What to do with this guy? advice pls..

[guitarchick88]

6-7 weeks, and yeh probably that would be considered quick too.

My friend saw them in a restau. Talking and laughing as though they were sharing something special. And even if my friend didn't catch them and he said it first, that would still hurt of course. But then I have pride you know. I can't really trust him anymore. I guess its really time to just move on and cut all connections I have with him, so it will be easier to just forget him.

[Cain]

The relationship is new so it shouldn't be difficult for you to cut your ties. This will be a learning experience for him. If he would have told you he was going to go out to eat with a friend BEFORE he did it, how would you have reacted?

[guitarchick88]

If it is a FRIEND then it is ok, sure. He probably needed company because I couldn't be there for him. But then maybe I could have just give him a lil short time to hang out with me, that wouldn't be a problem. But before this incident he even called me that he's tired from work and he wanted to take a rest too and we'll just see each other tomorrow. I've just thought and realized that maybe he had planned all of this too. Making me think he's there busy, alone and everything is just normal. So basically he just played me. I'm relaxed when I thought about this, and I don't think he can regain my trust. I can't be stupid. It is SO CLEAR what was happening really.

[Cain]

That's something you should have included in your original post.

Yes, if he called you and told you he was tired and would speak to you tomorrow, then him going to eat with a "friend" is rather suspicious.

It's good that it's a short relationship so you can cut all ties with no worries.

[lesa]

Seeing each other for weeks? Meaning that you two had decided to commit to each other? Or that you've been going on dates for weeks? If it's the second one, then you have no reason to really end things... people can go on dates with other people when there isn't a commitment.

I agree that many people have multiple dates at same time. That is okay...especially if the other person understands it's a dating relationship with no other commitment. However, I can end a relationship for any or no reasons. That may sound cruel but that is my discretion and my life. I should not feel obligated to stay in a relationship (especially of the one described here by the OP). They are not committed like that. Plus his reasons are lame and proves to me that he will not make a suitable committed partner.

[Cain]

I didn't say she had no reason and therefore wasn't allowed to end it. I said that she would have had no reason to. Very different meanings.

If they were only dating for a couple of weeks and had no commitment to each other, and he hadn't said to her that he was tired and going to sleep, then his reason would be valid. He was bored and she wasn't available. Given that those three things I said, this wouldn't have been some stupid excuse.

[starbuck]

If it is a FRIEND then it is ok, sure. He probably needed company because I couldn't be there for him. But then maybe I could have just give him a lil short time to hang out with me, that wouldn't be a problem. But before this incident he even called me that he's tired from work and he wanted to take a rest too and we'll just see each other tomorrow. I've just thought and realized that maybe he had planned all of this too. Making me think he's there busy, alone and everything is just normal. So basically he just played me. I'm relaxed when I thought about this, and I don't think he can regain my trust. I can't be stupid. It is SO CLEAR what was happening really.

If your spidey senses are tingling about this, then you should probably trust them. He shouldn't act like your boyfriend, and then go off with another girl. I think you're doing the right thing by keeping him at bay.

[lesa]

I didn't say she had no reason and therefore wasn't allowed to end it. I said that she would have had no reason to. Very different meanings.

If they were only dating for a couple of weeks and had no commitment to each other, and he hadn't said to her that he was tired and going to sleep, then his reason would be valid. He was bored and she wasn't available. Given that those three things I said, this wouldn't have been some stupid excuse.

Cain you have to understand feelings. If I say something hurts me...I don't care if you called me a strange pet name (that should have seemed cool to others)...I did not like it and will say so. The OP said that this hurt her. No matter how we feel about it, whether we think it was good or bad or neutral means nothing. I am responding for the OP. She did not like what he did and therefore he is probably not a good choice for her (compatible). Why waste her time with him when it will likely go nowhere...unless she just wants a temp. But even so, she is disappointed and her feelings are hurt....he would also make a horrible fling.

She is doing what is best for her...and I agree.

