Girl of my dreams + distance and mixed signals... What do you think??

[DFÑ]

I'll keep it as short as possible.

Last year I went abroad for 5 months, where I met a girl who I became very, very good friends with. About a month before the trip was over, I realised I had started developing pretty strong feelings for her... and I ended up falling in love with her in a way I'd never felt before... Then, during the very last night of the trip I wanted to tell her how I felt, but decided I couldn't because it was too hard for me to leave the next day and maybe I would never see her again (we live very far away). I just told her "I really want to tell you something, but I'm not going to because we live too far away". That night, she slept on my chest (no sex, no nothing) and I felt better than ever. Then, we said goodbye and she kissed me on the cheek. I'm 23 and I know about stuff, so I know what a kiss on the cheek doesn't mean... but that one felt special, I actually felt it.

After a year of me trying to get over the regret of never trying anything or at least explaining how I felt, I was starting to feel better. I never got over my feelings, but I was ok. Then, a couple of weeks ago, she and another friend came to my country, and we met up. I'm sure I felt some kind of vibe from her... She was very touchy, and she treated me with a lot of "loveliness", and said some things that I'm sure were for leading me on. So right before saying goodbye I told her that I didn't know what she was thinking, but either way she would always be the girl of my dreams, but we didn't get a chance to talk. After she left for good, she texed me and told me that it was better this way, because distance isn't good and she wouldn't like to hurt me. I said I understood, and I was planning to just walk away from this. I didn't feel ready to feel sad and regretful like a year before.

Then one day she sent me a song with very clear and direct lyrics about wanting to be with someone, but thinking it's impossible, because the singer had to go away (why would she send this to me?). Then, another day she sent me a drunk video of herself and her friends talking to me about nothing in particular, and I've never even met them, so clearly she's been talking to them about me. And we continue to send some texts every day. Let me say that she treats me really nicely and her texts are very warm and affectionate... She sends the ocassional hearts and all. I know, I know, I read too much into those things but hey, I think she's aware that she's texting a guy that just told you that you'll always be the girl of his dreams. Maybe she's just that way, or maybe my gut is right and she does kind of feel something for me, but she's afraid of the huge distance.

Now I'm confused, because I would leave everything behind just to give this a shot, because when I'm with her I feel better than I've ever felt... But since she said it was better this way, I don't know what to do... I'm planning on sending her a letter explaining everything in full detail and asking her to tell me exactly what she feels, and asking her if she would like take a chance on this. What do you think about all of this?

Thank you all so so much!!!

[NotApplicable]

I'm going to be frank with you here.
If a girl knows a guy likes her and she isn't at the time interested in anyone else, she will more often than not just text/chat/ be affectionate with the guy just for entertainment and it makes her feel good. This doesn't mean she has NO feelings for you - she probably has some - but if you're going to do this thing, she needs a LOT. She needs at least enough to say the words "I like you a lot, and more than a friend". If she can't even say that much then it's more likely she's being a flirt. She's young and loves attention, everyone does, it doesn't make her a bad person. But this is a hard situation where you both need to be grown ups or someone is going to have their heart broken and time wasted. Flirting from opposite sides of the world (unless temporary) is pointless unless you both commit to trying to make something work. Sounds like she's a sweet girl but trying to keep you on a leash. Go and meet someone in your own city. The girl far away will fade and just become your friend. She won't always be the girl of your dreams (unless of course she gets her schtick together and tells you how she's feeling).

[DFÑ]

First of all, thank you for replying. I know this is the most common mistake, but I just can't believe she would be like that with me for entertainment, she's told me many times that I'm one of the most special persons in her life, and that she cares for me much more than she cares about most people. Of course, I think you still might br right.I've talked with some of my closest friends, and they have all told me that it is very likely that she just doesn't feel like a long distance thing would work. However, my inner paranoid voice tells me exactly what you told me... that she's playing me. Meeting someone in my own city has always been the best option of course, but I've never felt the connection (not even close) that I feel with her... Last year I tried dating with four different girls (different times) but failed to feel interested at all... after feeling such a strong bond with the other girl, I'm finding it hard to get interested.... Anyways! Thank you so much for your input!

[NotApplicable]

I want to emphasise that it's not likely she's playing you intentionally. More that she's enjoying the attention and is reciprocating so you don't lose interest, obviously she feels affection for you, but young girls just tend to like the attention even though they don't consciously perceive it as "attention seeking". Everyone wants to feel loved, it's an addictive feeling.

You of course are never really going to meet someone local and feel strongly for them if you're reserved your heart for the girl far away. Personally I think you either need some sort of committed answer out of her, or you need to back right off in your communication and allow you both to get on with your lives.

[DFÑ]

Thanks again! As much as it hurts (because strangely, it really really hurts...) that's what I'm gonna do... I've decided I'm just going to back off and cut all ties and connections with her and move on with my life as if I never met her, and hope someday I meet someone like her.

Thank you!!