Originally Posted by
lilyokla
I've been been dating this guy for 3 months and things have been going really well. We're taking it slow and see each other about 1-2 times per week. So here's where I need advice:
When I met him he told me he was 32 (I'm 27), never married and no kids, and that he had moved from the east coast a year ago. Honestly, I don't have a problem with older men and, actually, I've only dated older men. I told him this little fact about me when we were just getting to know each other. Some people (I understand not all) will look up someone online before they start dating and I did just that. Online searches indicated that he's actually 37. Initially I didn't think too much about it as information on the internet may not be accurate; however, I decided to bring it up a few weeks later. We were having dinner when I casually asked to see his license (I jokingly said I wanted to make sure he is who he says he is). He hesitated at first but took it out and showed it to me. His DOB indicated that he is in fact 37. I was confused and upset that he had lied about something so trivial. I asked him why to which he responded, "Honestly, it was stupid and I don't know why I lied to you." I mentioned to him that I've only dated older men and was confused why he would lie about a small age gap. He didn't have an answer and looked visibly upset. He apologized and said he would understand if I didn't want to see him again. I accepted his apology but asked him if there was anything else I should know, that if there were other facts about him that he's hiding it's best to just tell me now and I wouldn't be upset. He looked me in the eye and said there was nothing else. As we were leaving, I told him that I'm still going to look him up online to make sure he's telling me the truth. He said I have every right to do that but assured me there was nothing else he was hiding.
A few weeks after this small bump, I decided to look him up again. Everything at this point checked out, but there was one thing that didn't make sense to me. He had told me he only has a sister and brother who live in the state and the rest of his family is still on the east coast. Long story short - I found a woman on FB who lives in the same city, shares his last name (she used to go by a different name), shared similar addresses with him (both in our current state and on the east coast). I found her as she had liked a FB page belonging to his company. Her page wasn't completely private so I was able to view a couple of pictures - one with them together at a baseball game (about 2 years ago in our current state as well as a picture of her with a teenage boy who looks like the guy I'm dating). Additionally, on her timeline she had a post of the date she and him met (and he liked this status). I thought about all of this and didn't want to make assumptions about him. So I asked him if we could talk. Well, I came right out and asked him who she was. He responded, "A family member. Why?" I asked him to try again. His response? "Where is this coming from?" I flat out asked him if he is/was married to her. His response? "I'm feeling attacked here. Where is this coming from? You're putting me in a corner and I don't like it. How do you know this information?" I told him by not answering he's already given me my answer. He said there's no point in answering as I seemed to have made up my mind. I eventually told him how I came to know this information, that I told him I was going to look him up again. He finally answered: "She's my ex wife." I was calm but very upset. I told him I wasn't upset he's divorced; I was upset he lied to me, repeatedly. It was a huge lie and I felt disrespected. I asked him further questions: "Are you still romantically involved with her? Are you separated or divorced? Why did you lie?" He answered that he was not in any way involved with her and that he was divorced after four years of marriage. The reason why he lied was because it was a difficult time in his life that he did not want to be reminded of. This is when I asked him who the teenage boy in the picture was. He was annoyed I asked and didn't answer initially until I reminded him it's better to tell me now. He eventually told me that he has a 15 year old son. Again, I mentioned to him I wasn't angry he has a child or that he's divorced, I was only upset and disappointed he lied to me. We talked for quite a bit and I finally said to him that I needed to see proof he was in fact divorced as a way to build back the trust. He said absolutely. He apologized again and I accepted his apology; however, I told him not to mistake my forgiveness as a sign of weakness. I asked him if there was anything else I should know. He said no, that this was everything. I told him we're starting from the beginning and I'm giving him another chance. We all make mistakes and I'm not one to judge. He looked visibly angry when talking about his ex so I can see that it didn't end well between the two of them. As we were leaving, I mentioned to him that he can share facts with me about this part of his life when he's ready; I won't be asking him further questions about it. He said that if I have any questions that I should ask him and not keep anything that's bothering me.
So...the next day I was in bed and, well, I decided to look her up again. Her FB page was now 100% private (her pictures and timeline). I found this odd, very odd. I honestly can't think of an answer as to why. They're still friends on FB by the way. So this is where I'm seeking advice. Should I bring this up? Is this a red flag? Why is she suddenly private after I found out this information? Seriously, I'd appreciate advice on this. Oh, and I completely forgot to include this - the pictures I saw on FB were of him in our current state from two years ago when he told me he had moved here a year ago. What?!