Need help , either save my relationship or is it too late?

[Severe]

Hey people heres my story when I first met my girl we took it very slow our beginning was good at the peak of 3 months until she got pregnant and had a miscarriage , she was devastated i tried to be there for her at lot but then the arguing came alone we argued a lot. It was bad we would disrespect each other we would talk over each other always bad i gave her ultimatums about her guy best friend telling her i didnt feel comfortable with him etc etc , especially knowing they dated long ago in hs but apparently remained friends for 9 years but i could not stand it. she compromised a little for this.

At the peak of 5 months i found out thru facebook that she cheated on me with a coworker, they kissed and flirted at work and their facebook messages were flirtious they never had sex but when i found out i was devastated the coworkers wife told me everything, she was sure nothing else happened although regardless i still felt disgusted, i left her , she kept coming back apologizing telling me she regretted she felt like i wasnt there emotionally with her she said thats no excuse but that it was a dumb mistake n she never wants to make this mistake to repeat she clearly tells me she wants to be with me forever n is willing to work hard for my trust my love n wants to build my confidence and ego up doing whatever needs to be done, gave me every passwords including even financial accounts changed her cell number dropped a lot friends and her guy best friend all for me. She got my initials tattooed on her rib to prove how much she loves me n cannot be without me she claims she was stupid n made a mistake. The attention i was not giving her drove her to commit and regrets jt and hates herself because of the way I have become. Its not excuse for her wrong but things were really bad with us n I do admit i made her cry a lot with our arguments i forgave n i took her back.

Of course there i was cold for the reminding of the months until one day she found out me n my ex were talking n the reason why i cheated was because i felt really low after remembering the Facebook messages how she flirted with this guy it bothered me so much and i know two wrongs dont make a right but i resent what i did because regardless i learned it wuldnt take the pain away.

We have a year now n I still have a hard time letting go of the past she tells me she has done everything for me to prove me she can be a good woman shes moved in with me n wants to help me get out of where i am so we can have our own apt she wants a future with me and everything , I love her for this but why does her mistake haunt me? why do i feel like im second always no matter what she does? is my relationship doomed? should i start with someone new or should i seek help? I know im not perfect either but i just cant get over the fact how she betrayed me for that one month she was flirting with this coworker , that fact that she allowed him to get to her and her attention gets in my mind i feel like a wimp next to her a lot off people have told me to let go but its hard i really felt like she damaged my ego and she cries so much because im not the same anymore n it hurts me to see her that way i wanna get better i wanna be confident i feel like i need God but i know i lve done mistakes n i dont even deserve his help but why does it hurt me so much why cant i feel the same as i did wen i first met her ? why cant get over this ? I want to be happy but i feel cold with her n my love is just there but mixed with fear n distrust ?

Recently she left my house for 2 days to be with her parents because of an argument we had she was going to come back the next day n now i told her i want time to myself n ill let her know when she can come back shes devastated and crying but she respects any decision i made im taking this time to think n to see how can i rebuild myself part of me misses her n i do love her but the other part is like the anger is still there Please i beg someone help me?!!!!

[woody]

Okay.
You have jealousy issues, (like me).
Living in the past is the minds trick to hold us down and boil our blood when we think of the wrong done to us by our significant others.
The key is (and i'm still working on this as well, it takes time) but the key is to live in the present (the heart) which will soothe the mind and make those memories a heck of allot easier to deal with.

It is NEVER easy being with one who has cheated. Many will tell you to move on. Many will say once a cheater always a cheater. But did she sleep with this person? No. She flirted a little on F__ FB... and that's moot. So many ways to misinterpret typed words on that thing. I'd let it go.

If you truly love this girl, you'll forgive her.
And in regards to arguing, well, all couples argue. What matters is, how well you do it. Do you keep it fairly amicable like adults that love eachother or do you bring out the big guns and low blows that truly have no place and do no good?

Again, present, not past. Heart. What does it tell you?

[Severe]

Okay.
You have jealousy issues, (like me).
Living in the past is the minds trick to hold us down and boil our blood when we think of the wrong done to us by our significant others.
The key is (and i'm still working on this as well, it takes time) but the key is to live in the present (the heart) which will soothe the mind and make those memories a heck of allot easier to deal with.

It is NEVER easy being with one who has cheated. Many will tell you to move on. Many will say once a cheater always a cheater. But did she sleep with this person? No. She flirted a little on F__ FB... and that's moot. So many ways to misinterpret typed words on that thing. I'd let it go.

If you truly love this girl, you'll forgive her.
And in regards to arguing, well, all couples argue. What matters is, how well you do it. Do you keep it fairly amicable like adults that love eachother or do you bring out the big guns and low blows that truly have no place and do no good?

Again, present, not past. Heart. What does it tell you?

