What do women...

[squirrley]

Dont know if this helps due to me being older. But male friends outside of my marriage, we discuss my husband. We talk about sex. Gawd I talk to my closest friends about sex. Talk about the newest car we want.

I think the older you get, your habits and desires and circle of friends change too. Your interests change. Depending on the age bracket youre in I think is important. She may not be interested in politics, the cost of gas, things like that. It may be more of who has a new movie out or new song, etc. Oh J-Lo having twins!

Just kinda look around you and your network of friends, and go from there!

[Henry123]

Okay thanks everyone.
I'm just trying to improve my conversational skills with women. I dont think if I were to bring up topics that women like to talk about would be appropriate. Its sorta weird I would think.

[IndiReloaded]

The only thing I'd want from a guy is enough brain to have a decent conversation about something other than work or football. Doesn't have to be a rocket scientist, either. All this really takes is a sense of themselves & how they fit, or would like to fit, in this world. Sounds like nothing, eh? Actually, its everything.

Anyway, once that's established, the rest of the Keeper traits are easily figured. Or not.

Henry, I would really suggest you just be yourself. Learn to open up in a way that makes others comfortable. You seem nice & bright, so you must have interests. Are you shy about expressing them, perhaps? I'm a bookworm, so I often go there for answers, but there's a good, short book called 'How to Start a Conversation & Make Friends' that has some really good, practical advice on this subject. It specifically discusses how to interact w/groups of ppl that you may not know well (or at all). Its an older book, so it should be available from your library.

[Henry123]

The only thing I'd want from a guy is enough brain to have a decent conversation about something other than work or football. Doesn't have to be a rocket scientist, either. All this really takes is a sense of themselves & how they fit, or would like to fit, in this world. Sounds like nothing, eh? Actually, its everything.

I was never really into the sports/football thing, just mainly doing my martial art thing. I cant see myself talking about work. It seems so boring to be honest.
What do you mean by "sense of themselves or how they fit in the world"??? (I lived a sheltered life so I really dont know. I'm just trying to make sense of the world still. I admit feeling often lost.) I have alot of goals and things I want in life. Right now I'm still on my road of self improvement. I'm not sure what it means to be myself????

(oops! I'm getting kicked off the computer but I will get back tomorrow Indi. Talk to you soon.)

[Henry123]

The only thing I'd want from a guy is enough brain to have a decent conversation about something other than work or football.

It sound you had some bad experiences. This is what feelings on this:

1) I get the sense the "football guy" was probably abit of a neanderthal. No brainer. Couldnt understand that he is sitting beside a human being.

2) The "workaholic guy" was probably so into himself. Couldnt keep his mouth shut for a few minutes to actually listen to what the other person had to say. He probably thought the world revolved around himself and his work and that somehow his work would some how impress everyone to death. Little does he knows that he should just keep his mouth shut for a change and show some courtesy and repsect to the other person besides him. And that life doesnt revolve around work.

In both cases these guys didnt get it. They were DISCONNECTED to the person besides him. Both were social idiots.

[miSSleepy]

sense of themselves and how they fit into the world...
perhaps ambition, will to accomplish something they like, KNOW what they like, be able to have an intelligent conversation about the things they like etc etc... that's what i make of it.

Henry, what martial arts do you train in?

[Henry123]

sense of themselves and how they fit into the world...
perhaps ambition, will to accomplish something they like, KNOW what they like, be able to have an intelligent conversation about the things they like etc etc... that's what i make of it.

Henry, what martial arts do you train in?

Yeah I have ambition. I have goals in my life.
I've train in quite abit of martial arts over the years. Right now I'm focus on Muay Thai kick boxing & Brazilian jujitsu.

(I decided to cut my post shorter. Its rather inconsiderate of me to blab too much. I'm listening. Please continue)

[alidile]

Believe it or not if you start by introducing yourself as not the smoothest guy, that can generate some convo. just be brutally honest, it's a rarity. joke about not knowing what to say, ask about her.
Otherwise think about 20 questions and ask her some of them. their basic and she'll ask you back.

