Why does she lie to me.. WHYY.. Is she cheating on me. I need help please

[Candymancan]

Hey guys.. I know your all going to tell me.. the red flags are there.. why am I with her.. but that's the thing.. I see all the red flags.. I know things are off... but I still love her so much and so deeply I feel like I want to spend my life with her....

I met her on a dating website Nov the 9th 2013.. Our first date was at the Mall on the 11th. We had... the best date I have ever been on.. like we clicked immediately I have never been with a woman like this. We clicked so much she was actually the aggressor lol.. I remember she grabbed my hand on our first date. she kissed me, I dropped her off at her house and she jumped in my lap and we made out for over an hour lol.. Things were great in the beginning.. better then great, amazing. I fell in love with her so quickly and she did as well. I made her laugh the minute we started talking. The first message I sent her in a text on the 9th. She laughed.. that is what sparked the whole thing and ever since I always made her happy, and smile and laugh. She told me she fell in love with me because im very fun to be around and extremely nice..

We started going a little fast in the relationship.. We just brought up kids and marriage like all couples do.. nothing serious but talked about it briefly.. and since we did she wanted to have a baby and get married... and so did I. she kept hinting at me saying my finger is bare and quotes a song saying he put a ring on it.. stuff like that lol.. I got her a ring and asked her to marry me. We looked at places to live and planned a baby... she got pregnant the first month... but things started to change in that month before she got pregnant.. she got distant a little.. started fights for no reason. Hated things about me that she once loved.. I didn't get it. She then setup an abortion behing my back and told me she was getting one AFTER we just had sex.. we had sex. she showed me the pos test and then says she is getting an abortion... I could not understand why.. I tried all I could to change her mind but she did it. I was with her at every appointment and supported her.. she made every excuse to why she wanted it.. she didn't want to be sick or go on maternity leave like she did her last son.. and I had also just lost my job at the time..

For the next 4 months things were rocky.. but we still had great days as well. However there was more bad then good.. She started distancing me from her.. we stopped having sex, it wasn't me like literally she would NEVER invite me over at her house. She was staying with her parents and had no problem sneaking me in the basement before.. before we had sex and cuddled and I slept over almost every night... Now it stopped completetly, I understand the abortion she needed time to heal and it was probably more emotional for her then me. But she didn't even want to cuddle or be close.. She made any excuse possible to not have me over. Or come over to my house and if I questioned them because they didn't make sense she gets defensive and breaks up with me. I had to deal with this for 4 months..

I started to suspect she was cheating on me. For good reason too.. why not cuddle or have sex anymore. unless you are getting it elsewhere. When we did have a random cuddle or intimate moment she was afraid of my precum and never was before. she was deathly afraid to get pregnant.. She also NEVER would let me see her son.. were together a year and I still have not met him.. She has split custody so she told me but she also does a co-parenting thing every sunday with her ex so the kid wont get confused she said.. Court ordered, but I started to suspect she never had split custody. Pictures on facebook she posts from the last year in half are ONLY.. ONLY from her "coparent" thing on sunday.. Why doesn't she have pics of him when she supposedly has him for 3 weeks. I asked randomly when she makes excuses to not see me because she has her son.. Hey can I see a pic of you and your cute little boy.. and she never would. NEVER..

Other things... we had lots of arguments.. one night she tossed the ring at me and we never got engaged again.. eventually she friend zoned me and it came to a halt there.. We still dated and went out but then she started lying to me more. Like she gets a new apartment in D.C and a new job in D.C doing property management.. but would never invite me at her place.. I never have seen it too this day.. and she would refuse to tell me where she actually worked.. One day I took her to a hockey game and she had to leave early.. at 9pm in the 2nd period because of a early day at work 5am she claimed. So we left and I took the metro back to Virginia.. the next day she asks if I can pick her at the metro at 9AM and take her to her parents house.. I did and she has the same cloths on from the day prior at that hockey game. I asked her about that and she says its because she still has no cloths at her apartment... okayyy... but she had to work at 5AM... its 9:30 now.. why aren't you at work.. and why would you go to work with caps gear on... I drop her off at her parents house and she changes cloths and even showers... and I drop her at the metro and she went to work.... To me that means she went to someones house that night.. where the **** did you go that night I asked and she swares she never went anywhere but her apartment..

