How to introduce something new to a girlfriend?

[vashti]

I just read that the point is NOT to get her to orgasm.

I don't understand why I'd bother.

[Korder]

I just read that the point is NOT to get her to orgasm.

I don't understand why I'd bother.

Again, it would be nice if you did not judge something you have a 5 minute knowledge of. Not like I care, but that would be nice.

And about what you wrote, it is not denying the orgasm, if it happens, it happens. It is just that the orgasm is not the main goal.

[searock]

We are compatible so far. And I do not agree with discussing that asap. If I tell her now, her lack of knowledge in that area and short term knowing each other may outweight, and relationship may collapse. While later on, she will know me better, and trust me more. Hopefully understanding that it is not my intent to hurt her. Besides it is not like that is a life long comittment interest or anything. I am just interested in another way of making her feel good. It does require a great deal of trust, which we do not have yet, so I might as well wait.

Well, sorry but to me all this sounds pretty shady. It's as if you want to wait until she is more emotionally involved with you so that it will be harder for her to say "no". I mean, when you think about it, it's really not a big deal. Just a different way of having sex. So why are you so afraid of talking about it with her? Especially in the honeymoon phase, you two should be all over each other, experimenting and having fun together. If you are really sexually compatible as you say, she would likely be enthusiastic at the idea of trying out this new thing. The fact that you are so afraid of talking to her about it - and that you consider this to be such a big, spiritual thing - is what sounds off to me.

[Korder]

Well, sorry but to me all this sounds pretty shady. It's as if you want to wait until she is more emotionally involved with you so that it will be harder for her to say "no". I mean, when you think about it, it's really not a big deal. Just a different way of having sex. So why are you so afraid of talking about it with her? Especially in the honeymoon phase, you two should be all over each other, experimenting and having fun together. If you are really sexually compatible as you say, she would likely be enthusiastic at the idea of trying out this new thing. The fact that you are so afraid of talking to her about it - and that you consider this to be such a big, spiritual thing - is what sounds off to me.

Sounds like you are reading too much into this. Anyway, that is another point of view I guess. You might be right. Still I cannot just say that out of nowhere, you have to agree to at least that.

P.S. I realised that taking a course from the beginning is taking things too far, and it does sound weird. So I guess there is no harm in experimenting on our own.

[KingZ]

With guys like this walking around, why do women even bother dating men at all?

[Korder]

With guys like this walking around, why do women even bother dating men at all?

Same to you as well.

[basilandthyme]

Hopefully I will get an answer from some open minded people. So far it is just sad. Constructive answers please. If you do not have anything usefull to write, you may as well not write. That is to basilandthyme and KingZ

What is closed minded about learning from a book? I've learned some very fun things from books

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Again, it would be nice if you did not judge something you have a 5 minute knowledge of. Not like I care, but that would be nice.

How about giving a full story of what's involved instead of taking the easy way out and telling readers to go search it? If you want us to understand, then at least take the time to explain it.

[Korder]

What is closed minded about learning from a book? I've learned some very fun things from books

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How about giving a full story of what's involved instead of taking the easy way out and telling readers to go search it? If you want us to understand, then at least take the time to explain it.

I am sorry about my earlier comment. Your advice really does make sense.

I have been in a long relationship before, and I realise that after a while things can get boring and predictable if you do not make an effort to find new things to try out. I am a believer in giving as much pleasure as possible in as many ways as possible. What I touched upon in this thread is merely an option, not a stand alone thing. I merely want to explore, and find new ways of how to make my girlfriend feel good. It is not like I do not learn from what people tell me, and realise my mistakes. I really do, and I will follow your advices, if they make sense. This is why I am seeking advice in the first place.

[basilandthyme]

You're absolutely right that we need to make an effort to keep things interesting. And your idea could be a great one when you know her better and are needing to spice things up a bit. But at only 2 months in, you should have enough passion to keep things very interesting, so save the spicing things up for when you really need it.

You mentioned in another post on this thread that she doesn't have a whole lot of knowledge about her sexuality. So, teaching her what you know now should keep you going for a while

[Korder]

You're absolutely right that we need to make an effort to keep things interesting. And your idea could be a great one when you know her better and are needing to spice things up a bit. But at only 2 months in, you should have enough passion to keep things very interesting, so save the spicing things up for when you really need it.

You mentioned in another post on this thread that she doesn't have a whole lot of knowledge about her sexuality. So, teaching her what you know now should keep you going for a while

I understand where you are coming from. I guess I am just too impatient. Still, searock wrote that it is a good idea to discuss it from the get go. I am confused therefore. You are telling me to keep it until I need to spice thing up, while he tells me to move into that straight away. What is the better way than?

[basilandthyme]

Korder, there is no right or wrong here: We're just giving different opinions. The secret to getting advice is to take the advice which works for you and discard the other advice.

[KingZ]

Just imagine if your 2-months girlfriend announced to you that you have troubles and complexes regarding your penis, and that she wants to help you remove them by taking a masturbation course in which where some old chick is going to teach her how to properly jerk you off.

You need to address this point, dude. Read it over and over until you get it.

[basilandthyme]

Searock and I most certainly agree on not telling your girlfriend she has issues.

[Korder]

Searock and I most certainly agree on not telling your girlfriend she has issues.

Oh, I am not gonna do that. Besides my explanation back there does not have anything to do with my girlfriend. She and I are a fairly good match so far. I just explained about that type of massage (and done a bad job at that I guess) without any reference to anyone in particular. I am sorry if I confused you. All I want is to make her feel good, that is all.

[vashti]

Again, it would be nice if you did not judge something you have a 5 minute knowledge of. Not like I care, but that would be nice.

And about what you wrote, it is not denying the orgasm, if it happens, it happens. It is just that the orgasm is not the main goal.

Of course it is possible to enjoy the sex act, but everyone knows that the cherry-on-top is the orgasm.

Also, it would be nice if you learned to approach the people who bothered to respond to your thread without condescension. YOU are the one who asked for advice, and if there are gaps in our understanding of your atypical sexual interests, it would seem you ought to take the time to explain yourself, in the interest of getting more thoughtful responses.