please help

[Hisdemise18]

I don't think that she will just resort to the out of state out of mind idea. Being only 21 I offered to help pay for my ex bf college and he shit all over me put me in debt and dragged me down with him so DO NOT DO THAT. Reverse psychology baby, stop freaking out, calling her every chance you get, stop being always available. Make her wonder why you are not still waiting for her call. To me it sounds like she is trying to keep you intrigued so if/when she returns you will be there with open arms, but also keeping her options open in case she meets someone new or a career opportunity is presented that she doesn't want to feel guilty for taking. Like an extension on that three month trip she is on? we're young we bounce back easy. So play it aloof for awhile and surround yourself with friends.

[omens]

Trust me, we all felt that way with our first loves. Nowadays, I THANK GOD I had the ability to date around.....it opened up my eyes, and taught me a lot about real love.

Let me explain things to you from a 19 year old female's perspective, since Ive been one in the past. She is young and has many opportunities and choices laid out before her. She has educational, travel, employment, and relationship possibilities. Which does she choose? It's hard to know at this stage in life, but a five month relationship is not usually a priority above the other three. She may love you very much, which is why she keeps on coming back to you, but she is letting go slowly in her mind to pursue the things she thinks are of greater importance. You freaking out and acting like she is the center of your world is going to get annoying to her. She will feel bad for hurting you, but at the same time, your raw desperation is going to reek of weakness and insecurity, and become a turn off.

Your best bet, for yourself, is to let her do whatever it is she feels she needs to do with her life - that's real love. Holding her back is selfish. Have some self confidence. Maybe your relationship can survive this, but it definitely won't if you don't man up, and also let her make the choices she needs to. Do you want her to end up missing out on something because of you, and become bitter with you over it?

So it's wrong that I'm scared for our relationship? So basically your guys' advice is this: Stop calling her as much/texting her, Try not to worry about what's gonna happen, and if she should say that she doesn't want to date me I shouldn't try to talk her out of breaking up with me?

Is there anything I could possibly say to her to help insure if we broke up we could go back out after the summer?

[Cain]

No, because you'll sound desperate and that is a major turnoff for women. If she breaks up with you... let it go. If you happen to get back together after the summer then so be it.

And yes, stop calling and texting her so much. Don't worry about it because you can't control it. And do NOT try to talk her into staying with you. Even if you succeeded in talking her into staying, she wouldn't be in the relationship because she wants to be. That's not the kind of thing you should want to be in.

[omens]

I always thought that the most important thing in a long distance relationship was communication, but you guys are saying that space is important... Is it so wrong it miss someone you love? I mean sure I'm scared about the whole possibility of loosing her but I didn't think that I should feel bad for missing her, I mean I've called her 7 times in the last 3 days, I'd think she'd want to hear from me... I left 3 voicemails and I feel that if she loves me that'd she'd love to hear from me, but now her phone is actually ringing but not being picked up, so she probably has a signal on her cell phone.. So is what I'm feeling/doing abnormal?

[Cain]

Dude, seriously, stop. You called her. You left a voicemail. The ball is in her court now. Stop seeming clingy.

[tooxshort]

I always thought that the most important thing in a long distance relationship was communication, but you guys are saying that space is important... Is it so wrong it miss someone you love? I mean sure I'm scared about the whole possibility of loosing her but I didn't think that I should feel bad for missing her, I mean I've called her 7 times in the last 3 days, I'd think she'd want to hear from me... I left 3 voicemails and I feel that if she loves me that'd she'd love to hear from me, but now her phone is actually ringing but not being picked up, so she probably has a signal on her cell phone.. So is what I'm feeling/doing abnormal?

It should be a give and take situation ... Is she calling you back and giving you return voice messages?

No, it's not abnormal to miss your girlfriend. But calling her and not getting a response is a pretty clear sign that she wants to explore her new surroundings. And if you do keep calling her, she may take it as a lack of trust.

Again, I'm going back to age. At 19, who wants to take up the responsibility of someone else's feelings/concerns all the time? She's far away and you're making yourself out to be someone who just can't have fun without her. You have to live your life too!

I'm not saying to completely forget about her, but you have to show that you can survive on your own two feet as well. Not many people want to be with someone whose life depends on them. Stop acting like you've lost her and gain some confidence. Wait on her to call you and don't ask stupid questions about whether or not there's a future or anything like that.

Be confident.

[omens]

k, well if I don't hear from her soon I was thinking of just calling her on a blocked number to see if she really is ignoring me or not... If she is then I guess that means she doesn't love me, and if she doesn't then I could rest easy knowing that she just doesn't have a signal.

[IndiReloaded]

Omens, even *I'm* getting weirded out by you & I'm not even your GF. You are obsessed by this gal & are on the verge of being stalkerish. Back off. Don't send her another msg. Wait until she contacts you.

[Mish]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost 5 months, I really love her. She started a new job which takes her to the middle of nowhere and it's been 9 days since I last saw her, she is coming to visit me tomorrow evening and she called me in tears saying how she doesn't know that she can make this work.

If she ever says that to you again the only way out of the situation is complete honesty. Tell her that if she feels that she can't make it work then she probably won't and it's best if you parted ways. This is probably the last thing you would want to say as a loving partner, but try putting yourself into her shoes when hearing something like that. Instead of being met with pleas to stay, she is suddenly confronted with reality, which is if she can't make something work, then she is free to leave. There's nothing holding her. She is suddenly free to make up her own damn made about what she wants. She can play the selfish person and leave or she can put in an effort and try. I've done this once before. You'll be amazed how quickly people change their mind if given a choice.

However, if she doesn't it's best to let her go.

[tooxshort]

k, well if I don't hear from her soon I was thinking of just calling her on a blocked number to see if she really is ignoring me or not... If she is then I guess that means she doesn't love me, and if she doesn't then I could rest easy knowing that she just doesn't have a signal.

way too obsessive

[omens]

Omens, even *I'm* getting weirded out by you & I'm not even your GF. You are obsessed by this gal & are on the verge of being stalkerish. Back off. Don't send her another msg. Wait until she contacts you.

Well I don't think you understand that her job is dangerous, she could be killed and I wouldn't have a way of finding out. All that is posted here I haven't told her because she would realize how much this relationship actually is hurting me, and could be mistakingly viewed as obessive.

How long should I wait?

[Cain]

What is her job?

[omens]

What is her job?

She works for the conservation corps, moving boulders, cutting down trees, rebuilding trails, working on national parks, basically away from human contact excluding her team, which is composed of like 5 guys.

[Cain]

You definitely made it seem a lot more risky than it is. I can almost assure you that there is no human contact except for the few on the team, they have radios tied into other team members at other locations.

[Gigabitch]

Maybe you need a job like that, omens. You've got way too much time on your hands.