[Cain]

Cain you have to understand feelings. If I say something hurts me...I don't care if you called me a strange pet name (that should have seemed cool to others)...I did not like it and will say so. The OP said that this hurt her. No matter how we feel about it, whether we think it was good or bad or neutral means nothing. I am responding for the OP. She did not like what he did and therefore he is probably not a good choice for her (compatible). Why waste her time with him when it will likely go nowhere...unless she just wants a temp. But even so, she is disappointed and her feelings are hurt....he would also make a horrible fling.

She is doing what is best for her...and I agree.

After what we've learned, I agree too.

My point is that in the future, she can't expect a guy she is only dating to cut off all dates with other women. Dating is dating. You date around to find the right one. You don't have to only date one girl at a time. If this is going to bother her, she needs to work on that because otherwise she's going to jump straight from meeting the guy into thinking they are together after one date.

[lesa]

After what we've learned, I agree too.

My point is that in the future, she can't expect a guy she is only dating to cut off all dates with other women. Dating is dating. You date around to find the right one. You don't have to only date one girl at a time. If this is going to bother her, she needs to work on that because otherwise she's going to jump straight from meeting the guy into thinking they are together after one date.

I agree that she should not make assumptions and think that they are together. However, if her beliefs/values or whatever is that she only wants to date one person at a time and wishes her partner to do the same...she must communicate these wishes and go from there. She should not have to change her beliefs if she does not want. It's up to her what she wants in a partner and not us....but we can guide her or give options but obviously she does not....even after she elaborated, she did not.

She of course may want to change how she lives but that is up to her....she can expect the man she is dating to date only her...she has to understand the impact of her decision but she can definitely expect it...with communication.

*
After typing that, I understand what you mean. She may not be communicating well.

[starbuck]

After what we've learned, I agree too.

My point is that in the future, she can't expect a guy she is only dating to cut off all dates with other women. Dating is dating. You date around to find the right one. You don't have to only date one girl at a time. If this is going to bother her, she needs to work on that because otherwise she's going to jump straight from meeting the guy into thinking they are together after one date.

I do agree that everything is fair game when you're just dating. I think since the OP was unclear in the beginning, Lesa and I assumed that they were in a semi-serious relationship.

[Cain]

I do agree that everything is fair game when you're just dating. I think since the OP was unclear in the beginning, Lesa and I assumed that they were in a semi-serious relationship.

She also said they had been seeing each other for weeks.. When I hear that, I assume it's less than a month, otherwise I'd expect something mentioning a little over a month or something.. almost two months... something. Weeks means 2 and 3 to me.

[Illusional]

if he's not your bf, then he can date as many people as he wants. the same goes for you, both of you are not in a committed relationship.

raverboy

[guitarchick88]

I agree that she should not make assumptions and think that they are together. However, if her beliefs/values or whatever is that she only wants to date one person at a time and wishes her partner to do the same...she must communicate these wishes and go from there. She should not have to change her beliefs if she does not want. It's up to her what she wants in a partner and not us....but we can guide her or give options but obviously she does not....even after she elaborated, she did not.

She of course may want to change how she lives but that is up to her....she can expect the man she is dating to date only her...she has to understand the impact of her decision but she can definitely expect it...with communication.

*
After typing that, I understand what you mean. She may not be communicating well.

Probably that's one of the things I must consider in the future. But then why would I jump into a relationship and give so much attention to a certain person if he didn't show that he is really serious(at least that's what I felt) and thought it was just me. I was so wrong.

Anyways he has given me enough headaches/heartache. And I don't think he can fix what he has done. Whatever he say. Cuz if I were to give it another shot and carry on with the "relationship" I won't have a peace of mind really. He has to learn.

But yeah, next time I shouldn't assume that it's just 'you and me' and expect so much from a person.

[starbuck]

But yeah, next time I shouldn't assume that it's just 'you and me' and expect so much from a person.

It happens to alot of us at one point or another, especially when we're younger. Something seems to be a sure thing and then, surpise! He's seeing you and half the campus, too. It's all part of learning how to lay out the ground rules in the beginning. After 6 weeks or so, there's nothing wrong with casually asking him if he's dating other people. That way you know where you stand.