why does it seem like only sex makes him happy?

[rwoodham]

Well at 30 years old he shouldn't be acting like that. If he was just as young I could see it. But still it would a bit extreme with the way u tell it. Guys like sex. Pure and simple the better it is the more we want.

[SweetGurl21]

Yeah, I get that guys like sex and alot have told me that. It just bothers me how immature he gets about it at times and he makes it seem like it's the only thing he cares about. I'm trying to change in that department .. infact the last 3-4 times we've had sex I was the one that wanted it and went after it. But ... then during arguements he ALWAYS says it's him initiating not me and alot of the time when he brings up our sex life during arguements he'll say stuff like " It's been a month since we had .. you don show any interest in me at all" .... and i have to remind him " well actually we had sex 3 weeks ago and I initiated it ... the week after I had my period and the week after that we had sex and I once again was the one who initiated it" ... he whines about how infrequent we have sex but he forgets ALOT of the time when we have actually done it and when I remind him all he says is "oh right ...... well still you needs to initiate it more"

I love him but he forgets alot of things and yeah it seems like it's they only thing he cares about. I find it weird that he's 30 years old and acts so immature.

[vashti]

It's easy to blame the other person, when in fact, neither of you are meeting the other's needs. I don't find it weird that he acts so "immature". After all, he hooked himself up with a very young girl... he wouldn't have done that if he were able to relate better to women his own age.

[IndiReloaded]

He's not so immature that he isn't bringing home the bacon and supporting his family.

If sex is painful, GET MEDICAL HELP. You are a parasite living off of this guys income and you aren't giving him anything in return. How about a blow job or hand job if actual sex is too painful?

Tho, you have kids, so obviously it wasn't always too painful.

Women like you make me ill. Find some self-respect so you can teach your children it as well. Relationships = BOTH partners contributing. No wonder guys cheat.

[SweetGurl21]

Umm did you not read the part where I said I initiated it the last 3-4 times we even had sex? I'm trying. I don't think I'm a parasite and living off of him. I never ask him to buy me anything, I never ask him to spend a ton of money me or anything, I buy my own stuff. All I ask is that he stop being immature and throwing tantrums when I say no for whatever reason.

I give him plenty. You obviously didnt read everything otherwise you would have read that I DID INITIATE IT THE LAST 3-4 TIMES WE'VE HAD SEX. You do make a good point tho about the handjob or blowjob ... and I HAVE done that. BJ's not so much lately but I have done that for him. Sex doesn't hurt so much anymore and I am trying to get back to where I was.

FYI, we only have one child and we were f buddies at the time she was concieved and then he dicked off for school 12hrs away and never came around until she was 4 months old and that was for a dna test, after that only once a month for a couple hrs until her 1st birthday.

[IndiReloaded]

FYI, we only have one child and we were f buddies at the time she was concieved and then he dicked off for school 12hrs away and never came around until she was 4 months old and that was for a dna test, after that only once a month for a couple hrs until her 1st birthday.

Oh man. Okay, you both sound like dumb kids. Question is: is he coming around now to being a responsible parent? Isn't he supporting you both?

If yes, then you need to start pulling your own weight. And not this daycare thing. Get a real job with a real career. This way, if he ever leaves then you have a way to support yourself and your child. Did you finish high school? Do you have any college? In what area(s)?

To me, the sex thing isn't even the real issue here.

Good luck.

[SweetGurl21]

We've been together for almsot 3 yrs now. Our daughter just turned 4yrs old. I'm pulling my weight as best I can right now. I've been looking for a job since November and nothing. I enjoy being around kids and my sister in-law is getting me setup or helping me, with doing daycare out of the home.It is something I can make into a career for myself. I was also thinking with doing that I could save up and take a secretarial course or a course that will set me up better in life. There's not really any jobs here right now unless your a truck driver or work in a mill or mine. He works and brings home the money, and I cook and clean and do the "womanly" duties around the house. He's old-fashioned in that sense I guess.

