I had no other real place to turn so I decided to ask the internet. I am in a pretty tough spot right now.
Had a strange ending to a great relationship with a girl almost 5 years ago. Long story short, I knew I loved her the second I saw her. I knew I was IN LOVE with her after our first kiss. It was a movie like first kiss. It really freaked me out and I pushed her away. I have regretted it every single day since then. I have moved on with my life, but not a day goes by that I don't think about her and kick myself over the choices I made.
Fastforward to present time. I am in a messy situation. I am with a girl for the last couple years. We have a baby together now. The day she told me she was pregnant I was actually going to break up with her. But I figured, for the baby I should give it a real shot with her to see if it can work out. There is also speculation that she maybe got pregnant on purpose to keep me around. Thinking it would make us one happy family. We are very different. She constantly keeps tabs on me and is convinced I am cheating on her, when I have given no reason to think that. She thinks I am a liar so when I tell her I am doing something she doesn't believe me. If she only knew I am with my friend throwing a frisbee at the park like a couple of dorks, like I said I was going to be doing.... it gets very frustrating to be smothered like this and accused when I have done nothing. She is insecure because she still has baby weight and I get that. But no matter what I say or do, she is stuck in her own head and I am unfortunately the one who pays the price.
I know that it isn't going to work out, but I am kind of stuck at the moment. I had an injury and have not been able to work for a while so I am not able to financially live on my own, let alone, help support a child. We both know it is not going to work out, but she scares me with some of the things she says. Like suicidal things, that I am not sure are real or just to make me feel bad. She is very dramatic, but I don't want to dismiss anything so I have her friends on alert. We have both sacrificed greatly the last couple years, but how long can you sacrifice your own happiness? Sure we have a child and you live for the child, but we also have to live for ourselves. What is the point of being on this planet if it is not to be happy? How can we stay in a relationship based on guilt?
Here is where the two stories collide. Me and the girlfriend broke up last weekend. We talked about it, and figured it was for the best. But then the next day she acted like nothing was different. So things are up in the air. But I have just found out that my ex is single again. This could be my last chance with her. Maybe it won't work out, or maybe she hates me, but to not at least try would be something I would not be able to live with. Here is my question
How can I make communication with her? Even if broken up, I can't move out on my own right now. The situation would probably scare her away, especially if I am still living with the babies mom. But I don't think I can wait because girls like this don't stay single. It might seem harsh that I would try and jump right into something, but I have been checked out of my current relationship for a long time.
Also, this has nothing to do with me wanting to be with my ex, but it is just an added torture... but she is all over TV right now. She is making small appearances on a bunch of TV shows and a ton of commercials. That doesn't make me want to be with her any more than I already did, but I just see her constantly so it is just this reminder I can't escape.
I feel terrible about this entire situation, but I also feel like I deserve to be happy. Maybe things don't work out with my ex, but happiness is not going to be found with my current girlfriend.