My own thoughts for your critisizum

[Kromat]

^.^ i am very flamboyant... i am Bi.. very picky about my men
though and just have a heavier desire to be with females lol so i say I'm strait. but yes...
if you get to know me all my friends say I'm deceiving because i act very "sensitive/flamboyant".
so yeah i aim for having a girlfriend but i would not be shocked if
i went home one night with a boyfriend... *shrug*

You answered my question right there, I have nothing more to add.

Whatever makes you happy.

[XPRabbit]

^.^ glad to do so, nothing to hide here :p

[shh!]

It seems to me that if you want to pursue relationships with women, you will have to work on getting rid of your flambouyancy. Most women do not find it an attractive quality in a lover. It's that whole "opposites attract" thing... Of course, you could start pursuing "butchy" females... That might work.

[anachronistic]

Appearance is a big wall for a lot of people. You could work on that a little, if you want more people to approach you. Might want to cut your hair and gel it back, maybe lose a little weight. No offense... but at least you have potential. You could easily be mistaken for Luis Guzmán.

Personally, I don't think there's anything wrong with having homosexual feelings. You don't need to be straight or gay. It's not black and white like that and you know that. Don't really need to figure your feelings out in advance, if you're sure that you're more satisfied with women.

I'll skim some of your post in a while and pick out some characteristics that are good and bad and give you some advice about those.

[XPRabbit]

yeah i am a firm believer that there is no strait and gay, it's all in how strait and how gay. we all have a level of attraction to all people just how much is the question. and loosing weight is what i am working on, and you know if it bothers me I'll cut my hair but i love it long, i can be kinda hippy-ish... but yeah on the grounds on the flamboyancy... it's who i am, i didn't realize it until a female friend of mine a few months ago mentioned it. Opposites so attract i agree, but that is gray as well. "Most women do not find it an attractive quality in a lover." if that's the case then i won't be dating "most women"... ^.^ if I'm single my whole life because of my persona, then so be it ^.^ i rather have a girl that loves me before a girl that loves what I'm not.

thanks for all the advice though, lol just feels good to get outsiders opinions... friends can be too nice sometimes.

[Illusional]

wow all these thoughts and i didn't bother to search for a correct spelling of criticism.

raverboy

[starbuck]

Rabbit,
I think you hit the nail on the head when you said that you probably won't be dating "most women." You sound like a very unique person. I think instead of changing yourself, you should try to seek out a woman who is very open-minded and perhaps as unique as you. A more conservative women may have qualms about dating a bisexual guy. But there are all sorts of subcultures out there with women and men who have no issues whatsoever with it. In the internet age, it's much easier to find these people.

I'm not saying don't make any changes. Getting fit is always a good idea because it's healthy and can help your self-esteem. But instead of trying to conform to someone else's ideals, you could go another route.

[anachronistic]

I'm young, 20 years old, and really have a lot on my plate... i go to work and school and that takes up my whole week. and with bills and such i am stuck living at home hardly able to support myself. so in all logic i'm not in a great place to have a GF.

You're a year older than me. I don't think you should be worrying so much about relationships right now; instead, be developing yourself for your future. Short term goals. Find out who you really are, and what you really want now. Most women our age... not just women... people our age are typically too immature to handle a long term relationship, so why waste your precious time now? In your 30s is when you should be seriously looking for someone to settle with, if that's what you want. If someone comes around now, though, sure, take any opportunity you get.

So beyond that, you're right, you don't really have time for lovers anyway. Let that be your justification. Your predicament will build character; you have a strong one already.

I'm going to school for Massage Therapy and kinda want to go out and get a job on Cruise ships when i graduate, but if i have a girlfriend then it's gunna be a hard choice to make being as it's easier to travel for work when your single.

Gotta have plans, Rabbit. Maybe you could work on cruise ships for a few years before settling down. It would be hard to have a relationship with a traveling job like that. But the nice thing about Massage Therapy (A lady friend of mine just graduated with her certification in that) is that you can work for clinics. It shouldn't be hard to find work in Colorado, either

I am close friends with all my female friends and sometimes it feels like they are dating me while having a real BF for the physical attraction... it's odd when there dating but you talk to them more then their BF and they seem to come to you instead of them...

I have some relationships with females like that, too. It's great insight for future relationships, isn't it? You know, you'd probably be dating these girls right now if they weren't so shallow when it comes to dating (no offense).. perhaps eventually they will realize the silliness of it, and decide to date you for who you are! And maybe by that time, you will have lost some weight and gained some muscle and stuff.

I don't actually have an issue asking girls out, I am comfortable around girls and know that it's always better to tell the truth then to hide emotions, but all the girls i have wanted to date (3) all turned me down...

Rejection isn't that bad to me, i keep the friend and i'm used to being just the friend. i think the only thing that gets me nervous is the possibility's that they will say yes... i am extremely loyal and would never cheat and would be committed but i don't want to ask a girl out then to disappoint her you know.

