Id been having a bad feeling about my boyfriend cheating and prayed to God for a sign, or for my boyfriend to admit that he has been cheating. I had a gut feeling something wasn't right, and I found out he even lied to me about a party he went to last weekend and said he didn't tell me because we had been having problems and he just wanted to spend time with friends. I don't care if he goes to a party I just don't like being lied to or things being hidden from me. We have had a few breakups and problems throughout our relationship. As I was cleaning yesterday, out of no where I found a reciept for flowers. When I called him about it, he said he didn't know where the reciept came from. It had the last 4 digits of his debit card. He then proceeded to tell me that I shouldn't have been snooping around (which I wasn't) and that it was his money and he could do what he wanted. He bought them near his jobsite, and he doesn't have family in the area. He says he didn't give them to another woman, and he wasn't going to tell me who they were for because it was not my business and he felt I was trying to find something and felt like I was controlling him. I even let him explain himself so I would not think the worst, and he refused to tell me and said it was my choice to trust him or not. Just giving me a peace of mind wasn't important enough for him to tell me the truth. He even gave me the choice to stay with him or leave and said I could take my time to make my decision. Of course I wanted to believe him and was willing to work it out, but when I said he didn't have to be with me, he said he was done just like every other time when things got hard or he was mad at me. To this day he refuses to tell me what they were for telling me he knows the truth and that's all that matters and I could believe what I wanted to, but I don't deserve to know the truth after the mean things I said to him after we broke up. He lied and broke my heart again...how was I supposed to respond?
I am left thoroughly confused and heartbroken after this past year with this man. He came onto me so strong after wanting me for 2 years. He was off and on with his ex when we met, and they too had many problems. From what I heard, she was very insecure, jealous, and controlling. During the course of their down times in the relationship when he would see me, he was very flirtatious. I thought he was genuinely interested in me so when we were both officially single, I gave him a chance. I was blown away with how kind and good he was to me. But anytime I brought up any issues, he would get upset and tell me he wouldn't support it. I acted like any normal person would in a relationship...sure I had my few jealous moments and questions, but nothing out of the ordinary. I always tried to understand him and know more about him and his reasons for doing things but he didn't want me to ask too many questions and told me to just go with the flow often. I never stopped him from doing anything and I was always there to support him and do anything I could to help him in his hard times. He knew I loved him, and his friend and brother said he felt the same about me, but he clearly told me more than once "Im not the kind of guy to tell you I love you. You will never hear me say it." He talked about marriage and kids with me several times, and said he wanted those things with me, but only when things were good it seemed and it would all be stripped away when he was so mad at me. He always had one foot in and one foot out the door in our relationship and let the smallest things I did make him so angry to where he broke up with me 3 times. I couldn't express my needs or wants without him telling me, "This is who I am and I do things I my own way. If you don't like it, then you need to find someone else. I am not changing for you or anyone." I would have done anything to see him smile or be there for him but when I simply wanted to do things or just needed more affection from him he would not budge. It was all on his terms and his own way. He rarely made plans in advance and always asked me to do things at the last minute. he didn't believe in plans because according to him if they don't work out you wont be disappointed. He blamed me for the problems in our relationship and never took responsibility for his actions and I never really got any genuine apologies. I could be right about something, but he would turn it around on me everytime and say, "nothing is good enough for you. you are never happy. I try my best and you always complain" not true...I adored him and even the people around us saw how much I appreciated him and how good I was to him. he was so critical of me and my mistakes and would often threaten to leave when things got tough for him. he ultimately ended it this time with "im unhappy and I don't want to be angry...its not good for you or me." he thinks I am immature, needy, and insecure and not thankful for anything. so not true! how was I supposed to feel when I was constantly put on the back burner, broken up with, and him being mad at me or giving me the silent treatment? aren't adults supposed to work through things? I saw all his flaws and shortcomings and I always tried to understand him and be there for him, and took responsibility for my end of things...but I never felt like we fixed problems and instead just dusted them under the rug and they would come up again and again. I couldn't talk to him and work things out...he would shut me down and always turn it around on me like I said. I couldn't have a mad look on my face, I couldn't complain about anything, I couldn't have a different opinion....he would always get upset in one way or the other and even hung up on me several times while on the phone because "I mad him mad and he didn't want to argue" he is such a wonderful person with a great personality, hardworking, and very giving. he was good to my family and friends and those in his life. he isn't a bad person and had his great qualities.....but why was he so mad at me all the time and constantly wanting to leave when things got hard?
i forgot to mention in the very beginning he said he didnt believe in marriage, yet thought of it with me throughout our relationship. he also had relationships with older women, and women who were either married or in relationships. he also told me during one of our arguements the last month of our relationship "id rather hook up or find a hooker than deal with all of this arguing." he also said a few times he was scared to get into another relationship and wasnt sure he was ready for one at the beginning, but decided to give us a try. could it have been he was wanting something with me, but decided he couldnt deal with all that comes with a relationship and maybe thats why he was so impatient with me and my shortcomings?