Other suspicions like last month.. she buys birth control sponges in front of me. and I asked who are those for ??? She says well I cant keep you in the cage forever.. meaning she wants to have sex with me. But we never do.. the next day she calls me saying she might have to stay late at work because it started raining hard.. Property management has to deal with flooded basements ect. So what happens ? She stays late... She gets off normally at 5pm.. so 6 and 7 and 8 come.. I hear nothing from her. so I call but she flicks end call on me 3 times... then she texts me saying she is dealing with a flooded basement and is on the phone with a contractor.. 9 comes. she says she will call me soon... 10-11 comes.. I call her and her phone is actually off this time.. then I send her some nasty e-mails.. now I know who the birth control was for have a nice night bitch... stuff like that.. she calls at 12 saying her phone died and she just got home.. and breaks up with me.

Then we get back together 3-4 days later and we have a great weekend.. but she buy more sponges.. and im like okay didn't you JUST buy a box.. what happened to the others.. OOOHH well I lost them at my parents house (we were in d.c when she got the second box so that might be plausible) but the next day is cinco de myo.. and she text me saying she is going out with friends... im like yea ok.. can I go with you ?? No I don't want you around my friends because you cant behave around normal people... wtf ??? So I finally leave her for 2 weeks.. Then I see a report on the news saying my girlfriend... her name.. and even where she lives in Virginia.. that she is going to hail for 3 years for embezzling money at a propery management job she worked at in 2010.

I confront her about this but she denies it... then 4 days later she finally tells me when were going out to lunch and she said I was right.. and she is going to prison on the 29th on this month... she explains that she really doesn't work property management in d.c right now and that she works at a Jazz club.. and she got the abortion because she got sentenced that month and didn't want to have a baby in prison. I agree and think that was the right decision... She said she has been pushing me away.. and being mean so I would leave and find a better woman.. but she said I was so relentless and kept coming back to her.. I told her... I still love her and will wait 3 years for her.. and I wish you had just told me the truth.. it would have saved 4 months of stress, arguing and suspicion from ever happening..

She said she was going to the beach on the 24-28th but doesn't want me to come because she is going with her son and she still doesn't want me around him... that kinda pissed me off.. I want to spend those 3 days with her.. but ok I said since its her last time with her kid.. She said a woman friend was picking her up and her son after work. and she was staying the night there and then she would drive them to the beach house her and her friends rented by pooling money... Well.... she calls me at 5:30 after work.. then at 6 her phone calls me by accident... and she in a car with a MAN.. and she doesn't have her son.. no 2 year old is in the background and she isn't talking to a 2 year old... shes only talking to him.. laughing and half the convo I cant hear because her phone is probly in her purse or something... then the car stops they get out and go to his fricken house... I call her and ask what is going on.. why don't you have your son.. who is this guy.. she claims its just a friend who is going to the beach with her and everyone else.. and she is getting her son at 7pm.. I don't believe her one bit... I asked her the next day again who that guy is... I also demand I want a picture of you and your son at the beach.. she refuses to send me one... she still claims she has her son... I know damn well she doesn't.. if she did there wouldn't be a problem takin a picture... I know for a fact she really is at a beach based on her facebook... but I know she isn't there with her son... so that excuse of not inviting me because of her son was another lie...

She claims she really wants to still marry me.. and have a baby with me.. and loves me deeply but wants to do it after she does her time.. she still wants me to take her to the prison on the 29th.. I asked why.. why not her parents.. her family.. she says she wants me because she wants to spend the time with me.. and on the 28th she also said she wants to spend intimate time with me.. because we haven't for the last 3 months.. basically meaning she wants to have sex and cuddle... she said even if she has to get a hotel room she promises on her sons name we will do it..

I love her.. like the first time I fell in love... im happy she is honest now and telling me the truth about things.. about why she aborted the baby.. why shes been pushing me away... but the other supsicions I have like that caps game and her old cloths.. her going to cinco de myo the night and staying late that night for the flooded basement... those were also days she bought the birth control... I asked her about the flooded basement night and she said once she charged her phone she actually still was working at the jazz club.. she said she was home to me remember but was said she was still working till 1am that night.. and that's why.. But when she showed me the jazz club she said she hasn't been there once it opened at 5pm.. she gets off at 5pm.. ok but you just told me you were there that nite till 1am working.. that makes no sense.. And the split custody kid thing is still a lie.. she used him for months saying I cant see you because I have my son this week.. I know shes lying about actually having him...

