Am I being petty or would you be at the end of your tether too...

[Spannarack]

Hi, I'm new to this forum but I really need to vent and get some feedback. I apologise as this may be fairly long...

I have been with my current partner for nearly 4 months, although we've known each other for around 6 years. I had a messy relationship break up in April and to be honest I'm still not over him. I can hold my hands up and say he was the love of my life. He cheated on me, and despite trying my hardest to forgive and forget I couldn't drop it, so the inevitable happened. We have remained in distant contact, but I know if it was anything more I'd end up getting hurt.

My current partner knew of my feelings for my ex so the subject has never been approached again. However I can honestly say a day hasn't gone by where I haven't though of my ex. Barring the obvious issue of his infidelity, the relationship was amazing. He was my soul mate. So obviously he's been hard to forget and its been nearly impossible not to make comparisons. I know I shouldn't but its difficult.

When me and my partner started dating it was brilliant, I was truly happy again. Like i'd been given a new life after months of depression. Just prior to meeting my partner I suffered an injury at work and have since been off for around 5 months, which to be honest hasn't helped my situation; I'm going stir crazy.

My partner has been amazingly supportive. In fact any girl would be lucky to have him....so why am I questioning if I still want to be with him. I love him, I honestly do, he's perfect. Until you spend any long length of time with him.

He's very clingy. VERY!. I cant go five mins without being text, or rung. He only ever wants to be with me in his spare time. I've suggested he goes out with his friends every so often and it falls on deaf ears. He's even cancelling plans with friends so he can see me instead. I'm an incredibly independent person so having someone hanging around me all the time is stupidly suffocating. I've explained my need for 'me' time and he agreed to back off a bit, but this barely lasted a week before he was turning up at my house unannounced. He even threw a child like fit because ONCE i told him i wanted an evening to myself.

His table manners are beyond shocking. He eats with his mouth open, talks with his mouth full. Picks his teeth (noisily) even in restaurants. His manners in general are poor. No please or thank you, he's basically staked a claim on everything that belongs to me, baring in mind I'm on limited funds at the moment as I'm off work, he'll eat his way through half my stock in an evening. If he brought his own, or even attempted to replace what he took it would help but he doesn't.

He will sneeze and cough without covering his mouth, slurps his drinks to such a level he must know its ridiculous. Constantly plays with himself, usually in public. I honestly don't know the last time he brushed his teeth (he spends most of his time around mine and has never brought a tooth brush), as a non smoker and he smokes like a chimney, its just polite to at least mask the ashtray taste, but to not brush your teeth at all is beyond disgusting. As you can imagine, intimacy is limited!!

He snores like a rhino, so I've invested in sleeping tablets and ear plugs just to be able to sleep next to him. Then there is the issue of him throwing himself about in his sleep. He's not graceful and is like a elephant when he moves, so that wakes me up nearly every night. I have bruises from his flying limbs! I know its not his fault, but its hard not to be resentful. I don't even enjoy sleeping with him anymore.

I've tried subtle hints, not so subtle hints to even being quite blunt and almost nasty with him, but he pays no attention. Everything he does he seems to be doing to get a reaction, because we spend stupid amounts of time together conversation is minimal at best and if he does say anything, its either repeated from two hours earlier or beyond ridiculous it doesn't even warrant an answer.

I honestly don't know what to do. I'm obviously still grieving from my previous relationship, so is it unfair to carry on with this relationship because of that? Like I've said my partner is perfect bf material. He's everything a girl could want but unfortunately comes with every single one of my pet hates! With me being off work I'm surrounded by the same faces and surroundings so I'm bound to be stressy. Do think this is the main reason for my irritation or do think that this will only get worse? I feel its unfair to judge our relationship whilst we're not in an normal routine, but his manners and habits wont improve when I'm back at work. Would you see how things went or would you say he's not the one for me and move on??

I'm 27 and my partner is 28

[basilandthyme]

Any girl lucky to have him? Perfect BF material? Everything a girl could want?

You've gotta be kidding me.

[Spannarack]

What I'm saying is, on paper he's perfect boyfriend material. 100% loyal, would bend over backwards to please his gf you know boyfriend qualities you want! Unfortunately he has many faults!

[Wakeup]

So, why are you afraid to break up with him?

[Spannarack]

Because I do genuinely love him. I've been cheated on by every bf I've been with. Everything that was ever promised to me was taken away. My partner could offer me a safe, secure future, and as I'm writing this I'm all warm and fuzzy because I do want a future with him. However, if he was here I'd be sat on my hands trying not to strangle him :/ Its confusing me how much my feelings can change towards him depending on whether he's around me or not. I don't want to break up with him in case this is purely due to my situation regarding work, but then i don't want to get caught up in something that later will be increasingly difficult to get out of.

[basilandthyme]

What I'm saying is, on paper he's perfect boyfriend material. 100% loyal, would bend over backwards to please his gf you know boyfriend qualities you want! Unfortunately he has many faults!

If he's got many faults, then he's NOT perfect boyfriend material

[Spannarack]

Well then no one is perfect then! We all have faults, I've come on here for advice, not to be picked apart. How about helping me come up with some answers instead of telling me how 'awful' my partner is?

[Wakeup]

Sadly, there's nothing to tell you that you'd want to hear. So, why ARE You afraid to leave him? He sounds awful..

.... and you sound like you're using him to help you get over your ex. Is that why you didn't run for the hills at the first burp, fart, nose pick etc?

[basilandthyme]

Well then no one is perfect then! We all have faults, I've come on here for advice, not to be picked apart. How about helping me come up with some answers instead of telling me how 'awful' my partner is?

No, nobody is perfect. But there's a limit of how many annoying things we can accept. If your list of faults wasn't so lengthy, I'd probably tell you that you're being too picky. But it IS lengthy and most of those things would end up driving you nuts over the years. At least, it would drive me nuts.

I've been with my hubby for 20 years and no, he's not perfect. However, his list of 'faults' doesn't come anywhere close to the list you've made. That's the difference.

Edited to add: what kind of answers do you want? The only options you have are to either a) accept him for who he is or b) leave. Changing him is not an option.

[IndiReloaded]

Thanks for the spam.

[surfhb2]

Everything else aside......anyone who doesn't brush their teeth has mental issues

Move on from the trailer park girl

[surfhb2]

Everything else aside......anyone who doesn't brush their teeth has mental issues

Move on from the trailer park girl

[Guybrush]

On the plus side: He is loyal
On the down side: Pretty much everything else

Is that correct?

If you need a loyal companion to keep your mind off things while waiting for the right guy to show up, why not get a dog?

I am not trying to be funny, I seriously think a dog would be a better option for you right now.

[VincenzoG91]

Because I do genuinely love him. I've been cheated on by every bf I've been with. Everything that was ever promised to me was taken away. My partner could offer me a safe, secure future, and as I'm writing this I'm all warm and fuzzy because I do want a future with him. However, if he was here I'd be sat on my hands trying not to strangle him :/ Its confusing me how much my feelings can change towards him depending on whether he's around me or not. I don't want to break up with him in case this is purely due to my situation regarding work, but then i don't want to get caught up in something that later will be increasingly difficult to get out of.

You don't love him. You're in love with the idea of being in love, but you're clearly uncomfortable about settling for this clingy slob. Maybe you could make a project out of him, and try to mold him into somebody that you could respect, but it might be easier to just start fresh with somebody different.

Just out of curiosity, what is the longest span of time that you have gone without having a boyfriend?