Frustrated...

[michelle23]

Most men get rejected a LOT. Your "pick up artist" friend is only successful with very insecure women who think they deserve to be treated like shit. Do you really want a doormat for a gf?? Someone who has no real self respect or self worth? If you want a strong, independent, intelligent, kind, decent woman who knows what shes worth then don't change.

Most women don't want to be treated badly so if you start doing that you will end up worse off. Maybe hold off a little in the early stages of being too sensitive/emotional/romantic. Women love that in general but not too soon.

We like men who are a combination of assertive, confident, strong, protective and manly whilst also being genuine, decent, honest, affectionate and loving.

[LordZanual]

That's my thought exactly! Women with low self confidence go for those a-holes. And to be frank, I need a tough, strong woman, with high self confidence. Which is one of the reasons I stuck with my own path (Thank you for reminding me that - I seriously forgot for a moment)

It's funny you say that about the "Eurika!" moment, because you offered me just that right now heh... I did become jaded. I became so jaded that I forgot my current reasons to keep pursuing my own path - The woman I'm searching for. And to be honest... It also helped me realize why she's so hard to find. Because she's one of a kind.

I'll try my best not to become jaded again, and remind myself again and again why I'm doing what I'm doing, beyond it being 'me'. It's because I want to find someone, something, specific. Thank you, Woody.
[MENTION=66459]michelle23[/MENTION]
Sorry. Only just saw this.

Yeah... I guess you're right. I need to learn how to hold off on it, but the problem is that I don't really realize what I'm doing wrong. I mean, I get a phone number from a woman and I tell her "I'll call you tomorrow", and I do that - And often she won't even answer nor return the call. Which, in all honesty, is frustrating.

I mean, okay, I talk to her and she's awesome and nice, we talk and hang out for an hour or so at the bar, I take her number and take my leave/she takes her leave. You liked me, why not answer the phone when you know it's me calling? I just find it incredibly odd and can't wrap my head around it.

[woody]

Okay, good on the Eurika moment. Yes, she will be rare.
I also agree with what Michelle said about holding off a little bit. You must understand that allot of ladies get concerned if someone comes on too strong at first. This is just a natural reaction.

So, next time you do the ol' exchange of numbers thing, WAIT a day or two. If it was a great connection, usually calling her the very next day can be a red flag for many women. By the second day, she'll be wondering where you are. The second night, a good time to call.
So, recap. Don't call her the very next day. Don't tell her you will call the next day either, just tell her you'll call.
Then, wait a second day and then, call her that second night. Gives her time to miss you.
Enough time has passed to alleviate the potential 'red flag' of stalkerdom but not too much time has passed that makes you a potential player.

Remember, not too strong at first. Your looking for the Goldilock zone. Not too much, not too little, just right.

[LordZanual]

I guess I just had that thought in mind of "Well, I like her. So why wait?" - Which went hand in hand with the thought of "She wouldn't want me to just wait for the sake for waiting if she likes me"... But hey, seeing as that doesn't really work, might as well go your way, can't really hurt heh...

Call me silly, but I have no idea why would calling the next day indicate something wrong. I mean, I know and realize that many think this way - But could never understand why. In fact, usually, when people come asking me about that - I tell them to pay no heed to how little time it took him/her to call, and that it shouldn't discourage them from dating that specific person. However, when it's the other way around - When he/she waits too long - I usually tell them to jump ship. It can indicate a lot of bad things.

So I guess I just preferred seeing as "Overly enthusiastic" rather than a "Player" heh... Forgot about how there's a middle part to that. XD

[woody]

Yeah, it's a fussy thing. Don't know why. Just had a few chums over the years tell their tales and express what they themselves were comfortable with.
Thought I'd share it with you.
When my sweetheart courted me I would awaken to things he made from the woods each morning for the first 2 weeks( he would leave them on my porch). We barely spoke on the phones and I'd see him maybe 3 times a week for the first while, then, every day until we became and remain inseparable. How I missed him when I didn't see him. How we embraced when finally he arrived.

Switch side. Dated a guy in my late 20's, He called every single day right off the bat and texted maybe between 5 to 8 times a day. And though I wasn't taken aback by his level of enthusiasm, it was only his awesome personality that didn't push me away; otherwise, I would have felt strange about the amount he called. Wasn't use to it. Triggered my spidey sense..

