I am a coward and I hate myself

[Arrow]

Don't go to a club alone. Your therapist is giving you poor advice, club is a bad place to meet women believe it or not. They walk in there with a brick wall up already, if anything it is a bigger challenge to pick a women up at a club than an isle in Walmart. In a club they expect you to hit on them, so you start at negative points.

The idea was to learn how to hit them.

[boobaa]

Your therapist needs some more thinking. I bet you knew before that you had to gain up the balls and do something. It doesn't require a genious highly paid therapist to figure it out. Ask your therapist what is he/she going to do in such situation, ask exactly like he/she were you, in your situation.

[Zatguy]

The idea was to learn how to hit them.

how to hit them?

FALCON PUNCH!
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlJuC-x3bI0"]YouTube - Guy Punches Girl in the Face[/ame]

Game!

[Arrow]

Your therapist needs some more thinking. I bet you knew before that you had to gain up the balls and do something. It doesn't require a genious highly paid therapist to figure it out. Ask your therapist what is he/she going to do in such situation, ask exactly like he/she were you, in your situation.

Based on how our treatment has been developing (I won't get into details because I'd spend an hour writing ) I guess it's safe to say that she thought I already had the balls, so it was a bit of a setback really.

I'm just afraid of losing yet another potentially good girlfriend and I don't want to make mistakes, which really drives me nervous.

[Off2College]

**** the world and don't be nervous.

[Zatguy]

I'm just afraid of losing yet another potentially good girlfriend and I don't want to make mistakes, which really drives me nervous.

and there's your problem!

[Only-virgins]

how to hit them?

FALCON PUNCH!


Game!

I don't know why he really hit her that hard but WTFBBQ hahahaha. TKO

[boobaa]

I used to be very nervous. I even scared to speak. usually when I had to speak up in public, I would get these shakes. As I got older, I told myself I need to get away from this nervousness. Now I am quite open, I can speak quite freely. All you need to do is go to some new place where people don't know you really, like a new school, and start with confidence. If you blow it up, don't get stuck on it, don't analyze, just forget you blew up and continue. I think back, and all the mistakes i did even on the new sheet. I have learned to not stop pushing, and i look back and see that I have actually improved a lot.

Also, find something to do where you feel free, let your emotions go and feel good. A good hobby perhaps, or just listen to very good music and dance by yourself. When a nervous moment comes up, think about that thing that sets you free. Relax, think about some funny moment and aknowledge that people around you are just people like you with all their qualities and faults, everybody has faults.

The beginning is the hardest. Once you have spoken up and get people to listen you, its easier. But it can still be hard to maintain because such people like you and me get tired of social situations really fast.

[Arrow]

I used to be very nervous. I even scared to speak. usually when I had to speak up in public, I would get these shakes. As I got older, I told myself I need to get away from this nervousness. Now I am quite open, I can speak quite freely. All you need to do is go to some new place where people don't know you really, like a new school, and start with confidence. If you blow it up, don't get stuck on it, don't analyze, just forget you blew up and continue. I think back, and all the mistakes i did even on the new sheet. I have learned to not stop pushing, and i look back and see that I have actually improved a lot.

Also, find something to do where you feel free, let your emotions go and feel good. A good hobby perhaps, or just listen to very good music and dance by yourself. When a nervous moment comes up, think about that thing that sets you free. Relax, think about some funny moment and aknowledge that people around you are just people like you with all their qualities and faults, everybody has faults.

The beginning is the hardest. Once you have spoken up and get people to listen you, its easier. But it can still be hard to maintain because such people like you and me get tired of social situations really fast.

I listen to music. And a little bit of alcohol does wonders.

My problem isn't so much with people as it is with women.

[IndiReloaded]

Arrow, your problem isn't w/others or women. Its with yourself, man. Your therapist sounds not bad to me. He or she is trying to get you to become more confident & comfortable *about yourself*. Once you manage that, then interacting w/ppl, including women, won't seem like such a disaster.

Honesty, I get a bit irritated w/you every time I check up your posts. I think your thread title is harsh and sucks. Here you are, trying to figure out some of your issues, and you are calling yourself a 'coward' and 'you hate yourself'.

