How Can I Trust Again?

[strawberryacid]

Hello There,

im a 27 year old engaged to be married in March next year. I must say the relationship started so fast as we started dating in January and got engaged by March and moved in together in May.

Since we moved in together he has started to be distant towards me. We hardly have sex anymore because he has zero desire, we figured it could be low testosterone and have been to several doctors and found out it is a psychological issue as it has happened to him with many of his past relationships. So now we have weekly sessions with a therapist to see if this is something we can fix and to see if we will go ahead with the wedding as everything is booked. The lady was quick to say that he has commitment issues and at the start his relationships are great, sex is great etc and as soon as it starts to get serious he backs away psychically and sometimes emotionally.

During the last couple of months it has been hell because he was so confused as to why he feels sexual attraction to no one anymore and questioned his sexuality. I looked at his mobile one morning to find him messaging a friend that hes known for years and shes married and they were flirty nature with him saying "oh that image makes me hard" and "i have found an app on my phone to hide messages" and "i think ive decided im going to leave" implying me. I got up and confronted him and he told me the reason he did this was to see if he had sexual attraction to any other female apart from me then he would know its our relationship and he said he was trying to make himself hard by her and he felt nothing and started tearing up thinking he could be gay which the therapist quickly sorted out that he wasnt.

The other trust issue was i went to sleep and then he stayed up on his laptop one night, i looked through his history about 3 weeks later and found out he had goggled "discreet relationships" and even joined marriedaffairs.com! Yes he searched and was only on it a space of 3 mins and didnt hit anyone up but the fact is why would you do that in the first place. I asked him and he said he honestly could not remember why he would because as he keeps stressing to me if we were not together he would rather be alone than get into another relationship.

I have had a history of being lied to and cheated on by some guys and thats why im probably like i am by snooping however i sometimes find things like this, i feel like if he goes out which he never really does as he doesnt want me worried that he may do something behind my back. I feel like now if hes away from me he is messaging that woman again and i just feel like i cant trust. I cant carry on planning a wedding with him if its going to be like this because im going to drive myself insane. Im trying to trust him again as i do love him but its hard when all i can think about is him doing these things and quickly deleting the evidence.

Feel like so many things have to be fixed with us like the trust isses and the sex issues. The only time we have sex is when he gives in and does it just to make me happy but hes just not into it like he used too. I know it could have alot to do with his commitment issues which he is trying to get help with but cuddling and kissing for me wont be enough long term.

Has anyone been in the same situation of shed an light? Would be greatly appreciated.

[TablesandChairs]

Is he the one for you? Are you sure? You jumped into this pretty quickly and now you're seeing a different side to him. That's why people take their time in relationships...what you see in the first few months is not the full picture.

Regardless of his sexual issues, him messaging that woman in that way is not okay. Also, given there's no biological issue and supposing he's not depressed, then maybe this is who he is - someone who cannot maintain sexual attraction for someone over the long term (possible monogamy isn't for him, who knows). This will be a big issue in your relationship.

Going on websites for married affairs means he was looking to do that, or had curiousity about it. Neither is a good sign.

[strangetogether]

Save yourself years of heartache and don't marry this guy.

There's better out there.

Strangetogether.com