It's Been Almost Two Years

[Twoface]

That is whats happening i guess if you look at it that way. But also the reason she cries may be because she just cant handle her emotions well? Im not sure, it may be a mix of both reasons.

She also does have anger management problems and probably just bad management of every emotion. And it makes sence because she has such a hard time telling me her feelings.

I know we are compatible, i just think she has some emotional growing up to do. But at what cost to me and how long will it take?

[Junket]

That is whats happening i guess if you look at it that way. But also the reason she cries may be because she just cant handle her emotions well? Im not sure, it may be a mix of both reasons.

She also does have anger management problems and probably just bad management of every emotion. And it makes sence because she has such a hard time telling me her feelings.

I know we are compatible, i just think she has some emotional growing up to do. But at what cost to me and how long will it take?

You're not compatible.

You just want it to be so.

[RdHrshyKss]

i feel bad saying this, but i really don't think she is going to grow emotionally at all if she stays with you. since you have tolerated this type of behavior for so long it has become a defining characteristic of your relationship. i think the only way she'll be able to grow is if you guys go your separate ways. she'll either (1) find someone else who will tolerate that type of childish behavior/torture, or (2) realize how childish and immature her behaviors were and take action to grow up a bit.

you guys are young! you've been together for 2 years already and you are only 19, which tells me that you were probably her first real bf and she was your first real gf. go out and play the field for a bit. you'll get a taste of the crazy variety of options out there. and who knows, maybe after some time apart and experience in other relationships you guys will find each other again and the second time around will be MUCH better.

my sister is going through the same thing right now. she's 21, had been in a relationship with her ex for 2 years and although she loved him very much, they just weren't clicking. she would get aggravated with him very quickly, she'd find herself wanting to go out with friends rather than hang out with him...it took her awhile to come to grips with the fact that they were just not working, but she finally acknowledged the truth and moved on. it's just a classic example of how love is just not enough sometimes. making a relationship work takes so much more than just loving the other person, and if your gf is not at a point in her life where she can take on the responsibility of being selfless and making the effort to give you what you need, then you should move on. don't settle, there are SOOOO many girls out there that you are more compatible with.

[Twoface]

Yea, i dont think she is at the point in her life when she can be selfless. It's obvious that i am and sort of expect the same out of her. I finally realize it now. I really dont want to settle. My parents' marriage ended in divorce because my mom was sort of like me...just tolerated anything until it got so bad that she split. Even my grandparents after i dunno 30+ years of marriage split up. I do NOT want to follow in their footsteps.

I read some astrology stuff and it said that gemini and cancer are usually not compatible long-term because they are so different, different in a bad way. I'm the gemini and she's the cancer. I dunno if you guys believe in that stuff but thats what i heard.

But the thing with this girl which is really the best thing i love about her, is that she loves me for who i am. I'm worried that other girls will see my true personality and dislike it. My current girlfriend, even though she is super hard to deal with, knows me better and accepts me more than anyone. It's just going to break her heart if i do this to her. I know it may come to this end but if it does....we'll be in for some ruff times.

[girl68]

Unless your a total dickhead you can and shall be loved. First relationship always seem the THE BEST- nothing will ever come close. Well most first relationships don't work and most of us find happily ever after.

[RdHrshyKss]

yeah, although i'd like to believe that it's possible for someone to be so lucky as to meet their soul mate when they're young, it must be a one in a gagillionbillion chance that it would happen. that's why so many people end up divorcing...they want so badly to believe in this romantic idea that they end up with the wrong person and spend the rest of their lives trying to fit the oddly shaped puzzle piece into the wrong spot. maybe it's an obsession with needing to control everything? people would rather try to force something to work the way they feel comfortable with rather than put themselves out there in a vulnerable position to try to figure what works best? in order to be really happy with someone, you have to know what YOU want/need and if your partner fulfills that for you...all the while learning the needs/wants of your partner and doing everything you can to fulfill them.

how can you be even close to figuring out what you want in a partner without any real experience? most people learn what it is that they want in a relationship by experiencing the opposite, but you won't figure it out by staying with the first person you ever dated. your girlfriend won't know either. i'm sure the way she behaves creates a lot of stress and anxiety for her, she might not even be conscious of it, but she won't figure that out if you don't step your foot down and tell her how destructive she is being. she needs to learn how to take constructive criticism to better herself as a person. you can't force her to do that. she has to want to do it for herself, and she won't know to do that so long as you baby her. yeah it's going to hurt her. it hurts everyone. it sucks. but it's better you do it now, rather than joke yourself for the next couple of years to the point that you resent her, like your mom and your dad. it's better for you and her to be upfront about how you are feeling, communication is seriously so important, without it, well relationships just turn to chaos.

sit her down and tell her, "_____ are the things that i NEED in a relationship/partner. if you can not do _____ for me, or are not willing to try for the sake of making me a content man, then we should part ways now rather than drag it out. the one thing i refuse to be selfless about is my happiness. i want to make you happy, i love to make you happy, but i need someone who feels the same about me...and the way things are going in our relationship now is not making me happy. i feel like my feelings/needs are not important to you...." so on and so forth.

i'm not saying that you should go and dump her right now. give her a chance, she hasn't really had one yet because she's been in her little lala land about everything. and that's not entirely her fault! you've allowed this to go on for too long. so suck it up, tell her like it is and give it some time to see if there is any progress. and don't lie to yourself! be honest about what's going on. if things aren't changing, or if they had changed and are going right back to the way they used to be, get out! don't waste any more time than you have to, for your sake, and hers.

with all that said, my personal opinion is you guys would probably be better off without each other. she sounds like someone that probably still has a lot to figure out about herself. you've already analyzed yourself to the extent of noticing similarities in your behavior and your parents, grandparents, etc. you are a little further along than it sounds like she is. just don't put those feelings of yours on the back-burner. use them to move forward, and if she can't keep up, then she'll just have to find someone more at her pace, that's all. it'll suck for a little in the beginning, but you guys are young and will move on quickly i think.

[Twoface]

@RdHrshyKss - she DOES have a lot of maturing and figuring out to do. I need to tell her this whole deal as soon as possible. I would also agree and say that i have done a big deal of analyzing because i know that i'm not perfect and am constantly looking in the mirror to try to better myself. It doesnt seem like she does this and i suppose that's why she isnt at the level that i'm at. We've both had past experiences and very different ones at that, i am going to give this relationship one more shot. If we talk our problems out, and nothing really changes, i guess i'll leave. It'll probably be the most hurtful thing i could ever do. I dont know how i'll live with myself.

I guess it's for my own good right? Thats what matters right? I'm just so used to being selfless and so tolerant that i usually forget whats best for me.

Thank you again so much for your time, concern, and opinions.