To answer your question, In a way yes he is comming around to being a responsible parent, but at the sametime no. It's like he wants to be together without her, alot of the time. Most of the time he's getting mad at her, snapping at her and whatnot and I don't like it.

I've suggested to him that WE go to parenting classes together so we're on the same page when it comes to raising her, he says no, he feels like parenting classes are for losers basically.

[SweetGurl21]

Sex probably isn't the real issue but our sex life is being impacted by other issues and he's making sex out to be a bigger issue then it really is.

[IndiReloaded]

No wonder. Its b/c you are in Williams Lake. I feel for you.

However, there are several programs you can do online with distance. UBC, SFU, and some of the colleges like Douglas offer programs. What are your interests?

And yes, I am from the Vancouver area and connected with post-secondary ed. So if you want some help, feel free to ask.

[IndiReloaded]

Here, take a look:

[url=http://www.tru.ca/distance/programs/un_cons/sfu.html]SFU Distance Programs, Thompson Rivers University, Open Learning, Distance and Online Education, British Columbia, Canada[/url]

Thompson also offers nursing degrees, which is a great career for moms wanting to get back into the workforce in a stable career. I would also recommend things like:

- graphic arts/computer skills/communications if you are into office stuff
- accounting/bookeeping if you are good with numbers--there are ALWAYS jobs for these people
- medical/lab technician if you like science--again, lots of jobs
- pharmacy tech

These areas are ones I am familiar with that I know employers are actively seeking. Good luck.

[SirWagginston]

You say you initiated sex the last few times, but then you talk about having had sex as recently as "3 weeks ago." That's less frequent than your condition allows. It seems to me that you two only have sex when you initiate it, while when he initiates it, he is rebuffed. He may feel inclined to reject your advances out of spite. He is probably becoming testy because his sexual needs are not being met, and being stuck in a family prevents him from tapping other sources (no pun intended).

[SweetGurl21]

I was using the 3 week thing as an example, like during arguements he'll throw out a random number or say it's been a month when it's only been 2 weeks or around that. He over exageratres. We had sex a couple night ago, I initiated it then he took charge of the situation I guess. But yes before that night, it was 3 weeks because I had my period and other reason ( out of town, one of us being to tired, him staying up late watching tv while I'm in bed or whatever). I know he's testy/edgy/whiney because his needs aren't being met, I'm trying to meet them again now, now that for the most part the pain seems to have died down, and I just feel better in general.

[SweetGurl21]

Thank you muchly! I will look into it a bit more. My interests are childcare and also interested in counselling but I dont know anywhere, where I wont have to move, where I can go to school for it. I'll take a look at those sites.

[IndiReloaded]

If income is an issue, there are programs that can help with this also. Childcare for some side money is fine, it will bring in some income, but its not a career. You are limited to the number of children you can take. Unless you are planning on opening a facility as a business, but you need business training and early childhood education training for that. Most at-home childminding places I looked at when my son was young I wouldn't have ever considered. I saw households that weren't under control themselves and there is no way a responsible parent would leave their children in such a place. So you are looking at low-income people using your services which will limit your 'career'. So, to do it right you are going to go to school anyway. Might as well go for something that is actually career-building.

[cmacattack1]

I don't know where to begin here.

All this talk makes it sound like it's more work and not enjoyable. Do you actually enjoy doing it or are you doing this to keep him happy?

You had a kid with him when you were 17 and he was 25? You guys were just friends and **** buddies with that kind of age difference?

I saw you say that you would tell him "you were tired" when you didn't want to have sex because it hurt. Did you ever actually tell him what was wrong? I would get frustrated too if I heard "I was tired" all the time when something else is clearly wrong. I don't agree with him however acting this way, and I think you made a poor choice if you accepted his proposal. Are you doing this because you have a kid with him and you feel that this is what you are supposed to do? Or are you genuinely in love with him, want to be with him for the REST OF YOUR LIFE, and do not want to love another person again?