[Henry123]

Believe it or not if you start by introducing yourself as not the smoothest guy, that can generate some convo. just be brutally honest, it's a rarity. joke about not knowing what to say, ask about her.
Otherwise think about 20 questions and ask her some of them. their basic and she'll ask you back.

Thanks Alidile. I wasnt sure telling a girl that I'm not the smothest guy would be a good thing or not. I feel alot better now.

Yeah maybe I should write a 20 question list.

[Stirfry]

They love to talk about themselves.

Talk about what you saw on the news. Compliment them on something they're wearing. Ask if they've read any good books or seen any movies recently.

[IndiReloaded]

sense of themselves and how they fit into the world...
perhaps ambition, will to accomplish something they like, KNOW what they like, be able to have an intelligent conversation about the things they like etc etc... that's what i make of it.

That's partly what I meant. The 'sense of self' part anyway. The sceond part "how they fit in the world" is more how they are using their knowledge of self to address issues that are larger than themselves. This can emcompass a huge range of issues, obviously, but I like to know ppl can think about things that are bigger than themselves in the day-to-day picture.

[Henry123]

They love to talk about themselves.

Talk about what you saw on the news. Compliment them on something they're wearing. Ask if they've read any good books or seen any movies recently.

See part of my problem is that I let women talk 90% of the time. Sometimes I really dont know what to say to make myself a better contversationist---you know you get that long silence---that feels like forever.
Dont give me wrong I love listening to women! I find women conversations to be very intersting and I'm not just saying that. I just dont want that dreaded silent. I want exciting and bubbling lively things to say!

[miSSleepy]

Sometimes if there's a long silence, it may not be purely your fault. If she leaves her sentenced closed, there might not be much you CAN say. She may not do it deliberately. You also may be talking to bad conversationalists, or people you have little in common with. Does it ALWAYS happen, with everyone?

During the conversation you have to really listen, and I don't just mean hear it and be able to give a recount if asked. You have to think about what she's telling you. Look for anything that she herself finds interesting and then ask her about it during that silence. Or if you have nothing to ask, talk about how that relates to you too.

[Henry123]

That's partly what I meant. The 'sense of self' part anyway. The sceond part "how they fit in the world" is more how they are using their knowledge of self to address issues that are larger than themselves. This can emcompass a huge range of issues, obviously, but I like to know ppl can think about things that are bigger than themselves in the day-to-day picture.

I do have concerns about things like the environment, social politics etc. (if thats what you mean???)
I always try to aim as high as possible and give it all I can. I just believe that theres is always room for self improvement and that we are on this earth to continue to improve ourselves and learn (thats my personal belief ). I like to look at things at the micro level but also at the macro level. And to look at things from different people's perspectives too. Do I get what you mean Indi?????

[Henry123]

..... Does it ALWAYS happen, with everyone?

Not with everyone but it seems to happen too often. I'm not really happy about that. I want to make improvement with it.

During the conversation you have to really listen, and I don't just mean hear it and be able to give a recount if asked. You have to think about what she's telling you. Look for anything that she herself finds interesting and then ask her about it during that silence. Or if you have nothing to ask, talk about how that relates to you too.

I'm pretty good at recounting what a woman says I'm pretty keen with it (a number of friend's have told me I'm like a cat who can hear a pin drop). I also try to ask questions regarding the comment she said as well. I try to also repeat back what she has said and sometimes give my input as well. I just feel it would be inconsiderate if she is talking about something and I'm not listening in what she has to say. I dont like it when people do it to myself so I dont do it to people who are speaking to me. I do take the tie to listen to them.

When it comes about talking about myself. I cant seem to do it too good. I get really tongue tied. My brain goes blank. At most what I say is very brief and short.