My bf brokeup with me coz his love on martial arts much greater than anything

[exprezo]

Hello all, please give me feedback on what i'm planning to do. I am holding up, tough but still holding coz i really wish he and I will work out. In these 10 days I plan to get him the jujitsu martial arts stuff for his bday which is the day after we will be meeting next week. also i plan to learn how to cook t-bone steak [this is a challenge for me] for his
so-called bday celebration. well these were planned by me before he brokeup wif me...i just wish to carry on n fulfill them.

Not even sure if he will be wif me but this is the least I can do for his bday. I duno what to buy on the jujitsu martial arts stuff. He told me he has those kendo-like sword already. He has those uniform, has those bandana...argghh what else can i get for him that is special? Please advise.

Also what u guys think of my plan, pertaining to our situation now

[vashti]

He broke up with you. That means you don't buy him anything.

[exprezo]

To lahnnabel

May I ask you what you said before [The phrase that did it in was, "You deserve to be a priority, but I don't want you to be right now." ] Who said it? You? Him? Meaning he does NOT want you 2b his priority NOW even tho he knows u should be priority now?

To all: I was talking to my guy fren who is married n has a daughter. He was "analyzing" my situation and told me...even I am giving my BF 10 days to think thru...he may not give me an answer. He says MAYBE my bf is a type of person who is indecisive of his life n emotional. If a person is firm n sure, he does not need 10 days..he can tell me rite away....

Oh no...is that true?

[joy&freedom]

Hey exprezo,

Don't give up, hold on As a matter of fact, I'm in the same situation right now: waiting for the guy's answer about the fate of our relationship... But I haven't given him any time limits for making up his mind.

I wonder, how often did you see/phone each other before he changed his attitude and after the change?

[lahnnabell]

Ex - Yes, he said it. He realized that I needed and deserved to be a priority, but he couldn't handle it at that time in his life. It took forever to get him to finally be honest with me. I still wanted to work through things with him, but I needed to know if that's what he really wanted.

And to be fair to your boyfriend, this is obviously a big decision for him. He quite possibly had plans to move to Japan BEFORE he even met you... And in this life, number one (yourself) usually has to come first. I don't think he's intentionally trying to hurt you, but he's clearly never had to make this kind of decision before. It makes it 10 times more difficult when another person is involved. I think he SHOULD take time to consider this.

How long have you guys been together? Sorry, if I missed that.

[exprezo]

TO: joy&freedom

We are / were still in honeymoon stage coz we officially admit each other as BF/GF for only 1 month. Before the change [before he went to chicago] we met average 3x a week and ALL meetings were initiated by HIM. I am the submissive one. On days we didnt meet, he usually texted me around 11a.m. or at lunch break. we also connected via GTAlk chat at work time. Sometimes my BF will visit me when he gets off work at midnite to "tuck me into bed". Just chat for like 1 hr and he will left coz it was already past midnite. I hangout with our mutual frens/coworkers during the time my Bf have to work weekends/ nites. SO clear enough i m not those clingy GFs..But yea I do want to have fair amount of time together.

AFTER he came back from chicago that was when he started to change:-
he rushed to see me when his plane landed - i was super happy with that
then the next day onward..no calls no txt no GTALK watsoever
2nd day later same...and i initiated to see him but he was very reluctant. at the end he still came over and started saying thing such as "didnt we just met 2 days ago??"

days after days i sensed he didnt text nor call me no more like before
miss him deadly and it's so hard for me to get thru each day.

NOW I miss him deadly and it's so hard for me to get thru each day.BUT I always feel better when I log in here to read all these comments n advices....inspire me
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reply to: lahnnabell
We are / were still in honeymoon stage coz we officially admit each other as BF/GF for only 1 month.

i 100% agree with you that he didnt do this intentionally and yes his plan of living in japan exists prior to my existence
And he is only 28....i know guys under 30 usually have a lot of DREAMS

I just hope he understands that I am supportive to his passion and dream and want to work things out with him and I am "suffering" now to let him think. I feel dreadful everyday, to be honest.

I miss him deadly and it's so hard for me to get thru each day.

BUT I always feel better when I log in here to read all these comments n advices....inspire me.

I just got him a martial art gift for his birthday next week we meet. and need to learn how to cook t-bone steak and bake cupcakes for him

[joy&freedom]

Well, I see what you mean by not getting enough attention from your boyfriend. I don't know if it'll make you feel better but it had to happen anyway. I mean that it's impossible to keep the relationship going always with the same intensity. It's a natural thing that ups and downs occure. Maybe you've just ended that "honeymoon stage" and a new stage will begin.

Even if your boyfriend comes up with a negative response in a week's time, it doesn't mean he cann't change his mind later. Unfortunately, not all the people know what they want... Leave him alone for this week - sometimes distance makes miracles in human relationships

[exprezo]

TO: joy&freedom

Thanks for the nice words...I also forgotten to share with you all one thing my BF ever told me before we brokeup / cold war.

He says he feels he is dating a girl out of his league.

What can I do not to let him feel that way?
He is very down to earth person and younger than me. I think he felt bad he was being lazy and lost when he was younger and didnt complete his degree. So now he is finishing his degree. I never minded his past.

I hope this is NOT part of his reason to withdraw from me.

[lahnnabell]

I dunno, hun. He may not feel that it's worth it after you guys have only had the chance to invest so little time. My boyfriend just returned from spending 4 months in Mexico studying. We got together in August last year, and we talked about his leaving (as he had been planning that trip since before he met me). He said if we had met right before he left, he would've worried about the relationship. Instead we had enough time to be with each other and really invest ourselves. This is why we're still together today. I dunno if it would be the same had we not had that extra time together.

[misombra]

he's looking for the master.

[lahnnabell]

misombra, that made my day.

[exprezo]

Reply: lahnnabell
I think you're SO CORRECT. I was thinking about the exact same logic while I was driving home from work today. IF we were together for at least 3 months before he left for chicago...I think we wont have this issue now. That does not change him from NOT liking martial arts but i think he will work things out with me. But he left to chicago only few weeks after we got together. Argghh this is just unfair for me. He loves me, I love him..why is it SO TOUGH? today is friday and it's killing me alone at home. usually every friday i will drop by his work n have 1 hour dinner with him.
i have been good..i didnt call nor text ever since monday...i m holding but just hurts alot.....

any solution for a temporary healing until i see him next week>?

[joy&freedom]

If loneliness becomes unbearable, try to fill your time with some activities which can stop you from thinking about the guy all the time (because it really kills). For example, watch some relaxing films or do whatever you can think of to pass the time. You need some distraction from those thoughts now. Maybe see some friends? Hold on!

[exprezo]

Thanks joy&freedom

I got help from a friend, did a dry run on cooking steak and baking cupcakes yesterday. also got idea on how shall i present n decorate for next thursday...but i am so scare this will chase my BF away [for being so nice to him] Also scare he does not appreciate my effort....sigh

[Illusional]

would you consider moving up to japan with him?? would he consider that??

raverboy