The only true cowards I've met are ppl who KNOW they have issues that they absolutely refuse to work on.

It takes balls to look inside your dark space at that gibbering monkey. It takes even more courage to actually decide to take action to make things improve. You've got this part covered, now I would suggest you start taking your negatives and seeing them as challenges that can become positives!

Start a new thread w/a more positive title. Tell us all about the things you are doing to improve and grasp happiness.

[starbuck]

Arrow, from reading a few of your posts now, may I analyze you a bit? Ok, I'm going to anyway. Maybe I'm wrong, but from what I've read, one of your main problems seems to be that you are awfully hard on yourself.

I used to be very hard on myself, too. One of the best things to do if you're like this, is to try and step outside yourself a bit and give yourself the same advice that you would give a very good friend. You'd probably not be so hard on your friend because you'd want to pick him up right? You need to treat yourself like that good friend and adopt more positive self talk.

I wouldn't be so afraid of making dating mistakes. You're allowed. You're going to anyway (as we all do), so you might as well accept it, or perhaps even learn to laugh about it.

EDIT: LOL, Indie and I analyzed you at the same time.

[IndiReloaded]

We're saying the same thing, I think, SB. It can't hurt to read this from more than one person.

[Arrow]

I was going to bed now but the sleeping time missed will be worth it.

I'll be honest with you both: my therapist has said in the past I'm (too) hard on myself.

This has a reason. I used to be an ace at school and always scored top grades. My family put me down when I got a bad result. This made me become competitive to the point of pulling my hair out in everything I do. And (also) because of it, it does hurt me a lot that many of my male friends date someone and/or are able to flirt with someone, while it's difficult for me because of many reasons (conservative upbringing, social isolation, school bullying...) which make me afraid of trying something with people.

Fear of loss is my most glaring problem. If I'm to face a situation in which I believe there's a high chance I'll be ridicularised, I run away from it. That's what happened at the club: I thought people wouldn't like me and I would feel pathetic all alone, therefore I wouldn't even waste my time going in (plus I was lazy and didn't want to park my car ). The girl I like has told me once I was "proud of myself", because I had a tendency not to "bow down to others". I acknowledged that and even told her she was a good observer, because it's indeed true. But, in my case, it's pathological, because I want never to lose and a loss really puts me down to the point of not even trying if I see I have no chance of success.

In the end I know that, if I want that girl, or any girl for that matter, to be my girlfriend, I'll have to overcome those problems. Of course I'd like it if it was her, because I really believe it could work and she's close to me. I must rip through the friendzone, though. Anyway, I don't get it, since people tell you to become friends before dating but there's this risk of being friendzoned...

Next Friday I'm going out with friends and I hope things change. I'm also looking into making more contact (in various forms) with strangers on the streets to see how they react.

[ecojeanne]

arrow just a thought for you. i have in the past experienced a deep fear of failure and was exceptionally shy when i was younger.

i came to a point where i got over it.

when i look back i realised how selfish i actually was......it was all about me me me and i couldn't see the world around me. my thoughts were always about my failures, my guilt at being wrong/useless, peoples perceptions of me....when in fact other people were more concerned with their own problems and thoughts, and if i'd truly realised that fact i would have calmed down a lot sooner rather than later in life.

this is not advice as such.....just something i experienced when i was younger.

its hard to let go of that feeling that people are judging you.....but really they're not....there are so many thoughts going thru their minds that you wouldn't believe....from the cooker to work to how they look to how THEY are perceived....you'd be surprised at how insecure other people really are but don't show it....but they are not thinking about you as much as you might think....thats for sure

btw im sayng this is what i discovered about myself....i'm not saying this IS you and i'm certainly NOT saying that you are selfish....its just some food for thought.

EDIT: i also want to add that if someone does judge/say nasty things to you openly in front of others...well others will then JUDGE THEM not you.

[datingtutorials]

NO, you are not a coward. The very fact you found yourself in front of the club says you already did A FIRST STEP on achieving your goal. Otherwise, you wouldn't have been there at all, not even close to the club. It takes you a little to get to the final point, and I trust it will be quite soon.