Is it weird for girls to make the first move?

[shygal]

Ellynn, yes the guy is standing on a pedestal! And the funny (or sad) thing is that he might not even be as great or scary. Still the only reason as to why a girl is terrified about approaching a guy is lack of self esteem. I admire you for having actually done something about the guys you liked. In my case, I'm a dreamer.

What I don't understand is, wouldn't a guy figure out you like him when suddenly you start ignoring him or behaving strange around him? Instead this guy is ignoring me back. Which shows that he wasn't really interested. Maybe he was interested because he thought I was.

I found your words truly inspiring and very logical, but if I can't force myself to change, to open up..... What I'm going to do is: I'll approach him if I get the chance, meaning, if he is near me or looks at me. But if he doesn't, I'm not going to. Basically leaving it up to destiny (though I know that one can make his/her own destiny too!!). I can't walk up to him in front of everyone and say 'can we talk' and I definitely can't do that out of class when he's with other girls. I'll only talk if he gives me some sort of 'signal'. If not, I lost but I think in a sense...he also lost (if he was ever interested...).

Dreamer101,
thank you, but if one is extremely shy, it's so hard to carpe diem! And I'm not only extremely shy, I'm also the anxious, nervous type.
I'll do it only if I get the chance to.....hope so.

[jaslovesant]

Flash your smile, hold your head high and he'll be chasing!

[Ellynn]

Well, if your honestly that uncomfortable with opening up....then I guess there isn't much you can do....but leave it up to whatever happens......happens...

The good news is there will be other guys and other opportunities....and hopefully you will feel more comfortable to open up......(which eventually I also found).

So, I guess you have to do whatever works best for you.... Hopefully though, you will get a chance to get that closure before the time is up... Good Luck and keep us updated.

[dreamer101]

No No No! Take the leap. Now.

Yes, there will be other guys and opportunities, but so is this. just see him as a guy and a opportunity. i mean look at it this way, if he doesn't feel the same way, then you won't have to ever see him again after 3 weeks, 2 weeks now! what better opportunity than that. grab it with two hand, "flah a smile, hold your head high" and if he is not the one chasing, then some other guy will be! :-) being a guy, i would admire girls that take the initiative.

but if one is extremely shy, it's so hard to carpe diem! And I'm not only extremely shy, I'm also the anxious, nervous type.
I'll do it only if I get the chance to.....hope so.

I understand that. I used to be extremely shy too, and still more or less am. and i am a guy. so don't be like me! anxiety and neverousness ... you can only get rid of them thru trials. its like riding a bike, or speaking in public. first time you do it you'll shake in your pants, but then .. then your confidence grows. you see cuz in order to make your confidence strong, you gotta shake the foundations first, then and only then can you pour more concrete in it.

and what have you got to loose? nothing? abosoloutely nothing. so go for gold. what is the reason behind your nervousness and anxiety? fear? fear of what? fear of rejection or humiliation if you proclaim your feelings? wouldn't you rather learn how to deal with those things now rather than later?

and no, don't leave it upto chance, and hope. make your chance, act, and then hope.

so carpe diem! and you will no longer be the shy, neverous and anxious type, cuz you will size the day.

the universe commands you to act.

P.S.

What I don't understand is, wouldn't a guy figure out you like him when suddenly you start ignoring him or behaving strange around him?

No. Not by a long shot. Well .. I don't.

[shygal]

Jaslovesant,

it's easy to say....but how to do??

Ellynn and dreamer 101,

I'm the type of person who always leaves things for tomorrow and now that I realize how there might not be a tomorrow anymore (with him) I'm starting to panick! I really think I should leave it to destiny, because if he was equally interested he would ask me out. I mean it's pretty obvious that I am extremely shy (by the way, I also drop things and do other really embarassing and obvioius things too) so why would he put in me in such a difficult position?

Not only am I nervous, scared, I'm worried that he'll think I'm weird (or maybe he thinks it now)! Don't ask why but this is a constant thought in my head. I know, gotta keep working on that self-esteem...

You know another thing that's bugging me? That here I am, tossing and turning over a guy I do not know while he's gotten over me and is about to start a new life. Why do we do these things to ourselves??

So can't promise anything but I'll either a) do what I feel like- I mean the moment has to be appropriate and if it's not, that's it. or b) push myself and jump into the fire. It depends on me, on the environment, on him....

thanks again for the support (both ofyour advice are really awesome!), will update next week....

[Gigabitch]

I'm going to go out on a limb here and postulate that the percentage of girls that get rejected by guys is INFINITELY smaller than the percentage of guys that get rejected by girls.



Just a thought.

I agree, but I'm not sure I'm clear on the original question. Shygirl, is it about fear of rejection or fear of censure? Or are you just in the mood to do something rash? It's really not that hard to get a guy to come over and talk to you. Jeez Louise, just look at him (yes, I know you're shy) and think about kissing him for, like four seconds.

I don't think guys like it that much when girls make the first move. It freaks them out. If you want something more that a fling, I would reconsider the Sudden Kiss plan.

