Help with a complicated situation (Reader's Digest version)

[Freeway3137]

I think you just owned TAVS

[vashti]

Hardly. If this guy thinks TAVS is hard on him, he should have seen Cybog. He would have crucified this guy.

[Am_I_Crazy]

Hardly. If this guy thinks TAVS is hard on him, he should have seen Cybog. He would have crucified this guy.

I can handle myself just fine. I'm a former U. S. Marine and Gulf War Vet. There's nothing anyone can say on here that I haven't heard before.

I just dislike people whose idea of giving advice is to be as condescending and rude as they can be.

That's not advice. That's just being a jerk.

[vashti]

As I said, that was nothing compared to Cybog. Maybe you should look up some of his old posts.

BTW - I believe he was also a Marine...

[Am_I_Crazy]

As I said, that was nothing compared to Cybog. Maybe you should look up some of his old posts.

BTW - I believe he was also a Marine...

Great. I can handle it.

Right now I am just looking for responses to my question of how to handle this without pressuring her or pushing her away.

If the advice is downright rude, I'm not going to listen to it. I already know what my options are.

What I am interested is if someone has some insight as to how I can accomplish what I am trying to do.

Telling me to "grow balls" or "quit crying" isn't an answer to the question. Like I said, it's being a jerk.

[vashti]

There is no way of handling this without pressuring her. You deserve an answer and should either get one, or get the ring back. Period. There is no excuse I can think of for taking this long. Unless she thinks you are giving her the ring with no strings attached.

[Am_I_Crazy]

There is no way of handling this without pressuring her. You deserve an answer and should either get one, or get the ring back. Period. There is no excuse I can think of for taking this long. Unless she thinks you are giving her the ring with no strings attached.

No, she knows I will want the ring back.

I did ask her that when she made a decision to not tell me via email or phone but to meet with me so that I could either see the ring on her finger or collect it.

[vashti]

Then get on with setting a date to meet with her.

[Am_I_Crazy]

Then get on with setting a date to meet with her.

Well let's see.

I asked her to lunch on the 10th, no reply.
Asked again on the 20th joking that she must be busy to pass up Indian food. She replied that she was "busy, sick, dizzy, stressed and emotional" and that right now she just needed some space.

So I have tried nicely to get her out to lunch to see where she's at and she's resisting. Partly because she knows I will ask her about the ring. Then again, that is the PERFECT opportunity for her to give me the ring back and say no.

So why is she resisting meeting with me?

Either she doesn't want to hurt my feelings or she truly hasn't decided and isn't ready to meet.

Those are the only two conclusions I can come to.

[vashti]

Maybe she sold the ring.

[Am_I_Crazy]

Maybe she sold the ring.

Possible but doubtful.

It's obvious that I am not going to be able to prod her for information without pressuring her to some degree. So how about this message?

"Ok, I will give you your space, as much as you need. Before I go, I just need to know something. Are you seriously considering the proposal or are you just afraid to hurt my feelings?"

[Denthrare]

First off, Semper Fi, Marine.

Secondly, do you really want to be with a woman who would do those kinds of things to you? I understand that you love her, and that you would suffer for her, but this is needless suffering. You are subjecting yourself to her whim, and (in my opinion), she is probably holding on to the ring just to hold on to you.

She's throwing your feelings around, and as much as you love her, a woman who would break your heart like that will not make a good wife or partner.

Forgive me for saying it, but... if she loved you the same way you love her, she wouldn't do this. No excuses. Your time is valuable, and you shouldn't use it on someone who won't make time for you.

I apologise for what I said, and wish you good luck in resolving this problem.

Thank you for your service, sir.

-Z

[Denthrare]

Sending that message would be a good course of action in my opinion, sir.

-Z

[vashti]

Possible but doubtful.

It's obvious that I am not going to be able to prod her for information without pressuring her to some degree. So how about this message?

"Ok, I will give you your space, as much as you need. Before I go, I just need to know something. Are you seriously considering the proposal or are you just afraid to hurt my feelings?"

I don't think she is considering the proposal. Her silence speaks volumes. Just ask her to return the ring. She will tell you if she is actually considering the proposal.

[dreamer101]

Sometimes my friend silence speaks a thousand words. Rignt now its screaming at you. Get your ring, and set sail for a new shore i'd say.

I haven't read all the posts, but I hope things work out the best for you.