Depressed....

[Chlorine]

Jeblina---"I was reading some old letters that he sent me, and reading what he said to me, I just remember how I felt about him then...and wonder if I still feel the same way about him. It's hard to describe... "

I've kept old letters too. Reading it brings back all the memories, it's like going back to the moment. However, it is just a memory. Not here and now. Got to keep reminding oneself of that.

Tone----"Because my most recent ex got into a huge mess with me about having old girlfriends notes, sayin it's dumb to hold onto them, so I got pissed off and threw everything away just to shut her up."

It's your perogative. If you want to hold onto old notes for sentimental reasons, you shouldn't need to throw it away just 'cause a current girlfriend is whining about it. That's one of the things that bugs me about relationships. You lose your freedom - the significant other thinks they own you (and in this case your right to old notes).

[TAVS]

I have a box of keepsakes from my 3 serious relationships. I very very rarely look at them but it's nice to keep some memories, even if things didnt work out. I usually keep the box out of sight of others.

[Lloyd95]

I have a box of keepsakes from my 3 serious relationships. I very very rarely look at them but it's nice to keep some memories, even if things didnt work out. I usually keep the box out of sight of others.

I never understood why people did this. My ex did this and I see no upside. Anyone care to explain?

[TAVS]

I never understood why people did this. My ex did this and I see no upside. Anyone care to explain?

I don't know Lloyd. It's proably being pathetic more than anything. Maybe I'll never find someone else, and when I get old and lonely, I can recall the time I was loved. ROFL. Okay, that's lame. Here's a better idea.....Closure. I'm not destructive by nature, so I dont want to burn everything. The alternative is to lock it away in a box. Besides, it's not always a 'bad' box. When I look at the old photos from my first two serious girlfriends, they make me smile as I remember good times. They don't hurt like the ones of my recent Ex do.

[Lloyd95]

Still don't get it.

Say in 10-15 years you're married with a family? do you still keep the "ex" box? I mean, you're never going to make a photo album of old pictures; or display old stuffed animals you got in your new "home".

I understand keeping memoirs of your current SO, but the past is the past. You can't learn from any of the keep sakes.

Maybe you need to toss the stuff; then you hvae no choice but to forge ahead in your love life.

[TAVS]

It doesnt hold me back. I really dont see anything wrong with it. Good memories are Good no matter if they're of friends, family, kids, lost-love.

[Jeblina]

I never understood why people did this. My ex did this and I see no upside. Anyone care to explain?

I guess, at least for me, it's a way to hold on to that little bit of the past that I put time and effort and my heart into...even though the person is gone, I still have some great memories from the great times. I find that it always makes me think of the great times, rather than the bad, or ugly times.

And I've also found that as I moved ahead with my life, and onto different relationships, I've cleaned out some of those old love letters or pictures from past relationships (not the previous one, but a few relationships back...LOL). I guess when/if I get married, there will come a time that I feel the time is right to have that final bit of "closure" and throw out all my "ex" stuff....but for the time being....I really like having it around....comforting almost I guess? It's like a diary of sorts....a timeline of your past....

[Asip4u]

It's understandable what you're going through, Jeblina. Like you mentioned, when the right man comes into your life, it will be a lot easier to move onn and forget about this jerk once and for all. At this time, it's hard for you to do anything but hold onto the past, however, you must allow yourself to meet others, that way you're not totally keeping yourself from meeting someone that's right for you.

[Lloyd95]

It doesnt hold me back. I really dont see anything wrong with it. Good memories are Good no matter if they're of friends, family, kids, lost-love.

Whoa! Never did I mention not holding onto keepsakes of family and/or friends.

Just exes.

[TAVS]

I'm just saying that keeping keepsakes of lost love is no different than lost-family etc.

[Lloyd95]

I'm just saying that keeping keepsakes of lost love is no different than lost-family etc.

Disagree. You mean "lost family" as in deceased, right?

Well, if you're parents pass on, you keep things of their, pictures etc, to pass on to their heirs. to keep their memories and spirit alive to pass on from generation to generation.

With exes, you'll probably never speak of them again, yet alone show them off to your children. Exes are in the past; sure you can have memories of them but why keep them around if you are moving on? I understand why some gf's would be jealous of past gf's "things" lying around; I don't have a problem with it, but I can see their point.

I think once y'all move on, get in a good relationship, move onto bigger and better things (ie-kids, house etc.) maybe you'll see the picture more like I do. Maybe not.

[TAVS]

Well I dont have kids, but I do have a house. And I was about to marry my recent Ex, but I still appreciated having memores of my first love as well. I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. BTW, aside from my first GF, who was a long distance relationship, I remain friends with those whom I'm no longer with. At least I know what MSN is, So HA!!!

Edit: Deceased, alive, whatever. Memories are memories.

[Lloyd95]

Fair enough; I'm not friends with any of my exes; but I don't live near them or anything. and I grew up without cell phones and email.

[Ellynn]

Wow girlie.....I always remember sept. 11th as the week I lost my virginity....4 yrs ago!

Anyways..had to add that. yeah that must be a tough situation with your daughters father. I would hang on to those things to show you daughter someday though. Let her know that you both did love each other at the time, but things just didn't work out. I take it you were both VERY young so its understandable.

My friend too has gone thru some difficult times with her daughters father. He is in jail now and won't be out for two more years. At first when he went in there (for driving drunk and killing his best friend) she was actually considering about waiting for him. But I told her that she wasn't happy to begin with and she should keep her options open. So she did and now shes married.....two years after the fact... But I told her not to keep her daughter from him.....because that is still her dad. He doesn't have custody because they basically took it away from him..... He knows she got married and has a baby on the way and was upset at first...but now hes been ok with it. He still calls and writes his daughter.

But I feel for you that your ex didn't want to deal with father hood and actually signed over his rights. If your daughter wants to know who he is someday you should let her have that option of seeing him. But until then......just continue loving her and raising her. He obviously is a fool for not wanting to know his little girl.(I saw pics and shes adorable). But that was his choice and someday maybe he will realize what a mistake it was....

As for dating life not working out.......unfortunately thats how it goes....even for us single women with no kids. YOu just can't give up. It will be ok and things are bound to work out. Hang in there....