Self esteem...where does it come from?

[shh!]

Oh, its rampant, Shh. Parents are largely responsible for the narcisstic culture that is present today:
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True; I guess I don't consider narcissism and self esteem to be the same thing.

[DoesntMatter]

but you know that deep down inside they want to go home and get a hug from mommy and be told they're special.

I always want to go home and get a hug from my mom. And the opinion of my mom and dad matter to me, while pretty much everyone else in the worlds opinion does not

[thesameguy]

I agree self esteem has to be built, you gotta try to do your best if not someone may come and take your opportunity away.

On a side note: Would you guys describe your self esteem as high?
Mine would be in between. ex: if I'm playing soccer then i try my best, but if I'm playing b-ball, then I don't really try.
Academics stuff-always try my best since my family is all about having a great education to become someone. So I always try my best on that.

[doppelgaenger]

Earn self esteem?

That doesn't make any sense.

[shh!]

Guys have self esteem issues too.

Males with self esteem issues are usually either non-productive or under-productive.

[doppelgaenger]

Males with self esteem issues are usually either non-productive or under-productive.

Then why are there so many guys wasting their money on overpriced clothing, changing their hair color, shaving their arms, legs, chests, unibrows, and worrying what women think about them, and all that?

[DoesntMatter]

Then why are there so many guys wasting their money on overpriced clothing, changing their hair color, shaving their arms, legs, chests, unibrows, and worrying what women think about them, and all that?

Because they want to get laid

[starbuck]

On a side note: Would you guys describe your self esteem as high?

Mine is high, with momentary dips of self-doubt. If the dips become more severe, then I get depressed, and have to work my way back up.

[doppelgaenger]

And why is there a whole isle in stores like Walmart, full of male enhancement products?

And why do guys work out so much, and worry about their abs?

[lastwish]

I think self-esteem comes from being self-reliant and not expecting others to give you what you need. And in the relationship realm: not focusing on how you can be qualified for the opposite sex to desire you but whether they are qualified to deserve you.

[Junket]

Hah! I thought Frasbee's post said self esteem was EARNED, which is why I agreed. I'm not sure how it is learned.

I don't see how self esteem isn't learned.

Blue already mentioned several points.

If your parents raised you differently you self esteem could be vastly different than it is, whether it be higher or lower.

Me?

I got my self esteem out of defiance. My mother and my living situation was always a challenge for me, and I could have either given in to it like my younger sisters have, and be consumed, or do what I did, rebelled against it and deflected some of the influence.

Unfortunately, some of the influence was reflected as well. I was a much less approachable individual in high school and soon after than I am now. Why? Because I felt the need to dress in many more false layers of confidence and security than I really had. My defense against my upbringing.

Took me a few years, and AmeriCorps, to help me out of it.

[shh!]

Took me a few years, and AmeriCorps, to help me out of it.

It sounds to me like you were faking self esteem until you joined Americorp, when you proceeded to earn it.

[doppelgaenger]

And by earn, you mean, learn or discover, shh.

[shh!]

No, I don't. I mean he EARNED it. He worked hard doing things for other people with no expectation of reciprocation. He EARNED it. Never ending self-reflection (which is where I think you are going with the self-discovery bit) does NOT give you self esteem; it's much too selfish an act.

[Mish]

Is this a genetic thing? or is this something that changes by the way they one has been brought up? Does it make a difference what gender you are?

When talking about subjects related to human growth or psychological make up it's ussually discussed through a prism of "Nature Vs Nurture". This is because neither are 100% genetic nor 100% learnt, there is ussually a correlation between the two.

The way I see it, self esteem can come from both. For example having an attractive body will generate more positive attention around you which will translate into a more positive self esteem. In another example, learning coping social skills and emotional intelligence techniques can likewise attract positive attention which will also translate into a more positive self esteem. Though, I believe self esteem is something which is built gradually through experience of interaction with others. Those with higher experience in positive interaction will generally have a higher self esteem and a more individualized self esteem that can self-activate without any outside stimulation.