How to find a lovely, sweet, and free casual relationship?

[puppy]

Hi Everybody!

This is serious problem and challenge I have recently faced, and need your helps and inputs. I know that some people, perhaps particularly women/girls, might not like this post and think in a bad way about me; but hold on! Think about it before any judgment!


I am a man in his 30’s and married. Being a university student I am busy with my works and studies. And, usually highly sex-derived! Recently, unfortunately, my wife had to travel abroad and she wouldn’t come back in a couple of months or more.



Well, we are honest and open to each other. So, days before her departure we talked about it and she agreed I could have a casual relationship during this time ! We definitely don’t want to cheat!


It was a difficult situation for me, honestly and I was placed in a terrible dilemma: on one hand I had my wife’s consent; on the other yet I was not sure internally whether this was morally right; on top of that, my sexual needs distracted me from my everyday life to the extent that impacted my works and well-being. Well, I am not an angle, but a human with some natural needs, including sex; right?

Finally, I made my thoughts and spent lot of time searching dating sites and craigslist. All fake and crap! Except that in CL when it comes near reality, you are asked for a paid sex. Obviously, this is not what I am looking for!

Do you know if there is a way to find a ‘lovely’, ‘respectful’, and ‘mutually beneficial’ casual relationship?

Moreover, will a female partner in this kind of relationship get offended if she knows you are married and it is not going to be or lead to a long term relation?

[lost_man]

Firstly, you are an idiot.

Secondly, if you must do this just be HONEST with people from the start and throughout. Exercise some COMMON SENSE and pay attention to whether people's emotions are getting damaged.

[HeartWeaver]

I won't judge you, in fact I am looking for something similar but I just got out of a relationship, and besides you have the consent of your wife to make your marriage open. Honesty is the difference between an open relationship and cheating. You must be honest to both your wife and your new partner from the beginning regarding the nature of your relationship and your current marital status, and that you do not wish to let it progress any further than a casual FWB relationship. That way, you know if she will or will not be offended.

[ianinmd2010]

There are women who do that sort of things. But I'd think very carefully before acting on it. Things will likely be a little bit different with your wife afterwards and she may regret ever giving you permission to do that.

[woody]

First off, if your hoping for a no strings attached casual encounter, hire a pro.
Secondly, if you were my husband and I thought you'd cheat when I was abroad so I offered the 'okay', have a casual but be honest about it' (as you implied has happened), I'd still be hurt if you went through with it; but that's me, not everyone.
If you have uber high sex drive and simply needs it, well, again, 'Pro'.

Women have this thing called a heart and it tends to involuntarily become involved no matter what guide lines were set out to begin with.
Then there's always the possibility you may draw in an unstable lady who could reap havoc on you and your wife once the wife returns. Ya, you want casual, no muss no fuss and your sure your wife's okay with it (though I can't understand why she would be, again, my opinion, not everyone's) but hire a pro. At least you'll know she won't linger or create tension for your wife.
good grief. Hey, at least you guys are honest about it. Better that than cheating behind the back.

[puppy]

First off, if your hoping for a no strings attached casual encounter, hire a pro.
Secondly, if you were my husband and I thought you'd cheat when I was abroad so I offered the 'okay', have a casual but be honest about it' (as you implied has happened), I'd still be hurt if you went through with it; but that's me, not everyone.
If you have uber high sex drive and simply needs it, well, again, 'Pro'.

Women have this thing called a heart and it tends to involuntarily become involved no matter what guide lines were set out to begin with.
Then there's always the possibility you may draw in an unstable lady who could reap havoc on you and your wife once the wife returns. Ya, you want casual, no muss no fuss and your sure your wife's okay with it (though I can't understand why she would be, again, my opinion, not everyone's) but hire a pro. At least you'll know she won't linger or create tension for your wife.
good grief. Hey, at least you guys are honest about it. Better that than cheating behind the back.

Thank you Woody for your wise, and to a great extent, nonsentimental response. Honestly, it made me think more.

