Living with ex girlfriend and she's seeing other guys

[whyme]

Hi all,

Hoping someone might possibly relate to this situation...

Basically, I met a girl in 2002 online and moved 200 miles to be with her after a couple of meetings. In 2005 I bought a house near her and she moved in with me. We got on really well, loved doing the same things, watching the same things on TV, same sense of humour and she was really attractive so I was crazy about her. In 2003 she met another guy online (who she had known from before me) behind my back and kissed him but we moved on from that. In 2007-2008 things became a bit difficult. She lost her first job and got depressed and didn't work again, I was doing a job I hated and started to resent her for not working and also got impatient with her having other problems. She had a few flirts with guys online, she would post pictures and loved all the attention. Then in 2012 there was a bombshell, after some snooping around I confirmed my fears that she had been meeting up with another bloke. It turned out there was one before him as well. At this point intimacy had pretty much gone from our relationship and there were lots of arguments. She broke up with this guy and then met another not long after but hid that too until I found out but became accepting and would even drive her to his house and she would pay me a bit of money to go out and buy a takeaway or something to compensate me even. I didn't date anyone else at all but did create some online dating profiles.
That relationship also ended after a few more months. Last week I found out she met up with a guy and just kissed him then after that she met up with another and booked a hotel room with him. She then admits she'd met 5 other guys this year just for sex, going to their houses etc.
She's 32 and has a thing for guys aged between 19-21 who are skinny and have six packs etc. and often in bands etc. They also treat girls really badly, her included. I was really nice to her over all the years yet she goes for these nasty guys. She is now saying as her clock is ticking she wants to get knocked up by one yet have no involvement with the father. She even gets obsessive and sends abusive messages to their new girlfriends etc.
It's a real shame as she said if she had a baby she'd want me to be the father as I'm really nice and would make a much better Dad but she's not in love with me and don't have sex. She feels like she can't as it would feel 'wrong' and thinks of me more like a brother or something. She talks about using a turkey baster or something! It's quite offensive really saying she wouldn't want to have my child as we're not in love and thinks it's better to raise a child conceived with some nasty guy she'll never see again as it was through making love!
In all the time we've been together we've done so much together but have not had any real friends either. I've not made any real friends in this area, just some acquantances through work and her family all know me really well and both our families think we're in a relationship still.
I'm now contemplating that after losing my job recently I could sell the house, kick her out and move back to be with my family but know I'd really miss her and she can't imagine her life without me either.
Really don't know what to do...

[dontaskme]

You are both fukced up. Two fukced up people together equal to a fukced/screwed up relationship.

You should break up ASAP, hopefully, you have a better chance than your girlfriend to become normal again.

[whyme]

Thanks, I like the optimism for my situation there. I was telling her she seems messed up, she spends quite a bit of time crying over these guys and having massive arguments with them all the time. It's driving me insane and causes lots of arguments between us. Worse thing is that as she doesn't have any close female friends she talks to me about these guys all the time and I really couldn't care less and when one of them got her drunk and practically forced her into bed she would ask if she should see him again?! I don't get it, she's somehow gone off the rails and I'm just keen to find a normal girl now to have a normal relationship (as much as possible!).
It's hard as I feel too guilty about kicking her out and would feel really sad and lonely when she's gone but having her talking to me about these other guys all the time really brings me down and also irritates me.

[dontaskme]

That piece of shit is not your problem. Kick her on the curb where her filthy ass belongs!

Now, you my man have got a lot of issues to deal with. Get your mojo back and don't let any woman treat you like a piece of dirt, period. No more excuses. Just do it and stop acting like a baby, be a man!

[whyme]

Thanks, appreciate the encouragement She gets so much of a boost from all these guys online who want to sleep with her and tell her she's really pretty etc. (which she gets sucked in with all the time). I tend to get more put down by her, especially when she compares me to these younger guys. I don't have much confidence in dating etc. again, after all it has been about 12 years now...

[TablesandChairs]

OP, you have some personal issues you need to deal with because the fact that you're still co-existing with this person is the most surprising thing of all. She's a mess - she's a teenager trapped in an older body; a woman who glamorises single parenthood even though she has trouble maintaining employment. She seeks attention from teenage boys online. Why would you even want her? What has lowered your standards to this extent? Sure, she's been toying with you for years and it's gross - but you've allowed it when a man who has some self-worth would have kicked her out a long time ago. I don't think what you feel is love, it's co-dependence. Her own stupidity will ensure she gets used time and time again by young men who know she's an easy lay - in the end, they won't settle for her and she'll play the victim, she'll abuse their new girlfriends...rinse and repeat until maybe, one day, she'll grow up. Or not. I wouldn't stick around waiting and hoping, though.

A lack of confidence has kept many people locked in horrible relationships, in a life they don't deserve...putting up with all sorts of hideous behaviour because in their mind, it's better to have someone, even if that someone is a douche bag. Work on yourself and let her turkey baste herself all the way to China - not your monkey, not your circus - not any more. And you should be happy because as hard as it might seem now, you've been given the opportunity to find someone much better. But first, toughen up and shut the door to this.

[woody]

Give her the ol boot. It is YOUR house and you are being played for a fool. You know that right? I'm sorry to say but this girl sounds really immature and in need of constant attentions and she's keeping you on one of her many many lines as back up. You make her feel better about herself at the expense of your own self respect.
In a nutshell, ditch the B___.. Yes, yes, harsh I know and I don't use that term loosely but in this case, it seems warranted.
You are allowing her to walk all over you. Why would you do that and for so long? Huh, why????? Do you not know what you have to offer to a normal and functioning individual? Well, you best start remembering.
Yes it will be tough kicking her out. I bet she'll throw all sorts of crocodile tears your way, boo hoo, poor me, all that. Just see through it and know you must stand up for yourself because if you do not, her blatant lack of respect towards you will increase even more and you'll get caught up in her b.s and find yourself back here posting the blues and well, why waste any more time on little miss wrong when ms. right could be right around the corner but you can't meet her until you free yourself from this flake.

self worth man, get some.

[TheEvilJester]

As the others have said, you need to get far away from her. I think a lot of us know what it is like to feel hooked on somebody who is very bad for you, especially when things used to seem really good.

Heck, this doesn't sound EXACTLY like my situation, but a lot of what you describe about her reminds me of my ex. This lady sounds like a toxic person. You do not need that crap in your life. It starts to infect you and make you worse as a human being yourself. Even worse, sometimes you don't realize it until you are actually out of the situation.

You deserve somebody who will appreciate you for you. Trust me, you will realize how little you are going to miss this woman once she is out of your life. She sounds like a terrible person, if you ask me. In fairness, I don't know anything about her beyond what you've told us... But that is enough to tell me I certainly wouldn't want anything to do with her. So, my advice is to take care of yourself, and forget about her. Good luck!