't have Brian and Paul back too. The relationship with Paul almost destroyed you, you're very lucky to have overcome that depression and Brian giving you all this love and support. Mentally and emotionally Paul can do to you too much damage and you might not have resources to face another disappointment from him and Brian might not be around next time.
You loved Paul and of course, not all those feelings have disappeared completely, your break up is still very recent, but you should see him for what he is, a man who can harm you mentally and emotionally beyond belief and stay away from him, if you care about your sanity and your ability to function like a normal person this is. What good is a man who as soon as he appears in your life again makes you feel broken into pieces and cry all day long? He is an ''energy vampire'' who takes away all your strength and happiness and leaves you empty and wounded. This is not much different from a man who's physically violent with a woman, because tell me, what's the difference between ending in hospital and undergoing a long recovery for a few broken bones or psychological problems because of a supposed lover? Avoid him completely!
I personally don't believe that you still love him anyway, you're mostly experiencing consequences of the emotional trauma you suffered and wished he could somehow make things better for you because he caused you all that pain in the first place (and your own inability to face the break up of course), but he is not your healing solution. Your common sense, love for yourself and good healthy decisions are.