A few basic dating questions - How to ask, when to call after a first date, etc.

[TheEvilJester]

So, now that I have finally decided to try getting back into the dating world, I could really use some dating advice. Fact of the matter is I never really got to date, pretty much at all when I was younger. My now ex-wife and I sort of just naturally transitioned from friends into more, so I never really had a "dating" period with her. So, I never really learned how normal human beings date. So, a few basic questions...

How do you ask a girl out? In other words, how do you word it? Say I've become friendly with a girl and have decided I want to ask her out? How best do you word it to make it clear that I am asking her out on a date, and not just to hang out as friends? My thought was something like... "Would you like to go out some time?" or "Could I take you out some time?" But, could that easily be confused for just me asking if she wants to hang out as friends? I don't want to go out with a girl and have us both confused as to whether it is a date or not, and just be too embarrassed to ask. LOL! Or worse, one of us is sure and the other isn't.

Okay, now say I go out on a date with a girl and we both seem to enjoy it. When are you supposed to call after? Or, these days, do you send her a nice friendly e-mail? In particular, I've been giving the whole online dating thing a try. So, if I meet somebody there, I'd probably e-mail with her for a bit, and then ask her out. So, since we already tend to e-mail, do I just follow up with an e-mail after the date? And if so, when?

For example, the girl I've been talking to lately. Still not sure if I would like her as more than just a friend, or vice versa, but I figure the best way to learn that is to try going out on a date. So far, we've been e-mailing daily and have even Skyped a few times. So, if her and I go on a date and we both seem to enjoy it, I almost feel like I should wait until the next morning and then send her a nice e-mail telling her how much I enjoyed it and that I'd like to do it again. But, would that be too soon? Not soon enough? Would an e-mail be too impersonal and I should call her? I tend not to like to call people without texting first to ask if they are available.

Anyway, I'm sure I will have more questions, but for now those are some of the basic things that popped into mind that I never really learned how to handle.

[lalalita]

I like straight forwardness when being asked out on a date. "Let me take you out for breakfast this Saturday", "I'd love to take you out for coffee tomorrow night". If you ask in this manner, expect to be the one paying.

If you have a great time on the date, let her know! If a girl likes you, nothing is too soon. "I just got home and wanted to say I had a great time with you tonight and would love to do it again. How about dinner next Saturday night?" Putting concrete plans in action in advance really lets me know a man is serious.

[XyOh]

1) "Would you like to get dinner some time? Say Friday or Saturday?"
2) Call/text or email when it feels right and which ever form of communication feels right.

Why "Would you like to get dinner some time? Say Friday or Saturday?" is a great set of first date questions:
1) "Friday" or "Saturday" means "date."
2) "Dinner" means "date."
3) "Dinner" means "night" and "night" means "date."
4) With the above powers combined, you are Captain Date!
5) "Some time" means whenever she's free and makes it impossible for her to give you a blow off excuse. Which results in:
-----A) A blowoff. Good. Now you know. It's a rejection, but a rejection early means it's easier to get over.
-----B) A date. Hurray!

Call/text/email when it feels right
What are we, teenagers? This isn't a game! Sure, you're not a dating expert. But lets face it, if you have to play a game with this girl, why be with this girl? Someone might say, "Oh, wait three days," but that's advice from the 50's and all we saw from that decade was a bunch of civil rights bullcrap and chauvinist buttmunchers. You answered your own question. "The next morning I would send her a nice email." Only you have experienced the relationship the two of you have shared thus far, so you would know best. A nice email the next morning sounds great. Why? Because YOU know what communication makes sense between the two of you. Sure, an email may feel a little impersonal, but it's the next morning! And it's nice! Bonus and bonus. Don't feel like doing that post date? Then don't do it. The right choice is exactly what you feel is right.

If she responds poorly to this choice, I assure you, it was not your method of communication, it was probably you. I know that sounds harsh, but "you" doesn't mean you're not worthy, it just means "you" are not a right fit. Reverse this thinking and understand that SHE was also not a right fit for YOU and that she did you a favor by figuring it out before you did. I would note that quantity of communication is more important that means of communication. If you write and email, good. Make sure your responses back and forth are relatively equal and she is showing the same amount of enthusiasm as you are. If she is not, take it as a sign that she's not feeling you. THAT'S OKAY! You barely knew her. Aaaaaaaand moving on.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

[chinagirl]

"Would you like to have dinner with me this Friday or Saturday?"

If the date went well and you are feeling each other, there is nothing wrong in setting up another date with her that same night, like "I really enjoyed your company and would like to see you again".

If she likes you, she'll say "Great! Me too! I would like to go out with you again!" Then you can say "Do you want to set up the date now or we can talk about it tomorrow so you can check your calendar. Either way works with me. Let me know." And her response "Cool, what about we talk about it tomorrow?"

There you go!

Good luck!

[MrLoyal]

"Would you like to have dinner with me this Friday or Saturday?"

If the date went well and you are feeling each other, there is nothing wrong in setting up another date with her that same night, like "I really enjoyed your company and would like to see you again".

If she likes you, she'll say "Great! Me too! I would like to go out with you again!" Then you can say "Do you want to set up the date now or we can talk about it tomorrow so you can check your calendar. Either way works with me. Let me know." And her response "Cool, what about we talk about it tomorrow?"

There you go!

Good luck!

Hahaha terrible advice. Oh dear, you poor guy.

[chinagirl]

Hahaha terrible advice. Oh dear, you poor guy.

Speak for yourself whose GF's are clinically depressed and with attachment disorders.

