found a perfect partner only to know...

[cheeryelfin]

that he is married.

It's a disappointment.
We fit in so well only to find out that he is married with 2 kids. Though the marriage is not a happy one, he is still married.

Just wanting to post here and share my thoughts.
Its miserable. For all these years, I have finally found the one. But that one is married with a wife who doesn't treasure him as an honest and responsible husband. She spends all his savings and now they are in financially tight-up.

He mentioned briefly, out of frustration, that his wife is very difficult to please and he seemed at
many times wanting to share his pain in the marriage. But I suppose as an honest and responsible person as he is, he chose to curtail the conversation. I can almost feel he has a lot of dilenma, always sighing and worrying.
Its a far cry from his days before his marriage.

Personally I think its tragedy. We cannot date and talk like we wantto. But behind our minds, we like each other a lot and we chat about life in general. He is always so happy to talk to me, even if its only on the phone. We now live miles apart but it seems that we are only a heartbeat away.

I have so much on my mind now and I don't have my friends near me to talk about it. Most of them are working overseas with families and I don't want to trouble them.

Any advice here ?

The sadness comes in big because I have spent a long time finding such a person and also because I have met quite a few unsuitable people before.

I like to have a family of my own, a loving husband I could cherish and a kid or 2 whom I could always take care and love. Finding someone whom I could share my life with and support in what he does. We could have been perfect. He's work and life ideals are very similar to mine. We share the very similar temprements and character.

Many times, I do think life has really know how to play with me.

Thanks for reading and I hope to read some advice.

[Indignant]

How long have you known him?

[IndiReloaded]

that he is married.

It's a disappointment.
We fit in so well only to find out that he is married with 2 kids. Though the marriage is not a happy one, he is still married.

Just wanting to post here and share my thoughts.
Its miserable. For all these years, I have finally found the one. But that one is married with a wife who doesn't treasure him as an honest and responsible husband. She spends all his savings and now they are in financially tight-up.

He mentioned briefly, out of frustration, that his wife is very difficult to please and he seemed at
many times wanting to share his pain in the marriage. But I suppose as an honest and responsible person as he is, he chose to curtail the conversation. I can almost feel he has a lot of dilenma, always sighing and worrying.
Its a far cry from his days before his marriage.

Personally I think its tragedy. We cannot date and talk like we wantto. But behind our minds, we like each other a lot and we chat about life in general. He is always so happy to talk to me, even if its only on the phone. We now live miles apart but it seems that we are only a heartbeat away.

I have so much on my mind now and I don't have my friends near me to talk about it. Most of them are working overseas with families and I don't want to trouble them.

Any advice here?

Yes. Go find someone who isn't married.

The length of time you've known each other is irrelevant. This man is married with children. You are on the path to making these children's lives hell. Your needs are not even on the map.

You know what you are doing is wrong or you wouldn't be posting here about it. Send this man home to his wife & tell him to fix his problems with his marriage so his kids can grow up happy.

[Gigabitch]

He's not perfect, or he wouldn't be having an emotional affair with you. You're looking at him through rose-tinted glasses. You have no idea what he's really like to live with.

[Dasein]

If the man of your dreams is married then he isn't perfect.

He has made a commitment to his wife and an obligation to his children. If you think he is magically going to up and leave them for you then think again. It rarely happens this way.

[Indignant]

If the man of your dreams is married then he isn't perfect.

He has made a commitment to his wife and an obligation to his children. If you think he is magically going to up and leave them for you then think again. It rarely happens this way.

can i please disagree on this one? my brother in law was married to a girl who made his life miserable. then had 1 child. there's only so much a man can take. and he did leave her for a much nicer lady who is now pregnant, and both of them are happy with each other.

[IndiReloaded]

Indignant, time will tell. I know I sound skeptical, but the stats on second marriages are far worse than first ones. I hope I'm wrong, but I will bet that 5 years down the line you will see your brother in law having similar problems.

Of course, it depends on the character of his first wife, which you have said nothing about. Perhaps she was an abusive drug addict with no life prospects and they married due to a teenage pregnancy.

But most marriages are not like that.

In the case of the OP, she only knows what HE is telling her. I bet things would be quite a lot different if she got the wife's side of things.

In any case, even if this guy does leave his wife for her (very unlikely, btw) its a lot harder to become Step Mommy than ppl think. Or is the OP also supposed to get the guy to just drop his two kids for her?

Lots to think about.

Probably easier to find someone available.

[Gigabitch]

can i please disagree on this one? my brother in law was married to a girl who made his life miserable. then had 1 child. there's only so much a man can take. and he did leave her for a much nicer lady who is now pregnant, and both of them are happy with each other.

I get you- my brother is also unhappily married, but the fact that he IS, indeed, married makes him not only imperfect but completely unavailable for anyone else.

[IndiReloaded]

Ah hell, who cares? Its just a wedding vow afterall.

If you are so certain these guys are The One, then go for it. Marriage is just an artificial human construct in any case. Kids do just fine after a divorce.

Open season on anyone, single, married, who cares?

Just remember that, in such a free-for-all society, that means that you don't cry when it happens to you.

Gribble?? Are you ready to come see me for a wild week of sex on a tropical island? Your plane ticket is ready, babe.

[Mish]

Any advice here ?

He is neither perfect nor the one. The fact that he's sharing his personal "tragedy" and building intimacy with you is a testament to that.

The flaw I can see in you is you are playing a victim and using a scarcity mentality to alienate yourself from the many posibilities available to you. You are blaming life for dealing you a bad hand and using it to justify your romaticism to this unavailble guy. Instead of blaming yourself for not trying harder to a find a good match. Out of hundreds of millions of available single men out there he is NOT the only one for you.

[Only-virgins]

Well if he is married with two kids he is obviously not perfect. Jebus Webus Women are dunb mother ****eres sometimes. Sometimes women are not perfect to me because they have a funny looking nose but this girl somehow over looks that the guy is married? come on.

[Chococat]

...He mentioned briefly, out of frustration, that his wife is very difficult to please

...according to him, ...I wonder what his wife's side of the story is???

But I suppose as an honest and responsible person as he is

...He seems anything but, considering he is maintaining a relationship with you and confiding in you regarding things that should be discussed with his wife

The sadness comes in big because I have spent a long time finding such a person and also because I have met quite a few unsuitable people before.

...this one is just as unsuitable as the rest

I like to have a family of my own, a loving husband I could cherish and a kid or 2 whom I could always take care and love. Finding someone whom I could share my life with and support in what he does. We could have been perfect. He's work and life ideals are very similar to mine. We share a very similar temperment and character.
.

...you are grasping at straws, ...not to mention the fact that you are invading the sanctity of another woman's marriage and family


...time for you to move on, ...until this "perfect" man is single


.

[Gigabitch]

If I found out some girl thought my husband was perfect for her, she's be in trouble.

[misombra]

traicionero!

you need to stay away from him or his wife is gonna kill you.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, all I have to say is that when my ex cheated on me he used to tell the other women utter lies about me (I know, I read the emails he sent). He told them I was broke and couldn't pay the bills, and that I was controlling and had no direction in life.....which is actually what HE was. Pretty shocking.

So maybe this guy is telling you these things about his wife, but it doesn't mean they're true. Come on now. You don't think you can do better than a man that disrespects his wife and marriage?