Yes, you got it right! I want to be honest and candid, otherwise why should I have brought this post? Why should I had talked with my wife about it? Well, if I was not honest, I could have done discreetly, right? without bothering myself talking with my wife and posting in a forum about it. I posted the same question in another forum and people started cursing at me and even my wife .... I am wondering, as a human being, when you face a problem, what should you do? well, I simply asked and shared my problem with them, but they irritated why I had this problem and so replied back to me with cursing! I have not done anything yet! And, Im not a criminal or something! Even if I was a criminal cursing and hating would go nowhere!

Anyways, while I acknowledge what you said about women, men also have this thing called 'physical desire' which is involuntarily involved, and indeed, they have 'heart' as well. Yes; of course women also have this 'physical desire'. The difference is that in women 'heart' is much stronger, while in men 'physical desire'. Accept it or not, like or dislike, this is the physiological reality, although there are always exceptions.

Like I wrote in the post, Im in a big dilemma at this point. For now, however, I have decided to practice abstinence, see who far I can go...

[woody]

I applaud your honesty. LIke you said, you could have gone and done this discreetly; I think it's kinda cool that you and your wife have this level of honesty regarding stuff like this.

Hey, personally? I'd rather my husband tell me about his 'needs' than go behind my back and then lie about it for years and years; I assume that's what happens with many couples and lie's just don't bode well man so... yeah, interesting approach you two.

[puppy]

Yep! You know woody? I have lived in different countries and have had (and still have) many different kind of friends/colleagues from wide variety of cultures, races, colors, religions, different levels of society (from university professors to workers). Well, when men come together and if they are close friends, one of the most-likely things they talk about in a humerus way is SX, attractive female.. . Yes; of course this does not mean they are looking for it or practicing that way; but this indeed means there is some 'need' inside them. Men are, mainly, sexually driven; women are, mainly, love-driven. This is how nature works and how we are created. If one does not receive his/her 'need' they easily become unwell! that's nature! we cannot fight it! You remember the story of those sailors who hadn't eaten citrus for a long time and so developed that disease? As soon as they reached a city, they unintentionally began to eat citrus.. .

Well, for a normal women it is perhaps not a big deal if she does not have sex for months; but it is indeed a big problem for her if she is not satisfied emotionally and lovely attentions. She would starts being upset and depressed. The other way, for a man is it a big problem if he is not satisfied sexually for a long time. He starts developing imaginations, watching porn,... These are also kind of diseases, but cannot be seen by your eyes, because the guy/gal is apparently doing fine! This is like those sailors. Their body wanted Vitamin C, but deprived of.

And here is where many women make a big big mistake: "He only wants me for sex". "How you do know?" "Well, whenever he wants to do sex, he becomes nice and gentle, but soon after that he become boring and nasty, at least he is no longer that nice!".

YES and NO! It is physiologically natural for a man to become more gentle and nice before sex when he has his physical desires unsatisfied. I am sure this is due to a hormone in his body, maybe testosterone or something... After sexually being satisfied, he is no longer derived by that hormone. I dont want to say men are permitted to go nasty and unpleasant after sex, but I want to say what many women think is wrong.

I hope, neither you nor any other women, when reading my post develop a kind of bad feeling about their husbands/partners, as that would be opposite of what I meant. I just wanted to bring up some realities that many many men do not talk about. Some don't dare, and some for other reasons. In fact, this physical need of a man, particularly for a married man, has been portraited as a taboo!

[lost_man]

Anyways, while I acknowledge what you said about women, men also have this thing called 'physical desire' which is involuntarily involved, and indeed, they have 'heart' as well. Yes; of course women also have this 'physical desire'. The difference is that in women 'heart' is much stronger, while in men 'physical desire'. Accept it or not, like or dislike, this is the physiological reality, although there are always exceptions.

Woody is right that it's good you two talked, and I'm extremely liberal in terms of relationships and sex, but that is not what this post is about for me.

It was the attitude quoted above^ that irritated me, because it's mentally lazy and childish. The attitude is one of "oh poor me I can't control my desires and absolutely have to **** around until my wife gets back because I'm a grown up baby".

You paint men as pathetic mindless drones who follow our cocks around like divining rods, to justify you being one. Plus, you are talking about how some people on this forum and others are judgemental as if to say that you only approve of sycophancy in peoples' replies, basically asking strangers to reinforce your intentions for you so as not to take responsibility for your actions.

It's not like you have been asked to go without a vital need like food for months, just have an occasional wank until she gets back for god's sake. Jeez!