You should put yourself out there a little more. I have been rejected at least 8 times this month, and I am a decent looking guy. You have to talk to new people every day. It's hard to do when you hold onto relationships like that. Gotta learn to move on with some of them, that way you are concentrating on dating, than becoming friends.

and loosing weight is what i am working on, and you know if it bothers me I'll cut my hair but i love it long, i can be kinda hippy-ish...

I can't say I feel any different; I like my hair long, and I am trying to lose some weight too. I did not mean that you *should* get your hair cut, but if that is something you have not tried, you should consider it.

How about some mutton chops? Heh heh, only kidding.

Feel free to post your progress in my 'easing back into it' thread (about losing weight).

but yeah on the grounds on the flamboyancy... it's who i am, i didn't realize it until a female friend of mine a few months ago mentioned it. Opposites so attract i agree, but that is gray as well. "Most women do not find it an attractive quality in a lover." if that's the case then i won't be dating "most women"... ^.^ if I'm single my whole life because of my persona, then so be it ^.^ i rather have a girl that loves me before a girl that loves what I'm not.

Well if you have never noticed it before, and someone just mentioned it to you, you probably aren't as flamboyant as you think. You're right though, you shouldn't be 'acting' to try to lure them in.

I don't necessarily agree that most women are not attracted to flamboyance. At this day in age, compared to all the other shit happening, and all the shit heads walking around, flamboyance is a good thing. And besides, that is only something minor. It really sounds like all your keys are tuned, you have fairly keen perception on things.

Remember, your appearance is not only made up of your appearance, but the appearances of the people around you. With no one to compare yourself to, you are left with perfection.

A more conservative women may have qualms about dating a bisexual guy. But there are all sorts of subcultures out there with women and men who have no issues whatsoever with it. In the internet age, it's much easier to find these people.

She's right. It depends on what a person's world views are. People are going to judge you by what you give them with your first impression. It takes a little bit of critical thinking to decide what you should and should not show people when you first meet them, and I think this is where Shh's advice comes into play. When you first meet someone, try distancing yourself a little more; not necessarily pretending to be something your not, but being a little evasive at first. You have a lot of qualities that people will not see if they judge you based on silly superficial traits that they might not admire - once they get to see what kind of person you are, then you can open up, and they will be less judgmental of you.

instead of trying to conform to someone else's ideals, you could go another route.

This is one reason why I like Starbuck so much

There is so much you can do, it's not even funny. You just have to learn how to use the people around you, and the environment you are surrounded by. Changing yourself is easy. But learning how to trick people into crossing their own boundaries is what it takes.

[shh!]

but yeah on the grounds on the flamboyancy... it's who i am, i didn't realize it until a female friend of mine a few months ago mentioned it. Opposites so attract i agree, but that is gray as well. "Most women do not find it an attractive quality in a lover." if that's the case then i won't be dating "most women"... ^.^ if I'm single my whole life because of my persona, then so be it ^.^ i rather have a girl that loves me before a girl that loves what I'm not.

Hmm... I thought you were looking for advice about how to date women, and what I gave you was advice about how to improve your odds. If that is not your goal, then feel free to continue on as you are. You are bound to run into a girl who will date you eventually. However, I think if you are flamboyant, you will have better luck with gay males.

[XPRabbit]

lol wow overnight and i have a good portion to read, Anachronistic, you stated "It really sounds like all your keys are tuned, you have fairly keen perception on things." the only way i got this way without experiencing Love or Dating first hand if by talking to many people about this, and i argue with myself alot... i find i lay in my room or find myself re-orginizing when something crosses my mind that even remotely bugs me and I ask myself for advice, i try to break it down and build it back up, that's how i tuned my thoughts... i put myself down a lot but i know i have a decent level of intelligence and can see the logic in things pretty fast.

but like posting this here, i know that i don't have all the answers, and i am amazed at what i learn from others.

and about the flamboyancy thing... after she said it i found all my friends think i am really flamboyant and my parents even vouched... ^.^ i figure the masses have spoken.

Star, it's always good to hear when i got something right... and i do believe one day i will find that girl.

and yes Shh!, but what i found in the gay community, well where i am, i find a lot of guys are looking for more "recreational" partners, almost like they play the field and leave the possibility open for a deeper relationship. lol well okay this is only referring to the gay guys i know i can't say the community is that way.

[shh!]

and yes Shh!, but what i found in the gay community, well where i am, i find a lot of guys are looking for more "recreational" partners, almost like they play the field and leave the possibility open for a deeper relationship. lol well okay this is only referring to the gay guys i know i can't say the community is that way.

Having worked in West Hollywood for years in an industry that is full of gay men and lesbians, I can tell you that the level of interest in meaningful relationships is pretty similar to the straight world... yes, there are plenty of boy-whores, but there are also those that want something more than sex. The promiscuity I think you are referring to is more related to age than sexual orientation, I think.

[XPRabbit]

^.^ you are most likely right there, there young so possibly playing the field before settling.

[shh!]

...just like straight men...

[lesa]

What are flamboyant characteristics and can someone list them?

[Gribble]

What are flamboyant characteristics and can someone list them?

A guy with female mannerisms, a lisp and the vocabulary of an overweight black woman.