found a perfect partner only to know...

[cheeryelfin]

How long have you known him?

very casually as friends for 7 years and close only these 2 years.
He is married for 7 years. Please note that we didn't not start off anything romantic. It is only been close friends and that is it. He didn't confess he loves me though he said he still likes me.
Neither did I say I love him though I say his wife is really lucky to have him.

I have no intention to make him my boyfriend until he is single. And neither do I have the intention of breaking people's marriages. I am just posting it here to say how life is for me so far as romance is concerned......

but thanks for all the replies though. I really appreciate it and I will reply each and everyone of you in detail.

[cheeryelfin]

Yes. Go find someone who isn't married.

The length of time you've known each other is irrelevant. This man is married with children. You are on the path to making these children's lives hell. Your needs are not even on the map.

You know what you are doing is wrong or you wouldn't be posting here about it. Send this man home to his wife & tell him to fix his problems with his marriage so his kids can grow up happy.

thanks for the advice.

We didn't start any kind of hideous relationship. So no worries there. I know he loves his kids very dearly and wanted the best out of them. The main reason why he hangs on, I think, is because of his kids.

I was worried that he might not be able to take it. He sounds almost like he is about to break down. I told him that he should give time for himself and maybe his wife would listen to him and everything would be fine.

I wrote here about this because of the frustration. I know him pretty well to say that before his marriage, he was very successful and positive. Now it appears that he has a lot of problems at home that has affected his work too. Even his colleagues know that he hates his wife and often slams his handphone as a sort of venting his frustration. He rarely says anything much of his family other than work and the projects that we both have aspirations in.

We always keep it at that. He also started a business with his wife too in the hopes of turning their financial problems around. He only mentioned once in one line that she spent almost all his savings. He just stopped right there and said he hopes they will get rich.

He let me see his business startup and the first sight of it was negative. I hinted that he should be doing what he is good at and not the expensive garments at such a time when consumer confidence is low. Nonetheless, he followed his wife's idea and did it. Sure enough, today they are in the red. He used to be very well off.

If he were to leave his wife for me, I would be getting nothing. But to tell the truth, he is already almost ruined in person and in wealth. So pramatically speaking he is not worth a dime. But I have been thinking. If there were such a day he were to leave her and come to me, I really would accept him. From the bottom of my heart, I know he is me and I am him. We know each other and read each other very well.

I was proposed before 3 times by different men whom I had no feelings for. Maybe its me being stupid. But I always go for character, and a kind heart. None of the 3 had it though they had lots of money.

Anyway, if someone like him comes along and is single, I will marry. I like family and kids.

[cheeryelfin]

How long have you known him?

casually known him for 7 years as friends and close friends for 2 years.

Just posted this earlier but I am not very familiar with this format.
Hope it came through

[cheeryelfin]

If the man of your dreams is married then he isn't perfect.

He has made a commitment to his wife and an obligation to his children. If you think he is magically going to up and leave them for you then think again. It rarely happens this way.

No I don't. Just to remention this again that we have never started any kind of affair. Its just mutual admiration of each other as friends.
We never even hold hands. We just talk like friends....

[cheeryelfin]

He is neither perfect nor the one. The fact that he's sharing his personal "tragedy" and building intimacy with you is a testament to that.

The flaw I can see in you is you are playing a victim and using a scarcity mentality to alienate yourself from the many posibilities available to you. You are blaming life for dealing you a bad hand and using it to justify your romaticism to this unavailble guy. Instead of blaming yourself for not trying harder to a find a good match. Out of hundreds of millions of available single men out there he is NOT the only one for you.

Thanks for your post. I can understand what you are driving at.
Well I think first of all I should have said we have never even dated each other. Its just a personal admiration of each other.

As a person he is not perfect. He is not cool and in fact he talks like an old man at times when he is worried about the state of the world and his family and his kids. Everyone's like that at times. I am no perfect either.

Finding a good match is not easy. You got to have that feeling for each other big enough to give anything up for your loved one. You've also got to find someone who can compliment you as well as to criticise you. But most importantly by the end of the day, even in the event of quarrelling and fighting, you must make sure that both of you will patch up and love each other more. Then that is your match. If you keep on fighting and forget about each other when there is something beneficial to you, then that is a problem.

Well anyway, I am on the look out for someone like him who also truly loves me. The main reason why I like him and why he likes me is because we share almost the same causes in life. We are still friends but nothing more than just friends. It is just a pity really. Can't say much.

I sometimes ask if his kids are fine and he keeps quiet. He appears to have a heap of problems. But as just friends, I cannot ask any more but I did say if he needs help; I will be always around.

My thinking is: if we cannot be husband and wife; and if I really like him, then just help for help's sake. I bet his kids are cute though his hair is falling off ....

odd lousy joke, but he himself is laughing at hair...
he really looks old now.

[vashti]

I think you are over-romanticizing this whole situation. Quit making him sound like a victim. He got to CHOOSE his wife, you know. I doubt anyone forced him to marry her. Whatever horrible things he claims she has done, he put himself into this situation, and he continues to do so. You are dreaming if you think he is a victim.

And by the way: character and a kind heart? Yeah, right. I ALWAYS consider married men and fathers who are carrying on emotional affairs with outsiders to be kind-hearted and of good moral character.

::rolling eyes::

You really need to snap out of it, my friend. Stay away from this man before you ruin his children's family. You should strive to be a person of good character, too.

[cheeryelfin]

Yeah, all I have to say is that when my ex cheated on me he used to tell the other women utter lies about me (I know, I read the emails he sent). He told them I was broke and couldn't pay the bills, and that I was controlling and had no direction in life.....which is actually what HE was. Pretty shocking.

So maybe this guy is telling you these things about his wife, but it doesn't mean they're true. Come on now. You don't think you can do better than a man that disrespects his wife and marriage?

see my earlier replies

I have no intention of taking someone's man unless she chooses to break it up. For me, its no good to stay intimately close until the person is single.

Cheers..

[cheeryelfin]

I think you are over-romanticizing this whole situation. Quit making him sound like a victim. He got to CHOOSE his wife, you know. I doubt anyone forced him to marry her. Whatever horrible things he claims she has done, he put himself into this situation, and he continues to do so. You are dreaming if you think he is a victim.

And by the way: character and a kind heart? Yeah, right. I ALWAYS consider married men and fathers who are carrying on emotional affairs with outsiders to be kind-hearted and of good moral character.

::rolling eyes::

You really need to snap out of it, my friend. Stay away from this man before you ruin his children's family. You should strive to be a person of good character, too.

I think I missed this out.

Please kindly see my replies.
We've never step out of the boundaries.
......

anyway...thanks for the reply.

[vashti]

I read your replies. I remain unmoved, and you aren't going to convince me that your intentions are pure.

[cheeryelfin]

I read your replies. I remain unmoved, and you aren't going to convince me that your intentions are pure.

I can understand how you think and I cannot change the way you think. I was just replying from what I really felt. That was it.
Cheer and have a good weekend.