Nervous Crush or Subtle Message

[Holdme]

Update: So I went and I gave her the stuff I got, she said it was sweet and would think about it...
Wasn't the ideal circumstances for meeting and talking. She wanted me to speak to her just as the thing she went to see started. And she was having a reunion with some of her old friends so I said i'd speak to her propperly tomorrow. I offered to wait until after the show to speak to her but she said it was dark and the shows 90mins long. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow...

[Holdme]

Yea we are just friends because she thinks it would be wierd to go out with me after being such good friends. I have no idea if she ever had feelings for me or not.

I'm confused. Am I suposed to be upset or something? Cos i'm not =/.

[Ellynn]

You shouldn't be upset. If anything, be proud of yourself for actually doing something. That takes guts. At least now you know. And its ok to be disappointed..just glad your not upset.

BTW, did she actually tell you all of this?

[Holdme]

Yea she said it would be wierd if we went out with each other because we are already good friends. She said she felt bad because i'd got her that stuff.. I told her to keep it because I woulda hated her if she gave it back, because that is quite mean. She offered to pay for it -.-. I was like noooooooo its ok. She basicly spoke my mind and told me that she doesn't want us being friends to be akward. I made her sit and chat to me for awhile about stuff, I really like talking to her but I never get a chance to. Guess the main reason I wanted to go out with her was so I could talk to her more, and do things outside of school with her. Thats the problem with society today, you can't just call someone and ask them to come over for a chat, there always has to be a reason.

We're aranging to go shopping in easter with her best m8. Hopefully I will have no feelings for her by then.

..wait i am very confused... I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't want to continue crushing on her... but the best way to get over someone is to stop seeing them.. but that would hurt her feelings.. what the fark? What am I suposed to do? I hate not being in full control of my emotions... love sucks when you don't want to feel it! (and it makes my head hurt)

[Ellynn]

..wait i am very confused... I don't want to hurt her feelings but I don't want to continue crushing on her... but the best way to get over someone is to stop seeing them.. but that would hurt her feelings.. what the fark? What am I suposed to do? I hate not being in full control of my emotions... love sucks when you don't want to feel it! (and it makes my head hurt)

Yeah, this is the tough part. I know how you feel. Having feelings for someone can really mess with your mind....especially if they don't feel the same for you. Yes, the best way to get over it is to avoid them, then eventualy you forget about the feelings...or they fade and you move on to someone else. But considering the two of you are friends....or if your in a situation where you have no choice BUT to see that person often, then it does truly suck! I don't know what to tell you. I guess only time will tell. Maybe hang out w/ her, but keep a look out for other options. (Thats kinda what Im doing with a guy...but I have no choice but to see him.) I just do what I need to and then leave class. Then I try to focus on the other areas of my life. Hopefully someone else will come along to take my mind and feelings off of the guy with no interest.

[Holdme]

Ok, i've found spending more time with my family helps. I have to keep myself busy because I just start thinking about it when i'm on my own. People are noticing something is up, i've started the whole replying to people with one word and its starting to get on my parents nerves.

I've just got back from my cousins and on the way home we drove past her work, and i saw her, and she looked hilarious her hair was such a mess! I laughed to myself. She still looked nice though. But I didn't get the butterflies that bad when I saw her. Probably because i had a good time doing something without her today.

From today i've banned myself from looking at her myspace page and i'm only allowed to talk to her if she talks to me. GUESS WHO I GET TO SIT NEXT TO FIRST PERIOD ON MONDAY? yea.. and we have double media studies, and its a practicle lesson, and i'm in her group so I have to talk to her.. alot. And if she goes to the sixth form social at easter, if i'm not over her by then i ain't going even though i've been looking forward to it since forever. Boys and girls should not drink tequila together... I can handle my drink quite well but I could ruin my life at school if I we where to get a bit tipsy and me to start unloading all my feelings on her and maybe even kissing her without permission.

I feel ok now but I just know tomorrow i'm gunna wake up after havng some crazy dream about her AGAIN (no not a wet dream). I'll lose all self motivation again and just lie in bed thinking about it like I did this morning.

Do you know what would really piss me off... if I spent up and till easter getting over her and then she turns round and says she likes me. SHE IS BEING TO NICE TO ME ABOUT THIS! "lets go shopping"... I asked her yonks again to go shopping with me, why all have a sudden have you bought it up after 4 months. Do I need sympathy? Or was the whole thing just an excuse to become better friends. I'd love to go shopping with her but i'm afraid I ain't going feeling like this. I guess I gotta stop caring about the way she feels to make me feel better. Selfish, but it is the only way i can see thats gunna get her off my mind.

I have a strange feeling that shes gunna change her mind if I do that, not because she likes me but because she doesn't want me to hate her. I don't hate her! I just need space! I hate my feelings! ... Now i'm gunna go watch a movie with my family and forget about this whole thing, only for it to come back and haunt me monday.

:edit: Ok so I just did exactly what I said I wouldn't do.. go on myspace. I nosed around a few comments and apparently shes "just made te biggest mistake of her life". I know that could be anything. I'm gunna giver her a week to come forward and then i'm just gunna let her go. I'm sick of playing mind games. And i forgot to mention the bullitin she posted after I asked her out. It was titled "Damn" and read " aw, you get me every time <3". I hope she relises that shes causing me more trouble than shes worth and making me feel sick. 1 week, thats it, if she has something to say, she should say it. If she says something, anything later than that I'm just gunna tell her shes too late.