I do love her but they kissed too at one point at her job hes not there no more but just saying that bothers too but is that also something not that serious for me to move on happily

[woody]

Ah, the kiss. Are we talking a serious make out session or a smooch on the lips?

Make out session? Well, that would sting for serious kissing would seem to involve 'emotional' attachment. Yes, that would hurt allot.
just a smooch? No problem. Let it go.

If it was however the first kind, serious necking. Well, how long had the two of you been together at that point?

I can understand why your heart be buggin over this.
It is difficult trusting someone when you know they have it in them to do such things.

You just need to make a choice. Can you forgive her? If you cannot, you know what you have to do and it will not be easy.
Does she express remorse? Does she offer a regained confidence in how she feels for you? Does she re assure the love you two have for one another?

Hey, re gaining trust in our loved ones is a battle. I suppose we have to make sure their worth it.
I wish you well.

[Stay 2gether]

if its been awhile and you are still feeling angry but you are sure u wanna make it work maybe you and her should try some counceling also remember you have to let it go for yourself not for her even if you move onto someone else if you do not forgive her you will not be able to trust the next hope all goes well!

[Severe]

Ah, the kiss. Are we talking a serious make out session or a smooch on the lips?

Make out session? Well, that would sting for serious kissing would seem to involve 'emotional' attachment. Yes, that would hurt allot.
just a smooch? No problem. Let it go.

If it was however the first kind, serious necking. Well, how long had the two of you been together at that point?

I can understand why your heart be buggin over this.
It is difficult trusting someone when you know they have it in them to do such things.

You just need to make a choice. Can you forgive her? If you cannot, you know what you have to do and it will not be easy.
Does she express remorse? Does she offer a regained confidence in how she feels for you? Does she re assure the love you two have for one another?

Hey, re gaining trust in our loved ones is a battle. I suppose we have to make sure their worth it.
I wish you well.

We were 5 months into the relationship woody and i believe it was a one time thing but i believe she n him liked each other she claims she liked the attention she was getting which is why she said she wasnt getting from me which is not sort of true because despite our harsh arguments i would still show love, also yes she has been complete turn around n does show remorse she has even got on her knees etc etc shes done a lot n i cant take that on her but you are right it still bothers tremendously sooo what ya think

- - - Updated - - -

if its been awhile and you are still feeling angry but you are sure u wanna make it work maybe you and her should try some counceling also remember you have to let it go for yourself not for her even if you move onto someone else if you do not forgive her you will not be able to trust the next hope all goes well!

We were thinking about it but money is such an issue right now

[TablesandChairs]

Forgiveness isn't easy but if you can't manage to do so, there's no point continuing with the relationship; your anger will end the relationship at some point or another.

You have to make a conscious decision to let it go; she's begged for your forgiveness, I'm sure she gets how much it has upset you. But if you keep mentioning it ad nauseum, it keeps the wound open and neither of you can move on.

If she breaks your trust again, then you can end it; until then, there's no point poisoning things further.

[Severe]

Forgiveness isn't easy but if you can't manage to do so, there's no point continuing with the relationship; your anger will end the relationship at some point or another.

You have to make a conscious decision to let it go; she's begged for your forgiveness, I'm sure she gets how much it has upset you. But if you keep mentioning it ad nauseum, it keeps the wound open and neither of you can move on.

If she breaks your trust again, then you can end it; until then, there's no point poisoning things further.

if its been awhile and you are still feeling angry but you are sure u wanna make it work maybe you and her should try some counceling also remember you have to let it go for yourself not for her even if you move onto someone else if you do not forgive her you will not be able to trust the next hope all goes well!

Ah, the kiss. Are we talking a serious make out session or a smooch on the lips?

Make out session? Well, that would sting for serious kissing would seem to involve 'emotional' attachment. Yes, that would hurt allot.
just a smooch? No problem. Let it go.

If it was however the first kind, serious necking. Well, how long had the two of you been together at that point?

I can understand why your heart be buggin over this.
It is difficult trusting someone when you know they have it in them to do such things.

You just need to make a choice. Can you forgive her? If you cannot, you know what you have to do and it will not be easy.
Does she express remorse? Does she offer a regained confidence in how she feels for you? Does she re assure the love you two have for one another?

Hey, re gaining trust in our loved ones is a battle. I suppose we have to make sure their worth it.
I wish you well.

Thank you everyone first of all for taking the time to listen to me , and im not a perfect individual as well ive always been cheating in my past, we both need to become strong together being there for each other shes already started n i need to become stronger and let go so i can start as well im very far behind. We signed up for gym memberships and we are do positive activities at time. I will look back at this forum if i feel the anger and help me and reassure me. I hope i can do this. Thanks guys

[N_divine]

You couldve pushed her away, we don't know both sides of story to help you with question but it's a big deal for me as a dude I think seriously about what I want from a woman, I won't cheat at start of relationship or any other time but especially start because that's when trust is built or destroyed, when people can be manipulated into cheating so if she cheated it could make sense maybe you cheated on her emotionally, if possible, girls are different they respect beginnings for most part so think back maybe you'll find a reason.
Good luck anyhoo.

