open relationship?

[Only-virgins]

that's why every relationship should define it's own rules. There are levels of openness and I think what we're calling "open relationship" here is nothing more than one of the extremes of openness. The other extreme is: "in our relationship, not only can we not have sex or date other people, but you cannot dance/be friends with/ make any eye contact with the opposite sex". Extreme.

Damn, Thats good. I never actually thought of it that way. There are even people out there that have more then one spouse at a time like mormon people. Alot of it is cultural and the other is behavior.

[nomas]

Sure, man, it seems like radical notions because we're conditioned to viewing relationships in the "normal" sense of the term as what we see on TV or the movies and then most of us try to mimic them in real life...do you think this is why so many of them fail? We come in with certain expectations of what a relationship is, maybe??

Nah, this probably isn't the cause..

[artyemi]

conditioned, culture, peers, society.. i hate norms.

so if two person are "involved," but they are not defining themselves what they are, then what are they? Are they involved?

What makes casual sex casual? If one person thinks its just casual and the other person is in love, then what is this?

If two friends have a sexual relationship, does this make them friends with benefit?

Define away.

[misombra]

i think that's true nomas. however feelings, emotions, etc. get in the way of all this you see. once again you're right in theory, but in practice it is no fun when the person you are seeing is 'fooling around' with others. and fooling around doesn't have to mean sex, either.

it's easy to say, 'i'll never hold this person back he/she is free to do whatever makes them happy...' but to mean it is complicated.

[nomas]

This is where that little "communication is the key" bell tolls.

You should know how you and how your "partner" sees the "relationship". If you're viewing it as casual sex and your partner is in love with you it's probably not the situation your partner would call ideal. You should be frank and your partner should know how you're viewing it...the same is true for the partner in love....and if you're both still cool with it, then everyone wins...or at least they are not being lied to. If you're being straight up...there's this saying: "Sobre avizo no hay engaño"..kinda translates to "there is no deception with prior notice".

But you're right, sombra...it's easy for me to speak theory when I have no practical application to speak of.

But from my stand point, I offer my view.

[artyemi]

hmmm... everything is good in theory.
in application, too much complication.

damn stupid emotions always get in the way.

what if you just enjoy each other's companionship and you're want to enjoy that companionship till a stronger passion comes along, or become available to you (like you're waiting for someone to end their relationship)? what is that considered? is that using someone? but what if they know that and are not expecting anything more?

[nomas]

Again: "sobre avizo no hay engaño". As long as you're not misleading or flat out lieing to someone, I see no fault in anyone's view of a relationship.

[misombra]

how much fun is it to be the person this other person is using until the next best thing comes along though? gawd that would suck.

[nomas]

but give you temporary happiness, right? Like a drug.... This is why I don't even take asprin....most of the time...

[misombra]

i would rather do drugs.

[artyemi]

yep! It's f***ed up.

Can't agree more. It sucks to be that person being used, dammit. argggh..

So how does one get out of it?? (Alrighty, at this point, you can assume that it is no longer a hypothetical question.)

I know, willpower, willpower, willpower.

argggh...

[Only-virgins]

how much fun is it to be the person this other person is using until the next best thing comes along though? gawd that would suck.

Its really not fair to the person who comes along. I have been alone for almost all my life thanks to my brain repeating.."its either her or nothing".
There are social norms but emotions are a part of us and we have to be clear with the other person because maybe they have no clue how we feel. I think.

[Only-virgins]

what if you just enjoy each other's companionship and you're want to enjoy that companionship till a stronger passion comes along, or become available to you (like you're waiting for someone to end their relationship)? what is that considered? is that using someone? but what if they know that and are not expecting anything more?

Wouldnt the "stronger passion" that comes along find out? If I found out that they had no love and just were waiting for something better.....I would be upset. The most correct and morally right decision is always the one that causes the least pain.

[artyemi]

Wouldnt the "stronger passion" that comes along find out? If I found out that they had no love and just were waiting for something better.....I would be upset. The most correct and morally right decision is always the one that causes the least pain.

Why do you think they would be upset? It's almost like the two people were just dating or something and broke up when they find someone new. But they didn't have to break up because they didn't date.

Anyways, i think people shouldn't be together if they don't have feelings for each other, exclusively for each other. that's why open relationship is just weird, for me anyways.