Confuzzled.

[PharmAngel02]

mate, do u hate paragraphs or something ?

and i am glad to hear that you have decided ur concerns in life . wish i could do the same

Haha, I don't hate them, I just feel like I'm not in school anymore, so when I type, I just go with the flow...like if I was actually talking to you, there's no distinct break and tab space in conversation, LOL. And yes, for the record, I did get an A in college english...and not the remedial classes either.

And also for the record...I know what SHOULD be my primary concerns and priorities. People have a funny way of f*cking it up too...and I can at times be especially good at that. The job and moving out of my house things...those I don't have any option but to get those taken care of properly. With the situation I talked about previously...I know what I SHOULD do, which is just to sit back and not get my hopes up and hold out for it. Sometimes I find my heart interferes with my logical reasoning, however, so who knows...when it comes down to it, I may a) make a total ass out of myself, b) find out we mutually want to try a long distance thing and struggle to make it work, or c) actually follow my logic. I also realize there are other ways this can be handled, which I may also end up doing.

The only up-side to all of this "drama" is that my feelings got hurt over it in the past, which I found out just recently was for absolutely no reason whatsoever. So I don't think any of the above conclusions to my matter could possibly result in me getting my feelings hurt again. Also, he's just not the type of person who would do that unless I did something extreme that would warrant it, and if all we ever are is really good friends, as long as he doesn't get involved with someone that feels threatened by our friendship and tries to strip that away, that's fine with me. Unfortunately, we are so close, if I was someone who started dating him and saw our friendship for what it is, I would most definitely feel threatened enough to at least say something to him about watering it down some. So...whatever...lol. We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. (hopefully, we don't)

[misombra]

pharm, i have been exactly where you are now. he only wanted to be fwb with me and i wanted more. it didn't work. i had to accept the fact that keeping up the fight would ultimately end up in my humiliation and dimished self-esteem. i realized that i am worth more than somebody's friend with benefits that always gets put on the backburner for some skinny broad. (my guy was into skinny/modelesque girls too.) i also had to realize that somebody who was really my friend wouldn't keep me around as their toy knowing that my feelings were deeper.

he eventually went off to the military and it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.

[PharmAngel02]

pharm, i have been exactly where you are now. he only wanted to be fwb with me and i wanted more. it didn't work. i had to accept the fact that keeping up the fight would ultimately end up in my humiliation and dimished self-esteem. i realized that i am worth more than somebody's friend with benefits that always gets put on the backburner for some skinny broad. (my guy was into skinny/modelesque girls too.) i also had to realize that somebody who was really my friend wouldn't keep me around as their toy knowing that my feelings were deeper.

he eventually went off to the military and it was probably the best thing that ever happened to me.

Well thats not really my situation. In my situation, he regarded me as too GOOD to be his friend with benefits back in the day, and thats why nothing materialized, if that makes any sense. We've never had any kind of physical relationship. Our relationship is just a deep friendship with something always in the way of it becoming something more. I explained this earlier in the thread, but now it's the distance thing. (he's in Texas, I'm in Ohio) It just kills me that I have such a deep connection with someone that most couples would kill to have, and for one reason or another it can't ever seem to work out to go beyond the friendship. Neither of us are really in a place in our lives where we really want a relationship either just because of our past failed relationships. But if I thought things could happen between us, I would be able to change my mentality about not wanting a relationship right now in a heartbeat....if that makes sense. LOL, sometimes I don't even make sense to myself. I guess you can say I am not looking for love, but I see it every time I talk to him. Not that I am in love with him, but how I always envisioned healthy couples to interact...we have the friendship down pat that I want when I do settle down with someone.

[PharmAngel02]

And, I have to add, although back in the day I wish we could have worked something out, I reflect back and am so glad nothing did work out, because we were at even less of a good point in our lives to make something work then than we are now. That, and when things would have inevitably fallen apart, it probably would have stripped away any chance of us carrying on the friendship that we do today. Over the years, we have changed, and we didn't even actively communicate a lot of the time, yet our friendship hasn't one bit. And that's not something you find every day.

[Only-virgins]

What is "confuzzled"? Is that a snoop dog term again?

[PharmAngel02]

Haha, I think I've used that word longer than he's been famous. I just think it's a fun word is all.

[PureCrazyness05]

WOW - I am in an almost parallel situation to you! I stumbled across this after hours of looking for answers to my own problems, but I may have some helpful information for you. Please be patient with my description, as I usually am writing technical instructions for fellow geeks….

I recently told a friend how I had felt towards her during years past, and how I still currently feel. I am not sure if she was as receptive as you were to your friend because she still hasn't really gotten back to me, but that is beside the point. We were also separated by a great distance due to my enlistment, and both of us are focusing on careers at the moment. We even had the total gaps in communication for months and were only close friends when I was close to her before.
I could see marrying this girl the minute she is ready! I knew since I saw her that she was the one. I let her go early on because she was leaving for college and I thought there was no way she would stay with me. Turns out she just keeps popping into my life! Strange how things like that happen. Perhaps your situation is similar. Maybe both of you are over analyzing every move and trying not to muddle things up. (Many times the case with me)
The only issue I have right now is the lack of communication. I don't know how often you talk to your friend, but the more the better! After I told her what I was thinking she hasn't contacted me since (bad sign) in fact hasn't even been online.
As far as the long distance thing goes, if both of you can make it work, give it a shot - the only disadvantage of this will be great loneliness, but when you do meet back up it will be explosive each time. If you can trust someone to that extent, use it to your advantage and display the same amount of trust - that’s all that usually kills long distance relationships. I know I could trust her word but not too sure if she is trusting of me. Perhaps I should try something – but that is for my research later anyhow.
Well that’s all the input I have on the situation, hopefully that sparks some sort of idea in your head as what to do. – If you have any questions shoot me an PM and I’ll try to answer them the best I can. Thanks for the interesting article that really got me thinking! I applaud the creator of this site – I never would have thought there was a relationship forum out here! There is hope!