[Stay 2gether]

Thank you everyone first of all for taking the time to listen to me , and im not a perfect individual as well ive always been cheating in my past, we both need to become strong together being there for each other shes already started n i need to become stronger and let go so i can start as well im very far behind. We signed up for gym memberships and we are do positive activities at time. I will look back at this forum if i feel the anger and help me and reassure me. I hope i can do this. Thanks guys

You are very welcome i think we all have been through alot over time which is how i know u must let go glad you and her are starting to do positive things now and hope you lern to control your feeling and know that maybe you are feeling that way because you use to be a cheater well hope all ends well!

[Severe]

You couldve pushed her away, we don't know both sides of story to help you with question but it's a big deal for me as a dude I think seriously about what I want from a woman, I won't cheat at start of relationship or any other time but especially start because that's when trust is built or destroyed, when people can be manipulated into cheating so if she cheated it could make sense maybe you cheated on her emotionally, if possible, girls are different they respect beginnings for most part so think back maybe you'll find a reason.
Good luck anyhoo.

If i pushed her away its not a excuse shes lamer for doing that, her past history well from what i know she was very sexually active her number is 21 guys smh idk if shes a red flag or anything and also im normal size down there no girl in my past complained in fact they would say im big or near big but she feels loose idk

[woody]

Dear Severe,

Now now. Size of either 'magical places' from both the feminine and masculine is irrelevant. I must say that to claim one feels 'loose' is kinda hurtful man. I know your hurting but I don't think speaking like that is a way out. Wouldn't you say?
Hey, you had a past of being a potential, dare I say, 'Player?', she must have known that. True, that's no excuse to go off and cheat on you. But she did, she kissed a guy.
If you want this relationship to work you simply MUST LET GO of the past. You cannot throw the past hurt at her each time shyte hits fan. That's not going to solve anything.
Compassion and confidence however WILL.
and your going to need some will power to pull this off. You will find it gets easier with time. So,,, the next time you feel like bringing up the past shyte and your burning to do it, just on the tip of your tongue, oh you'll want her to hurt as you are, but you WILL keep your cool. Capiche? Keep your cool. and you'll be a better man for it; and the next time the memories surge forth and the hurt returns, it will be easier to take that high road.

Good on the gym membership.
Remember, compassion and confidence.

[Severe]

Dear Severe,

Now now. Size of either 'magical places' from both the feminine and masculine is irrelevant. I must say that to claim one feels 'loose' is kinda hurtful man. I know your hurting but I don't think speaking like that is a way out. Wouldn't you say?
Hey, you had a past of being a potential, dare I say, 'Player?', she must have known that. True, that's no excuse to go off and cheat on you. But she did, she kissed a guy.
If you want this relationship to work you simply MUST LET GO of the past. You cannot throw the past hurt at her each time shyte hits fan. That's not going to solve anything.
Compassion and confidence however WILL.
and your going to need some will power to pull this off. You will find it gets easier with time. So,,, the next time you feel like bringing up the past shyte and your burning to do it, just on the tip of your tongue, oh you'll want her to hurt as you are, but you WILL keep your cool. Capiche? Keep your cool. and you'll be a better man for it; and the next time the memories surge forth and the hurt returns, it will be easier to take that high road.

Good on the gym membership.
Remember, compassion and confidence.

I understand im 26 yrs old n ive never felt like this in my life ..your right compassion n confidence i do need to add those into my life , i want to be strong n just move forward , honestly i wanna be normal again.... I pray i can do it....

[Stay 2gether]

if u can speak i you can do it but you have to start sooner then later and all will be better and far as the size of your john that doesn't matter because if that was all it took you would not be needing advice on this forum so get your head out your ass put your man drawls on and keep it moving learn to live and love and stop being arrogant and im sure yall relationship will get better you knew her number was in the 20s when you got with her so lets not make it a big deal now okkk you both have a past chok it up it is what it is now what you gone do?

[Severe]

if u can speak i you can do it but you have to start sooner then later and all will be better and far as the size of your john that doesn't matter because if that was all it took you would not be needing advice on this forum so get your head out your ass put your man drawls on and keep it moving learn to live and love and stop being arrogant and im sure yall relationship will get better you knew her number was in the 20s when you got with her so lets not make it a big deal now okkk you both have a past chok it up it is what it is now what you gone do?

Yeah i know, we do , thank u for your advice i really appreciate it , your right i need to man up i want to be normal again. Really thank u all it feels good to talk to mature ppl who realistically know the right steps a man should take.