[meguin]

You can't look him in the eyes or talk to him, but you think you'll get the courage to just walk up to him and kiss him? I dunno... sounds a bit more like fantasy than reality.
I would say the easiest course of action would be to write him a note or something (although he might think you are really immature for doing so).
The best would be to ask him out!!
What have you got to lose? You have a 50% chance that he will say yes!

[shygal]

Well, I realize that my 'sudden kiss' plan was unrealistic....I came up with it because I was desperate and was really excited at the thought of it (lame as it sounds). Saw him, but it's not the same anymore. You know the feeling of moving on in life and separating on different roads? That's how I feel, only that I don't feel happy about it....

Gigabitch,
I'm not even sure myself what it is, that's why I'm making this 'problem' bigger than it seems. Like I said, Im so shy that I can't even raise my eyes to his and am scared about what he thinks of me, worried of rejection....just plain worried actually. About something that isn't even official. I know it's a question of finding happiness within yourself, that one has to be happy on his own first, before finding anyone else but I have to write this again.....I'm so upset at the thought of not seeing him again, of 'what could have been', of why he didn't try asking me out, and what if I don't find anyone equally cute...someone like him.
I'm aware of the fact that the 'sudden kiss' plan would have led to merely a fling because clearly it's not normal for a girl to go up to a guy and kiss him when they've never spoken or hung out together. So now it's not rejection I fear, but I'm realizing that it is weird to go kiss a guy you can't even make eye contact with.

Meguin,
yes, I have a lot of fantasy...it was fun fantasizing but it's also starting to make me somewhat depressed now. I've ignored him for ages, so I can't ask him out. I wish he would, but I think I've been too optimistic and disappointed so should give up? I also realize that: if he did like me enough, he would have tried a bit more, right?I wanted something, but I don't know what it was and now that I don't have it, I'm bummed out. is this normal??

thanks you all

[Gigabitch]

I also realize that: if he did like me enough, he would have tried a bit more, right?

This forum is full of guys trying to get their nerve up. They get scared and insecure too. They have to deal with the very real prospect of getting rejected every time they approach someone, and the way our culture works, they are the ones who are "supposed" to do the approaching.

For all you know, Tall Guy is thinking, "She finds me so freakishly tall and revolting, she can't even bring herself to look at me."

[thisheartofmine]

Why do you have to kiss him? I say just go up to him, say hi, and start a short convo. Ask him if he ever wants to hang out before school ends, or get his number, instant messenger, myspace, etc.

I find myself in your position quite a lot where I am talking about all the problems I face when I like a girl I bearly even know or have ever talked to.

[shygal]

I didn't make it. And won't ever see him again. I'm not in tears or anything but I'm really bummed out. Vashti, I'm going to write many I's now (but it's because I'm feeling down and can't help it). You are so right, I am a selfish person because if I wasn't, I'd have responded him in the past. I know it's pathetic that I'm so upset especially because it's not like we ever went out, but it's so disapppointing that he didnt try harder (when I wasn't responding)and that I didn't try harder. Why didn't he ask me out directly? I'm hoping he doesn't like me enough....because what I'm upset about now is that...suppose he did like me, and I like him, then why didn't we do anything about it?? It's obvious that he's so shy and insecure (sounds familiar) but could he not have tried to say bye?? I can't stop feeling I lost something that was actually important....that I actually liked.

[Ellynn]

Awww.....I'm sorry to hear about this... But if anything I hope you learn from it.. I know I did....when I let things go while wondering "what if"? Its one of the worst things just wondering.......

But give it some time.....and it will become a distant memory.. (yes it will because you won't see him anymore and you will slowly move on...) There will be other guys....and hopefully they will be easier to talk to.... It just wasn't meant to be for now... If you ever cross paths with him again......maybe it will be easier once u have moved on... But you did what worked best for you at the moment.... and even though it hurts......it will be ok..

[dreamer101]

I am sorry to hear about this too. Like elynn said - chin up. You didn't really lose anything if you think about it. Only an opportunity, and there will be plenty more of it. And next time I am certain you will try a different approach, because experiences teach. And who knows, you might bump into him again, but dont waste time and engery dwelling on it. Que Sera Sera.

[King Zarathu]

chin up.

I like your avatar.

[vashti]

I didn't make it. And won't ever see him again. I'm not in tears or anything but I'm really bummed out. Vashti, I'm going to write many I's now (but it's because I'm feeling down and can't help it). You are so right, I am a selfish person because if I wasn't, I'd have responded him in the past. I know it's pathetic that I'm so upset especially because it's not like we ever went out, but it's so disapppointing that he didnt try harder (when I wasn't responding)and that I didn't try harder. Why didn't he ask me out directly? I'm hoping he doesn't like me enough....because what I'm upset about now is that...suppose he did like me, and I like him, then why didn't we do anything about it?? It's obvious that he's so shy and insecure (sounds familiar) but could he not have tried to say bye?? I can't stop feeling I lost something that was actually important....that I actually liked.

Aww, I really am sorry things didn't go the way you hoped. I guess if something good is to come of this situation, it is that you will know better than to let opportunity pass you by the next time around. You seem like a nice girl, and this won't be your last chance.