He wont forgive

[lalalita]

Did you even read the rest of my post or do you go around taking snippets of what people say so you can misrepresent their views?

I clearly stated that OP should be 100% ready for him to not forgive her because she did him wrong with those words. I am simply pointing out that there is no point for OP to waste her time mulling over her words but rather use the time to understand why she did what she did (she said hurtful things because she was angry. Does that make it right? NO. But can we understand cause & effect? YES.) so that in future, not repeat the same mistake.

I am thoroughly confused as to how you can just pick words out of entire viewpoints and miscontrue them like that... :/

You're the one not understanding cause and effect. The OP's boyfriend's actions CAUSED her to say those words. She was not unprompted.

basilandthyme is saying that blaming the OP 100% is like blaming a women who is beat up by her boyfriend for pissing him off enough to do it.

Cause: Bad treatment
Effect: Lashing out

Her ex needs to see that he was the cause for her words and get off his ****ing pedestal.

[basilandthyme]

Lalita, by your theory, the next time hubby beats the living crap out of me because I am a shrew, I need to recognise that I am the cause of his behaviour?

[whyk43]

First all "beating the crap out of somebody" is in no way comparable to simple words to break up. It was not that dramatic and the comparison is out of order and irrelevant. We all react based on people's actions whether it be in a good way or a bad way. That is why we choose to break up with people, because of their actions. I chose to end things with my friend because of his actions towards me. But he said I was wrong. .and if there was that tiny chance I was, I didn't want to be like that to him. I don't want to get back together, just simply apologize for my words.

[lalalita]

Lalita, by your theory, the next time hubby beats the living crap out of me because I am a shrew, I need to recognise that I am the cause of his behaviour?

No, girrrrlfriend, I was agreeing with you!

[Wakeup]

Just like how a woman's actions can lead a man to beating the crap out of her, huh? Nice piece of victim blaming you've got going there

Wowzer; I usually don't disagree with you, basil but I do here. This guy was treating her badly so she let him know that he was and how she felt which is what we all should do when we feel we're being mistreated. He didn't sympathize but turned it around on her and told her she was being a victim and to lose her number then when radio silent. That's hardly the same thing as your analogy about a woman causing a man to beat her.

OT: OP he's not a good man and he's only wanting you for a steady sex partner and when you started to cause him grief by demanding some respect (or perhaps wanting more then just sex from him) he didn't want the hassle and so he's gone silent on you.

Instead of letting this man back in your life if he surfaces again, you'd be better off going cold turkey withdrawl from your addiction to him and start widening your social circle to make friends of the same sex and keep men for romantic endeavours only. Keep fooling around and sex for men who treat you well and want you for more then a warm wet place to masturbate.

Treat yourself better then being with a man that tells you to "lose his number" when you start to demand some decency and respect.

- - - Updated - - -

You told him you didn't want him in your life anymore and that is what you should stick to. In time, you'll be glad he's not got this hold over you anymore. The quicker that day comes, the faster you'll be open to meeting a man that wants you in all ways... not just for "fooling around."

Be well.

[Vertigo]

No, girrrrlfriend, I was agreeing with you!

No, actually you are disagreeing with what Basil originally said & agreeing what I said in my first post.

For Christs sake, stick to an argument not to your friend.

- - - Updated - - -

First all "beating the crap out of somebody" is in no way comparable to simple words to break up. It was not that dramatic and the comparison is out of order and irrelevant. We all react based on people's actions whether it be in a good way or a bad way. That is why we choose to break up with people, because of their actions. I chose to end things with my friend because of his actions towards me. But he said I was wrong. .and if there was that tiny chance I was, I didn't want to be like that to him. I don't want to get back together, just simply apologize for my words.

^
THIS is exactly what I have been trying to get across.

[whyk43]

He responded to me today

I had been stuck on the words I had said to him, and for getting angry. It was only one angry text I had sent to him.'I had apologized profusely to him and he had never responded. I finally told him that I was trying to fight for our friendship, and I was thinking he wasn't responding because he was still upset...but if that wasn't the case, and he didn't care, if he could let me know. I wouldn't fight anymore. He responded to say that I should stop texting him and he wasn't mad, he was done.

I think what a lot of you have been saying to me is correct. That he didn't ever consider me a friend in the first place. This has been a tough very hurtful lesson for me to learn. .and I hope I can grow from this. It's still such a bad feeling, the feeling of unforgiveness...but it is my fault.

[Wakeup]

He responded to me today

I had been stuck on the words I had said to him, and for getting angry. It was only one angry text I had sent to him.'I had apologized profusely to him and he had never responded. I finally told him that I was trying to fight for our friendship, and I was thinking he wasn't responding because he was still upset...but if that wasn't the case, and he didn't care, if he could let me know. I wouldn't fight anymore. He responded to say that I should stop texting him and he wasn't mad, he was done.

I think what a lot of you have been saying to me is correct. That he didn't ever consider me a friend in the first place. This has been a tough very hurtful lesson for me to learn. .and I hope I can grow from this. It's still such a bad feeling, the feeling of unforgiveness...but it is my fault.

It was not your fault. You were being treated with indifference and when you voiced your unhappiness at that treatment, he bailed on you. The only mistake you made was to still want this man in your life when he was clearly showing you that he didn't value you or the friendship the same way you did.

You did the right thing for your overall emotional health by telling him you didn't want him in your life anymore. That is a personal boundary we ALL should have so that we quickly get rid of (and keep them gone) people who do not respect us or value us in general.

I think your first lesson learned is that you shouldn't agree to have casual, non commited sex with anyone because you are incapable (due to your nature in general) to have uncomplicated sex (that includes "fooling around") because you want to put strings attached to it.

Bottom Line: Be proud that you had the good sense to look after yourself and tell him YOU were done first. Don't beg back someone you have told you don't want them around when you don't want them around you for good reason.

[TablesandChairs]

What's your fault exactly? He strung you along, treated you poorly and when you finally enough and expressed it, he couldn't be bothered. He's neither a friend nor boyfriend - your assessment of him was correct. Why you then began apologising is beyond me.

Learn to have some expectations and don't grovel just because you dared demand not to be treated like an after thought.

[whyk43]

I just wanted to say thank you for everyone's words...it has really given me so much perspective, you have no idea. I've never been in a situation like this before, nor have I ever had anyone cut me off before either. I just never thought it would happen to me, but I understand that is life. I just appreciate all of the advice, and I have really listened to it and taken it all to heart. I'm hoping I can do better and be better : )

[michelle23]

You can do better. Your worth may more than him. Hes an asshole! Good for you for standing uo for yourself and letting him know you wont be treated like an object. Theres men out there who will love and cherish all of you-not just your body