"I'm wiling to forgive you as long as you can be honest with me.. I love her so much that I can let this go". Who's needy now?

Pathetic bastard!

And by the way, the healthy ones don't call you back... The girls with mental disorders do because no women in their healthy state of minds are sane enough date you and that's why the retards are willing to pay for a date with someone as pathetic and insane as you are.

[MrLoyal]

Speak for yourself whose GF's are clinically depressed and with attachment disorders.

"I'm wiling to forgive her as long as she can be honest with me.. I love her so much that I can let this go". Who's needy now?

Pathetic bastard!

And by the way, the healthy ones don't call you back... The girls with mental disorders do because no guys in their healthy state of minds are sane enough to date them and that's why they are willing to pay for a date with someone as pathetic and insane as you are.

You sound like a horrible person. I feel sorry for your bf.

[chinagirl]

You sound like a horrible person. I feel sorry for your bf.

You are pathetic . My BF by the way is a litigation lawyer who is 1,000 times smarter than you are and who's brain is 100% bigger than yours and who's penis is 100% bigger than yours because he's not intimidated by anyone else!

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Just consider rejection as a part of your life because that's all you're going to get from mature and healthy women. Bye bye and I wish you no luck because luck will never be on your side. Stupid!

[MrLoyal]

You are pathetic . My BF by the way is a litigation lawyer who is 1,000 times smarter than you are and who's brain is 100% bigger than yours and who's penis is 100% bigger than yours because he's not intimidated by anyone else!

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Just consider rejection as a part of your life because that's all you're going to get from mature and healthy women. Bye bye and I wish you no luck because luck will never be on your side. Stupid!

Yeah, definetly a horrible person.

I wish you all the luck in the world. You will need it with all the hate you hold in side.

[chinagirl]

Just be realistic dumb ass!!!

Sorry OP... But there are certain individual in this forum who's lacking attention and he's just begging for it. I'm just merciful enough to give it to him ;-)

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Yeah, definetly a horrible person.

I wish you all the luck in the world. You will need it with all the hate you hold in side.

I don't hate anyone. Not even you. I just feel sorry for your pathetic ass! And stop trolling someone else's thread!

[Exeter19]

for me, asking out is simple all i do is say to whomever, i am going to whatever place, party, club, event, concert and would they like to join me? or if i have tickets for something i say i have an extra ticket for this event etc i'd love if you would go with me. i don't care if i get a no back, i never take it personally and usually i get a yes. i mean if they somewhat know of you the word gets around if you are a good guy or not so they will have an idea of what type of time they could have with you. if they don't know you it is all about how you approach them, confident, polite, a bit of humor and be dressed decent.

can't you just send a text after you drop them off saying, had a great time, hope we can plan to get together soon. and then leave it in their court, if they liked you they will text back or call you making new plans. if someone likes you and they are not severely shy they will reach out if they liked you, if they feel it wasn't a match they will withdraw.

[MrLoyal]

I'd say closer to what Exeter19 said is more feasible and is good advice.

It also makes it much easier knowing the person some what.

[TheEvilJester]

Thanks again, everybody! Once again, I really appreciate the advice you all had to share, and once again there was some great advice. I think I have an idea of how to kind of decide on a case by case basis what is best. For example, as I said with the girl I've been talking to lately, her and I e-mail almost daily and Skype now and then. We've texted a couple times as well, but any time we decide to talk, we've wound up using Skype instead of a phone call.

So, in this case, if and when her and I do go out and both seem to enjoy it, I think an e-mail the next morning telling her how much I enjoyed it, and I'd like to see her again, would be the best bet. On the other hand, if we talked on the phone constantly, calling her, maybe the next night, to say that would perhaps be a good idea. So, I think in many ways, it is about getting a feel for what is right for the specific situation.

I also kind of feel like maybe in asking a girl out, I sort of should just go for it and not worry too much about what we both think it means. Especially for just the first sort of get to know each other type get together, I should just ask and take it from there. I think we'll both get a feel for how it is going, and if it seems to me like things are going well, then the next time I ask her out might be the time to make sure it is clear that I mean as a date.

Thanks again for all your help, folks. I know these are very basic questions, but again, I have no practice in this little piece of the human experience. LOL! So, I never really learned how to do all this stuff.

[MrLoyal]

Good luck mate. Keep us updated. Remember, don't pussy out

[TheEvilJester]

LOL! Thank you, Mr. Loyal. I appreciate the advice, and love the bluntness of it. I don't think that could have been better said any other way.

Honestly, that is really good advice, and especially for me. I've always been so ridiculously shy, and it really has only been recently in life that I have been starting to make myself get over that. And really, for shy guys like me, "make myself" is really quite apt, because that is the only way to get over it. So, I most definitely have to just go for it.

In fact, despite being crazy shy, when we talked over the weekend, I almost felt myself trying to convince myself "Eh... not now. I'll ask her next time." Instead, I shut that little voice up and went for it. I asked if she might like to go for ice cream sometime soon.

She said no and we haven't talked since, but at least I went for it.

....

Okay, I'm kidding. I couldn't bring myself even to ask.

....

Actually, I am kidding again. I asked, and she said yes. So, we'll probably meet up this weekend. I'm not one to be cocky or toot my own horn, but I've gotta say, I'm very proud of myself. There was a time when I NEVER thought I could ever get over my shyness. I will see how things go. I'm still not entirely sure if I could see this gal as a romantic interest or just a friend (or how she'd see me, for that matter) but I know that I'm interested in finding out.