First girlfriend - need advice!!!

[Lectus]

Hi guys!
So, I found this forum on the internet and decided to ask for help here. I appreciate the help from anonymous people.

I'll tell you guys a short version of the full story here, so you can give me a better advice:

My mom has a Church and I'm a pastor at this church. Last month I heard some giggling and gossip around the congregation. Ended up that a female member of my church said that another girl was in love with me for about 7 months. I was noticing everybody encouraging me to ask her out, but I thought everyone was just joking. So, I went up to her and asked if it was true. She said YES and we scheduled a date.

We made our first meeting at the mall and she was reluctant to kiss. She said she never kissed before and never had a boyfriend. But she declared she really wanted to get to know me better.
Then she came with some major drama: she told my mom on the phone that she was afraid of interfering in my activities in the church. She also told my mom that she didn't want that I hurt her feelings.
We met again at the mall and I tried to make her feel more secure saying it was in her head. We then kissed in this afternoon.
Then at another day my mom invited her to have a quick meal at my house. She came and we talk/kissed as always.

Since then I've been trying to meet her with no luck. The first time I invited her to eat some ice cream, I told her to meet me at my house (since the ice cream store is near) and then we would go to the church together at night. She didn't make it. She said she couldn't arrive in time.
The other time we agreed on going to the movies and again she was supposed to meet me at 14:00 and she didn't arrive here. Ended up I told her to go straight to the church at 18:00.

Additional information:
* She's 22 and I'm 27.
* She's poor and her mom works as a house maid. She studies at university (paid by the mom's employer). While I'm middle class and a software developer and pastor.
* Her mom and my family too, both, fully support our relationship.
* She says she studies to be a nurse and a doctor in the future. She claims to have her entire week filled with tasks.
* I never had a girlfriend, just casual hook ups. She claims to have never KISSED anyone!
* When we meet she's caring and loving, we kiss with no problems at all. This happens usually at the end of the church service and she takes a ride with me to the bus stop.

Some problems:
* She's ALWAYS busy. She claims to study and work. She rarely have time at weekends, because she says the hospital puts her to work on crazy hours.
* She always goes to the church at night and that's when we meet. But of course, I'm not there to date her, I'm there to preach.
* She NEVER calls me on the phone or sends me SMS/whatsapp messages. She says to me that she doesn't like the phone that much. She tells the other pastor that she doesn't have a chip from the same phone company and that's why she doesn't have money/credits to call (a new chip is only $4).
* The other pastor knows stuff about her that I don't know. She's always hiding stuff from me.
* She's constantly talking about us with other women of the church. I assume this is bad for our relationship. I can sense some envy from other women.
* When she flaked our last meeting, at night at the church I went to talk to her about this and she was different. She even said "I like you, but I don't have enough time. If that's a problem for you, you should BREAK UP! I told you this since the beginning.". She said this very confidently! Very different from the girl that was initially IN LOVE with me. And no, she didn't told me anything at the beginning. Our communication is VERY BAD. I knew she was busy from the other pastor.
I tried to tell her that I missed more communication in our relationship, and that we should talk more about our problems. It looks like she ignored it.
At the end of the night we went to eat some pizza (me, my mom, the other pastor and this girl), and she said I forgot that we were completing 1 month of being boyfriend/girlfriend. (I didn't know I was her boyfriend yet??).


Sorry for the long post. I really want to give enough information to be helped.
Some questions:
a) Is she playing me? Is she inexperienced? What the hell is going on? I'm completely clueless.
b) What should I do? I like this girl, but her behavior freaks me out. I've been hurt in the past and I don't want to be with someone that I'm not sure that she likes me.

[purple_roses]

Well you must not be happy with how things are going if you are looking for advice. I would find a female that is more available and shows more interest. She never uses a phone and busy constantly would be a huge turn off for me, but hey, maybe I'm needy.

[dontaskme]

^^^ Yes, you are needy!

Anyway OP, you have to understand that your GF is not in the same social class as you are, therefore, she needs to work twice or three times as hard just to get by so what is "only $4" to you is probably a lot of money to her. Plus she has an ambition to want to become a nurse or a doctor so understandably, school will pre-occupy much of her time.

In essence, she's right, if that's something you cannot handle, then find someone else.

She's also only 22 so she may possibly be inexperienced when it comes to relationship so if you really like this girl, you will need more patience with her.

If you have a doubt in your mind whether she likes you or not, why don't you ask her in person how she feels about you?

[Lectus]

^^^ Yes, you are needy!

Anyway OP, you have to understand that your GF is not in the same social class as you are, therefore, she needs to work twice or three times as hard just to get by so what is "only $4" to you is probably a lot of money to her. Plus she has an ambition to want to become a nurse or a doctor so understandably, school will pre-occupy much of her time.

In essence, she's right, if that's something you cannot handle, then find someone else.

She's also only 22 so she may possibly be inexperienced when it comes to relationship so if you really like this girl, you will need more patience with her.

If you have a doubt in your mind whether she likes you or not, why don't you ask her in person how she feels about you?

I think you're right. But I already asked her before. She said she likes me.

I just find it weird that her actions speak the opposite of what she says verbally.

I find it really WEIRD that she's busy 24/7 to the point of not being able to call me or meet me.

I really hate it when girls are not clear about what they want.

[dontaskme]

I have a phone but I never call my boyfriend. He does all the calling and he doesn't mind. I just hate calling people or being on the phone, period, unless it is work related.

You said she goes to church in the evening, that is the perfect opportunity to talk to her and meet with her, after church. Tell her then how you feel about wanting to see her more and that you are having difficulty maintaining whatever relationship you have if you only see or talk to each other rarely. If she reacts to you indifferently, then you need to move on to someone else who can meet your needs.