Yes, i agree. I know i shouldnt feel this way, when i speak to my friend about it i know it frustrates the crap out of her because she doesnt understand why i could still love him like this.. I cant really call it love... Its more that i am attatched to him still. But you are so right, that is exactly how it went with us. He would act in unfair ways, i would start to complain, he would fight against me, then we would actually fight, then i would cry, then we would make up.
The contrast between that complete devastation i felt when he would scream abuse at me, pull my hair or just plainly make fun of me and watch me cry.. To when he would hold me, tell me loves me and then we would have sex. The contrast between those feelings is what i think i was actually addicted to in some way.. Just a f*cked up situation.
I am a lot better than i was, i still miss him in a way, but i am not so brain washed by the things he used to tell me. What type of girl i was, how people thought of me, what other peoples intentions were if they were nice to me and how i viewed other people because of what he told me.. I realise now that he is completely full of shit. Before, i used to think he knew everything and now its kind of laughable. lol
I have been talking about going back to therapy, i think it will help me a little bit... Hopefully. I know where and what i want to have in my life now.. I just need to be able to put my feelings and actions with those hopes.
Like i say, the sadness i feel comes and goes.. Which is what makes me feel so confused.
To add, about the guy i called him tonight and told him how i felt. And what i told you guys.. I explained everything exactly, that i felt nervous when he text me lovey dovey things without really knowing me etc.. He said he will try to act cool and back off a little, but he cant help it because i am always on his mind. LOL Sigh. We will see how it goes.