Your girl will be rare. Just take it naturally. Follow your gut, your heart. You'll know if it's ok to call the very next day or not. Hey, what do we know right? But yes, many ladies may become taken aback when a man comes on super strong right away, ie; calling her immediately or too often right off the get go.. You must keep in mind, many ladies have dealt with some odd situations and they are rightfully protective; that's all.
good luck

[michelle23]

It is scientifically proven that men fall in love faster than women do-we are more cautious in the beginning because we need to be more careful and protect ourselves from certain types of men. It goes back thousands of years that women need more security than men do so we have to be more fussy with who we choose as a life mate.

Which is why you gotta just be yourself, relax and let her suss you out a little. There is no harm in being a bit mysterious and not giving everything away too soon. Let her make up her own mind about you and analyze you a little. If your trying too hard-she will think she cant trust you or that you are a bit desperate which is a turn off. We dont want to think we are the 10th person you chatted up this week and your just settling coz were the only one available. We want to know you like me for me coz you took the time to get to know me a little

Does that make sense?

[LordZanual]

Rightfully guarded indeed. I've heard too many... "Horror'' stories about how a guy can treat his woman. Not very pleasant.

Michelle, it makes the world of sense. I'm just... A very active guy. I want to get to know her, and get to know her now. And I want her to get to know me now. I guess patience isn't my strong suit. But yes. I have to inhibit myself. This is the main thing I'll take from this thread, I must start inhibiting myself at the start. Just a little bit. Enthusiastic is fine. Too enthusiastic is bad.

I do hope, however, that the girl I'm looking for isn't that rare... I'm a fan of statistics, and if she's that rare... Well, statistics won't go my way hehe...

[michelle23]

Its about 60/50 IMO so you have 60% chance of finding a woman with high self esteem and a good sense of self worth. The rest unfortunately are damaged and seem to want the dysfunction that goes with being with an asshole.. the statistics change as women get older. Many learn their lesson young but some don't. Some just repeat the same mistakes time and time again.

I remember meeting a guy at a party years ago. At first I liked him. he was laid back, relaxed, flirted a little and came across confident. He got my number, asked me out and then it all went down hill fast. He seemed to put me on a pedastal and came across as needy. He took a picture of me on the first date and put it as his screen saver acting like were already a couple. To me it was like "you want me to be your gf just coz im attractive"?? Seriously? Is that your only standard? It was a huge turn off and I quickly lost interest. he was way too into me too soon. He was also too affectionate. I mean, I dont want to hold hands, cuddle, kiss some random guy I just met. Slow the f down. Dont get me wrong he was very respectful, genuine and decent. I knew that and I trusted him but it was just too much too quick

you need to avoid that

[LordZanual]

Well, to be honest, that's not me. What you depicted just there, that's... Quite far from being me haha... In fact, I cannot recall a single first date that went wrong my entire life. I cannot recall a single time where I went out on a first date, and didn't get a second and third... Like I said, that's not my problem. My problem comes before that - And I guess that a woman can definitely see me as someone who comes on a bit too strongly at first, until she gets to know me.

[michelle23]

Well then there is no problem lol. As I said most men get rejected a lot. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. The ones who don't get rejected a lot are just not asking that many out.

Maybe you should just take a break for awhile. Sometimes love just happens when your not expecting it or trying to find it. Focus on other things for awhile like work or a new hobby and you will meet someone randomly.

Maybe they can just sense you are really trying and that puts them off.

[LordZanual]

I guess you are right. There are only a few other explanations, and none of them are acceptable. The only real explanation I can come up with and accept (With the help of you gracious ladies) is that I come across as overly eager, and that can be intimidating.
Will be working on that.

[woody]

Indeed. What's the rush anyway right? I mean, once you meet her and your both feeling it, why rush? Especially if it's a life connection your seeking, you've got a life time to get to know her, for her to get to know you.

May you find your amiable connection and may she be rare, but not too rare.

Agree with what Michelle is saying. Couldn't have added anything more.

good luck
woody=trees, over and out.

[LordZanual]

Thanks
Thank you all. Been a great help!