i keep cheating on him help!

[TablesandChairs]

If you were bi-polar, for example, it could be said that during your more manic phases, you will be more prone towards promiscuity, have a complete disregard for your partners feelings, a diminished sense of right/wrong and a higher inclination towards 'risky' activities - introducing the man you're having an affair with to your family and son, for example, fits into the 'risky' category. When you come down from that high, as people with bi-polar inevitably do, you might feel guilty, might find yourself lying to cover your tracks, feel depressed, not want to get out of bed...and so forth.

That's just one example, obviously the OCD/Bulimia should also be factored in.

You're asking for help but we can only offer advice; the help is up to you to seek. Sure, therapy might be fashionable in the US...I have a friend there who saw a therapist because her cat died. Whatever. But psychiatry is a legitimate field used by people the world over to seek help for complex issues. Only a trained professional can tell you why you do what you're doing and how to best gain some control over your life. Your flag suggests you're from England, not Somalia so I think you shouldn't have problems finding a psychiatrist.

[supertwonk]

i love the way you feel you can diagnose everyone with sweeping statements.. YOU TRULY NEED TO WAKE UP. if every man dodged a woman who has some issues the human race would be extinct.

getting involved with someone you shouldnt is an age old problem that will never end. (so you stayed with your first love did you?)
not every man who cares for someone in difficulty is a white knight co-dependant using damsell in distress saviour..

you have read too much jargon and actually know too little, you seem to think that every is in need of a therapist believing self help is pointless for me.. & most likely anyone else you are selfishly advising or belittleling or whatever it is you do here for your own selfish needs..

I MAY HAVE OTHER QUALITIES IN SPITE OF MY PROBLEMS THAT ARE VERY ENDEARING TO OTHERS!!
Regardless of there emotional state.

Sometimes for people it happens that they fall in love and later after a strong bond is there with genuine feelings for there troubled partner that they would feel like a coward if they walked away and deserted them in their hour of need!

Perhaps you dont feel love in the same way as others and are lacking the ability to stick by someone you care about when the going gets tough..

Love is different for anybody and you seem to lack any understanding of the pain caused from the seperation of someone you care for,.. if you did then you would understand that people may well fall in love for .. IN YOUR OPINION. the wrong people.. but people have many layers (you focus only on the negative) and also are completely unable to choose who those feelings of love will be with (NOW THAT WOULD BE EASY IF YOU COULD AY?)

I believe that the love between a man and a woman is as strong as any bond with children siblings parents etc.. would you abandon any of those people if they were experiencing difficulties or would try to help them, save then white night rescue them etc etc if the answer is yes then of course you need therapy for your co-dependancy and white knight traits and lack of self worth etc etc omg im bored now i doubt youll get my point anyway.

[Ms.Nine]

supertwonk - I don't understand what is it that you're really looking for. The topic is 'i keep cheating on him help!'. You got some advice and disregarded it. Then got defensive.
You seem to be looking for a quick fix but it doesn't exist. You're in the same situation for 20 yrs now. You want to have a cake and eat it. It won't work. I'm amazed your husband didn't walk out on you already taking your son with him.
Anyway as others already pointed out you should seek councelling, couples or even family therapy.

>this time ive told him i love my fiance and dont want him ever again. but only two weeks ago i had said to him that i loved him and just couldnt leave while i was with him because i didnt want to hurt my fiance again... so yes im giving out very mixed messages please help whats wrong with me?

>My partner is meek and boring sexually to me.. we do not communicate or socialise together.. we sleep in different beds (he on the sofa) we have not had sex since xmas..
im not sure why i dont leave him

That's a good question - why don't you leave your partner? What's stoping you? Do you really love him? Have you been in a relationship before him?

Also judging by this bit:
my partner has hit me a few times ( not many) and kicked me once.

you're in a physically abusive relationship.
If you think you can fix your reltionship with your husband and your son yourself, you're in denial.

[supertwonk]

I am the man shes having an affair with i posted the thread to get a different perspective.. All of the things you advised her so did i.. I responded with the answers she gave me.. Sorry but it has helped me no end seeing your response to her which is exactly that of my own.

[Ms.Nine]

Still, some of the points that were made in this thread apply to you, too.
First seeing how it affects your entire family why don't you remove yourself and your son from the situation? How do you think it affects your son? Do you think the divorce would be worse than what's already happening in your lives?
If not a therapy do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to - a family member, a friend? Someone whose advice you trust and respect?

