You're the one not understanding cause and effect. The OP's boyfriend's actions CAUSED her to say those words. She was not unprompted.
basilandthyme is saying that blaming the OP 100% is like blaming a women who is beat up by her boyfriend for pissing him off enough to do it.
Cause: Bad treatment
Effect: Lashing out
Her ex needs to see that he was the cause for her words and get off his ****ing pedestal.