in love with another guy but still in a relationship

[Ellynn]

Thats a tricky one. Also, Thats odd that your professor even has facebook, or at least that he makes it public. None of mine do, at least to my knowledge....and trust me, I looked for that one in particular. But no luck. Plus, that would open up a whole other level that goes beyond the student/ teacher relationship. Do you really think thats wise at this point? Especially with you being his student for the next yr? I still say keep it professional. Then, when you are done being his student and still have these strong feelings, then you should start to worry.......and/or take things from there.

I just know that if I was in a great relationship with a great guy, I wouldn't think too far into this whole thing with my teacher. I think it's the fact that I have no time for relationships due to school...and school is where I spend most of my time.....this is why I ended up finding someone desireable there. Also, the fact that I'm single...and my parents are dead...and basically all of my friends are married or in relationships, it gets lonely...

But, back to you.... I think you need to focus on your bf. I think it is possible to love two people at once....but in different ways...and for different reasons. Your bf is reality.....and your teacher fantasy. Nothing is wrong with fantasy....but you have to draw the line somewhere. This crush for you is probably very exciting...gives you something to look forward to. (Ahh, i miss that boost, at least this semester... ) But, still.....be careful ok? You could end up throwing away a good thing for nothing.

[miSSleepy]

Let's see...

good-looking
succesful
skilled
charming
authority/father figure

something most girls are attracted to (take or leave the father figure aspect).
You feel like he favours you, probably because your subconciously willing it. You see stuff that isn't there or substitue bits and pieces to make a whole that will satisfy you. I've been there and now realise how stupid and blind I was -

and I also see that the only reason ANY extra attention was paid to me was because I drew it to myself by giving HIM attention that was more than other students were giving.
... a very sticky and now embarassing situation.

You are not in love with this man, you're in love with the percetion you have of him. You've only seen him at his best, and the rest you assume.

[sine24]

hey lovepolis, my advice to you is to ask yourself..do you respect your boyfriend of SIX YEARS enough to be honest with him? You say you love him, but it sounds to me like you're just keeping him around and thinking about other people while in the relationship. Just because this person is talented, charming and likes your work, does not mean you should act on these so called "attractions"..he'syour professor for god's sake! Your boyfriend deserves better than someone who's just not emotionally there..be true to yourself and to him.

[vashti]

I think it is rather odd that this guy has a facebook, and even more so that he makes it public. To be honest, I question his maturity.

[Ellynn]

I think it is rather odd that this guy has a facebook, and even more so that he makes it public. To be honest, I question his maturity.

Thats what I was thinking before, especially since students mainly have that.

How old is your professor anyways?

[lovepolis]

hes in his early 30s. Therefore our maximum age gap is no more than 10.

[Illusional]

another thing, when you're in college your hormones are high and everyone is looking to get laid by someone older than they are. i think my eyes popped out of my head the first time i went to college...chicks everywhere.

raverboy

[IndiReloaded]

I think it is rather odd that this guy has a facebook, and even more so that he makes it public. To be honest, I question his maturity.

+1 I agree w/Vash.

Noone I know (myself included) uses this Facebook. A professor is too public a position.

[miSSleepy]

hes in his early 30s. Therefore our maximum age gap is no more than 10.

you're still looking for justification.
Forget him.
One of my friends got together with a law lecturer with several other degrees and jobs. She got pregnant to him, he left.

[ftheunion]

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is a choice to be truly other center-ed, and care more about your bf than yourself.

Evolution puts us here, and gives us feelings as part of the unique human mating strategy. It is a see a need fill a need thing, thats why attraction happens bewteen aquainted people at school, cause that is where a lot of time is spent. I think that is why it happens at work or just infidelity in general.
If more time is spent around another attractive male, then..........

You like him because females in general like older males with resources. Evolutionary thing that means survival for cavewomen........lol.

It is ok, but feelings are still intense.

You need to think this out. Try taking a philosophy course. I don't think this thing happens between students and tutors/professors in the philosophy department. The point is that someone mentioned that it wouldn't happen outside the graduate school setting. Maybe consider that.

Also, they said he might not like you, but if he should in a similar way, he would hold off cause of his age and just ethics. He didn't try to sweep you off your feet probably.

Maybe try this, tell him kinda what you told us. If there is time after, ask him if you can confide in him something kinda personal and ask for his advice. He should say yes, then tell him you kinda have a crush on him and saw his single status on facebook.

Tell him that you have a boyfriend, and are happy where you are at, but are torn by having feelings for two people. Tell him sorry, and you still don't mind being his student, but you are not sure and you haven't told anyone. Ask him what should you do to keep y'alls relationship strictly professional.

I don't think this would humiliate you. But would be intense. I think he would back off the friendly stuff. He might tell you he is dating someone else. I think after you do that, your crush will be resolved as much as can be. He might insist a transfer, but most likely will be ok about it. It might have happened to him before. He might use the classic teacher-student ethics as an excuse.

[mustang07]

If a meteor was headed to earth and you had an hour to spend with only one person, who would you go to? A crush? Or someone who shares an equally powerful love with you?

[miSSleepy]

Love is a choice, not a feeling. It is a choice to be truly other center-ed, and care more about your bf than yourself.

A`choice? If that were true this forum wouldn't exist nor would countless unrequited love novels, movies, plays etc. I know you can will yourself (you may or may not succeed) but I doubt love is a choice.

Maybe try this, tell him kinda what you told us. If there is time after, ask him if you can confide in him something kinda personal and ask for his advice. He should say yes, then tell him you kinda have a crush on him and saw his single status on facebook.

NO!!
nononono.
This girl has to work with this tutor for the next semester

Ask him what should you do to keep y'alls relationship strictly professional.

Try not using him as a confessional booth is a good start.


lovepolis, this is probably the worst thing you could do to your professional relationship, because once the cat is out of the bag and you've gotten too intimate with him by telling him this, there's no going back. Things will be awkward, he probably WILL transfer to save his own butt, and will cause too much drama in your degree,

[vashti]

Don't tell him anything. That would be a HORRIBLE mistake.

[Ellynn]

I wouldn't tell him a thing. As a student, and him the teacher, that would put you in an awful position. If you really feel you want to bear your soul to him, do it after your classes with him have ended. Then if he rejects you, you don't have to see him again.

As for his age, the gap isn't too big. I mean, I had about the same age gap in my situation.

I just think that since you have a bf, you should work on things with him first before jumping into something else.

[ftheunion]

Well........nevermind that post then. naive. I like the Idea mentioned to wait until the end of the semester, would work for favorable. Plus gives you more time to decide. won't deny we have feelings that are intense, but then again don't believe in Love anymore.........