We broke up 7 years ago, how do I forget?

[whaywardj]

don't know why you would say that...

Why say get clear on what a love relationship means? Let me see...

"I am in a relationship now, which for this and other unrelated reasons I believe I should end soon...Hello it has been 7 years. I have met lots of guys..."

Just sounds as if you're very quick to throw in the towel on one realtionship and start another.

[gingersnaps]

Are you guys saying I should fire off a third email? an extended apology one? My concern is that I'll never know 100% if he got it or not. And I might seem kinda stalkery. Sending all these unreplied-to emails.

whaywardj, yup have *met* a lot of guys, haven't gotten into very many relationships (I am now pretty good at noticing signs early on that I know would be a poor fit with me so that has saved me a lot of bad relationships I'm sure, I tend to only have "ok" or "great" ones). This current one is 3 yrs, (although tried breaking up with him several times in that time but he has always managed to convince me to come back, he always tries, and my fear gets the best of me.) I think you got a wrong impression, as in my opinion I actually think I am not quick enough to throw in the towel because I stay emotionally attached when I shouldn't. (Like when they've moved on and/or I know that I should)

[Hollow]

I'm not suggesting you engage in stalking-type behaviour. When I sent a letter to my ex-girlfriend I made it clear that if she did not reply I would not write again, and that's exactly what happened.

I don't know what you wrote exactly before, but if it was most of what you wanted to say then just leave it. I'm sure he would have got it. Your desire to have him reply is probably causing you to hope he didn't get it so you can write again. Don't fool yourself.

If you didn't say what you wanted exactly before then do a final letter. Say you will not write again if you don't get a reply and mean it. You might do what I did and get drunk and write a nostalgic pathetic piece of drivel like I did, and post it, and then regret doing it.

But, at least I have no desire to try and contact her again even if it was only the embarrassment of what I wrote that was the cause of that.

I can't tell you what to do, but I do know one way or another things will get better. Usually after making a fool of yourself about it in my experience.

Tell us what happens

[Gigabitch]

There is a difference between forgiveness and closure. Forgiveness may be too much to ask, ever, and you may never get it.

Ask yourself if you apologizing is more important than him being apologized to. I know you feel bad about the pain you caused, but you need to take care of yourself.

I'm not sure if this guy was as wonderful as you remember. Here you are trying to make amends all these years later, and he won't speak to you? What kind of a person does that?

[Hollow]

I'm not sure if this guy was as wonderful as you remember. Here you are trying to make amends all these years later, and he won't speak to you? What kind of a person does that?

Amen Gigabitch. When you're busting a gut to be a decent human being and you get ignored like that, you must ask yourself if it's worth going on.

[whaywardj]

I think you got a wrong impression, as in my opinion I actually think I am not quick enough to throw in the towel because I stay emotionally attached when I shouldn't. (Like when they've moved on and/or I know that I should)

Then I stand corrected. Send another email anytime you think of him. Just to let him know you are. Don't say anything that he could interpret as you trying to elicit a response and don't expect any. Just say what's on your mind let it go. Whatever he or anyone else may think of you for doing that isn't important. What's important is you knowing you've done what's felt right for you.

[shh!]

Is it just me, or would anyone else be annoyed at an ex doing what is right for them without considering what is right for me? Hmmm...

I mean, should her need to express herself outweigh his need to be left alone?

[Hollow]

Is it just me, or would anyone else be annoyed at an ex doing what is right for them without considering what is right for me? Hmmm...

I mean, should her need to express herself outweigh his need to be left alone?

I totally see your point. But until he has the human decency to tell her in no uncertain terms he wants to be left alone then he must be a remarkebly rude individual in my book. If someone is in my view annoying the crap out of me I at least tell them so, so as to leave them in no doubt their actions are affecting me adversely. It's just basic civil politeness IMO. It's not like she's written a hundred letters in a month which of course you would ignore for brevity.

Ignoring someone is not nice and he should have the balls to say something even if it simply "don't write again please, I don't want to talk to you ever again".

She obviously needs to get this sorted and the passage of time is simply not helping. If he doesn't want any contact he should be man enough to relate that to her and then he wiil never be bothered again.

Ignoring her is bringing the problem back for him time and again and again.

All he has to do is to say it once, "Go away" and then I'm afraid she will have to respect his wishes.

[alice]

Is it just me, or would anyone else be annoyed at an ex doing what is right for them without considering what is right for me? Hmmm...

I mean, should her need to express herself outweigh his need to be left alone?

i'm with you.

[TAVS]

Is it just me, or would anyone else be annoyed at an ex doing what is right for them without considering what is right for me? Hmmm...

I mean, should her need to express herself outweigh his need to be left alone?

Depends on who dumped who. The dumpee should be allowed closure, if required, from the dumper. The Dumpee owes nothing to the dumper.

[alice]

true, TAVS, but it's been her who dumped him, so shh IS right.

[TAVS]

I was too lazy to read; thanks Alice.

[shh!]

I totally see your point. But until he has the human decency to tell her in no uncertain terms he wants to be left alone then he must be a remarkebly rude individual in my book.

If he is not responding to her attempts at contact, I think he IS telling her that he doesn't wish to speak to her.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't care to hear from my @sshole of an ex-boyfriend after all these years just so he could relieve his conscience at my expense.

[clynn]

I also wonder if gingersnaps mind isn't playing with her.

I mean, the circumstances of the relationship and how / why you broke up tends to change over the years. Even if you TRY being clear and honest with yourself (and him) about what happened....it is rare that time hasn't distorted your memories....

Perhaps you need to just take the non-response from him as a response. To me, I would take that as..."got your message, not interested." Well, there is yoru response. You may not like it, but there it is.

So you need to now begin to reconcile yourself with that.

Maybe also consider the WHY you broke up. You say that you broke up with him because you felt like he was too good for you.

Maybe that wasn't the exact right reason, but perhaps you're being too hard on yourself. Maybe, it wasn't because he was too good for you...........but maybe you were indeed understanding things about the relationship on a subconscious level that you didn't understand consciously that were telling you the relationship WAS not Not Right for both of you - you ultimately were not a good match.

If, when you were with him...you felt "not good enough" then maybe he wasn't able to give you what you need. Doesn't mean anything bad about him or anything bad about you...but just that you didn't belong together.

[Hollow]

If he is not responding to her attempts at contact, I think he IS telling her that he doesn't wish to speak to her.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't care to hear from my @sshole of an ex-boyfriend after all these years just so he could relieve his conscience at my expense.

Oh well, that'll be why I didn't get a reply I suppose.