And the beach thing.. who was that guy... why still lie you have your kid there with you when I know you don't.. you even know I know and you still deny it.. I want to start shit about the hockey game thing too... but honestly I probably shouldn't.. she goes to prison for 3 years in 3 days.. so it isn't worth causing more stress... she said she will add me to her visitation and will write me and call me and e-mail me.. and I promised I will wait for her and visit her every weekend.. But im soo torn... I cry every single night.. I even think of suicide.. im seeing a therapist now... I see the red flags.. I see them... but I love her so much... So many lies... soooo many lies and being deceitful to me.. Its so hard for me to know when she is telling the truth or not anymore.. Like her saying she loves me... she hasn't said that in months since the friend zone... now the last week she says it every day... calling me all the time.. texting me.. Its hard to believe it sometimes...

Am I crazy for wanting her ? For waiting for 3 years for her ? I am in love.. but I am also hurt so badly from her.. I feel like I will never meet a woman like her again.. never find someone I click with like her the first date in Nov... I never have.. met anyone like this.. But I have never met such a liar before. I also feel like if I don't visit her.. I will be abandoning her... her parents are elderly and she says they will only visit maybe once a month.. maybe... and her siblings.. lol they wont come she said... and I doubt she has told her friends about this.. So I will be the only one visiting her she said.... she wants to order books on amazon and would like if me and her read them and when I visit we can have things to talk about.. She seems sincere... but im also afraid she is lying and wont add me to visitation like she promises...

I honestly feel if she does that to me and cuts me off like that I will kill myself... Uhg I need help

[smackie9]

No one on this planet has the magic solution to mold her into your ideal trouble free GF. Reality check: IT AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN.

***You need therapy if you can no longer protect yourself from bad relationships like this one. That is where you can get help.

[Candymancan]

I don't want her to be my ideal trouble free gf... what I just want is for her to stop lying and be truthfull... I fear if I wait for 3 years... and she really is cheating... or has.. that I would be wasting my 3 years of life for that... I told her.. please tell me... you have 3 days left.. tell me the truth... and she insist she isn't lying about the cheating thing.

[smackie9]

Like I said no one can do that......it is what it is. Either you suck it up and just deal with it or get rid or her. IMO as soon as you get rid of her you get rid of the problem.

[Wakeup]

she goes to prison for 3 years in 3 days..

I suggest that you go to a therapist and make sure you get as least three years of once a week sessions. Hopefully by the time she's done her "time" you'll have improved enough to see what a waste of your time the likes of her is.

- - - Updated - - -

why not cuddle or have sex anymore. unless you are getting it elsewhere.

Because you've lost attraction for the person that you once THOUGHT you loved but it turned out to just be lust?

[HeartIsAching]

So... wtf did you want to know?

Seriously, what's your question? She's a ****ing sociopath, she's jerking you around, and you've gotten sucked in.

C'mon dude, you can do better than that.

[jjwalls1]

3 years of torture?? I know this is awful, but one thing I have learned at my age is that if someone was a jerk, mean and hateful when I got with them...they were jerky, mean and hateful when I left.....if someone was sweet and honest when I met them, they were sweet and honest when we split.....if shes deceitful and a liar when you met her......she will always be.....THIS IS YOUR LIFE with this woman....IS THIS THE LIFE YOU WANT??

[Stay 2gether]

It sounds to me like everything your so called girl told you was a lie and i bet you she was never prgnent by you if she was and to me it seems like she only wants you now because she is getting ready to go to jail and wants you to probably send her money and visit her along with her other boyfriend because you have to know that she DOES have another man by now rite? and also the main thing is to LEAVE her and find somebody that can be honest with you and wants to be with you not just have you as a BACK UP PLAN because thats what she did and you have to STOP being so nieve! wish you the best on your next relationship because you ARE leaving her rite?

[smackie9]

Denial is not just a river in Egypt......

[Valixy]

This woman is no different from any jerk or physical abuser who is all nice and charming in the first months but a makes life a living hell a bit later.

She will never be like she was at the beginning of the relationship nor will she become better in time, because that's not who she is. Maybe it wasn't a calculated game to make you fall for her, but it's obvious she lacks the personal resources for continuing to be who she pretended to be.

She lies to you, cheats on you, disrespects you, steps all over you and she even lies about spending time with her child, something that I find pretty sick.

If this is the partner you want, then go ahead and don't expect anything better because she can only get worse. She is so messed up that she'll end up ruining your life for good.

My advice for you is to have no children with this woman and leave her if you care a bit about your happiness. There are sane decent women outthere that have so much more to offer you than a pathogical lier.