Am I just being petty?

[Meeskees]

I'm looking for advice from older adults. I've been in a relationship for over 3 years now, both of our kids are grown and out of the house. For Christmas my bf wants to have a custom poster made and framed with pictures of his daughter and himself. He informed me last night that he is including pictures of her mom as well, his ex wife in this Christmas gift. I feel like this is a slap in the face to me. This is a Christmas gift of memories for his daughter and it just doesn't sit right that he is including pics of his ex wife in it. Am I just being petty? I've haven't said anything but it does bother me. Thanks in advance. I'd like any advice even it it means I may be wrong.

[waryfairy]

First of all, I totally understand where you are coming from. From your perspective, you are the one in a relationship with him now. The ex-wife is in the past so why should he put her in the poster?

But, you have to realise, however much you or your bf dislikes this ex-wife, she is, afterall, still the daughter's biological mother. This poster is a Christmas present for the daughter, so it does make sense for it to be a family portrait. There is nothing wrong with that. Parents splitting up should never affect the children. Maybe he thinks it would be a good present for her to be reminded that even though they have split up, they both still love her the same and they are still her family.

Don't take it too personally. It's just a poster for the daughter. Putting the ex-wife in there doesn't mean he still thinks of her or loves her or wants her back. He's just trying to make his daughter happy. Remember, she is an ex for a reason. The important thing is that you are the one with him now.

[surfhb]

Yes.....you're being silly.

This is a gift for his daughter. It's called life, put on your big girl panties and deal with it

[TheEvilJester]

I'm 31, so I'm guessing I'm not exactly in the age-bracket you were thinking when you said you were looking for advice from older adults. However, I still understand how you feel.

So, let me say this.... You shouldn't feel bad that you feel this way. You can't help it, and it is certainly understandable. However, at the same time, you should do your best to not let it bother you and just forget about it. Because there really is no cause to worry about it, or feel insulted. If it were a gift for him, that would be different. He's with you now, he certainly shouldn't want a family portrait with his ex.

This is for his daughter. Why would she NOT want her mother in her family portrait? Even though her parents are no longer together, they are still both her parents.

So, again, don't feel bad for feeling the way you do. That is completely understandable. But, at the same time you should realize that you don't need to feel that way. So, certainly don't act on it at all. Hope that helps.

[woody]

He is with you; you are his lady. Don't forget that.
This gift your man is making is for the daughter; the ex is her bio Mamma; it is a gift.

In no way does that indicate anything else other than including her in this xmas picture for the daughter. Very simple.

Again, You, are his lady.