[supertwonk]

Its not my son... Im the one she was having an affair with!! Recently.. Yes possibly i have some issues ill work it out but from what i can tell given all the advice given .. Which is exactly the same as my own.. My only fault was beleiving in her

[dem862]

Its not my son... Im the one she was having an affair with!! Recently.. Yes possibly i have some issues ill work it out but from what i can tell given all the advice given .. Which is exactly the same as my own.. My only fault was beleiving in her

No, moron, your only fault is drawing breath. What kind of heartless, narcissistic asshole steals a woman from another poor slob couch potato, and with a small child, no less. You deserve each other, you and this stupid, bi-polar, drama-laden whore. Why don't you marry the bitch, since it is obvious even the sexless couch potato doesn't want her.

[Wakeup]

No your fault was getting involved with a married (living together for 20 years) woman. You have poor personal boundaries and therefore you were unable to protect your own emotional well being. You have White Knight Syndrome by all accounts and some codependency as well if you'd keep taking someone back who continuously broke up with you just to cause drama and the excitement/relief of getting back together.

Don't disregard your own culpability. You volunteered for this over and over again. Had you a good set of personal boundaries in place, good self worth and not concerned with saving people (instead doing the work to save yourself) you would have immediately distanced yourself from an involved woman and

... saved yourself all this bullshit.

Work on YOU and stop worrying about her. If you don't do the work you need to do to respect and love yourself enough to avoid women like her, you will fall for another one just like her as sure as the sun will shine tomorrow.

[supertwonk]

I hope so.. She has enourmous potential ... But i am strong and know my own mind ,,.. Far better than you think and yes ive been let down but im still alive very smart and will follow every heartfelt connection that i accounter along the way and always hold my head up high at the end end of it.. One day that connection may fall with somebody worthy maybe it wont... Im not afraid to try.

[Wakeup]

I hope so.. She has enourmous potential ... But i am strong and know my own mind ,,.. Far better than you think and yes ive been let down but im still alive very smart and will follow every heartfelt connection that i accounter along the way and always hold my head up high at the end end of it.. One day that connection may fall with somebody worthy maybe it wont... Im not afraid to try.

"Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity." ~ Albert Einstein.

[supertwonk]

When two people are connected it can never be duplicated anywhere and therefore you argument holds no water. And good old albert im sure would agree... Try using your own mind... This may help you in the future but half using it and half quoting famous knowledegable people is making yourself look like a baffoon.. Well to those slightly better off in the brains department anyway.. Im sure some people agree with what you say pmsl

- - - Updated - - -

just want to add that it is you that does the same thing over and over... look at your posts .. end it. WHITE KNIGHT. NO CONTACT . co dependant YAWWWN try to be an individual instead plagiarising everything ... yawwwn

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IM TELLING YOU RIGHT NOW THAT MOST OF YOUR ADVICE IS RUBBISH BASED ON TRIVIAL. YOU WONT LISTEN TO THAT BUT YOU WILL CRITISIZE OTHERS FOR NOT LISTENING ... HYPOCRISY PLAGIARISING ARROGANT BAFFOON CAUSING MORE HARM THAN GOOD

[Wakeup]

Go away troll.... You are appearing more and more mentally disturbed.

[Confusednlost12]

I have done something similar. I have been with my current boyfriend for a little over a year. I love him greatly. He is being institutionalized right now due to his mental health and drug related issues. We have both had drug issues but have now sorted such issues out and plan to continue on the path of sobriety at least thats what i hope. While he as been away I have been going on a dating website to see if i can click with someone " better " peresay since our families obviously do not agree with this relationship. Ive been just texting and flirting around with them a bit nothing too too serious. Except back in June i went and slept with one of them. I met him for dinner and we ended up having sexual intercourse in his car in front of a portuguese club i believe. I have never seen him since just because i never really planned to have an affair with him or to be anymore then a one night stand. I feel if my current bf did cheat on me with anyone then in a sense this is somewhat fair i suppose. I dont really feel bad about it since he basically left me... to get help which is good but this is probably touching some real childhood trauma issues that ive had a hard time dealing with considering how my mother abandoned me and other issues that ive gone through in my life.... My point is dont worry hun we are all pretty ****ed up. Just probably see a theripist get some medication. it may help. Who knows for how long though ~ Just try.

[Wakeup]

... lmao ...

[supertwonk]

I rest my case