how to get to the dating stage?

[TheGreek]

so we met today. I do get the feeling she may be interested... it's hard to tell, as she could be a bit shy. Anyway, the night before we met she fbook messaged her phone number incase I ever needed to phone her (I gave her mine back of course). Anyway we got along really well I think. I let her pay for the museum, I think that was right at that moment. Anyway, partway through our visit she hinted that maybe we get something to eat afterwords... she didn't actually say it, so I did, and she agreed. As far as convo's go, she seemed to give off signs that she was either interested/nervous... kept good eye contact etc... smiled a lot, laughed at nonsense....

so we went and got a light bite to eat... my intention would have been to pay for her at that point, but it was a buffet style and she finished loading up before I did... and went ahead and payed for herself... so I didn't really have a chance. Ah well. Anyway, as I mentioned she had to get to work so I walked her there... asked if she'd like to get together next week and go on a gallery tour, and she agreed (hopefully next Thursday... she has an exam before that, and I'm not free anymore until Wednesday). So I gave her a hug to end it....and that's about it then...

so all in all, I think it went pretty well.

Sounds like you nailed it bro! Nice work! Don't contact her until the day before y'all go out again though. You don't want to come off too eager and she'll appreciate it with the studying that she's having to do right now.

[savoysuit]

she was your student you were her t.a.
do NOT pay for her.
do not do anything that would make it seem as though it was anything remotely close to a date.
let her take the lead on this.

true enough... it's been a while though... about half a year since we were in that situation. Furthermore, she's actually OLDER than I am by about 2 years... so it's not quite the regular student-teacher submissive thing...

anyway, I didn't do anything nor did I say anything to her that might make her suggest that this was a date. I was, just testing the waters so to speak... but look, it really did "feel" like a date, but just without a lot of the official dating rituals...

you make it seem like I'm almost committing a sin here...

[savoysuit]

Sounds like you nailed it bro! Nice work! Don't contact her until the day before y'all go out again though. You don't want to come off too eager and she'll appreciate it with the studying that she's having to do right now.

that's true... there might be some facebook contact or something though... I don't go in for all those "games". My next real contact will be through phone text... just moving up a notch...

[TheGreek]

that's true... there might be some facebook contact or something though... I don't go in for all those "games". My next real contact will be through phone text... just moving up a notch...

I'm not saying play games. I'm saying to not come off too eager. Keep it casual. Maybe give her a call or shoot her a text a day or two before y'all go out again. That's all I'm saying.

[savoysuit]

I guess I'm wondering where I go from here... I know what the dating etiquette would be... but since this isn't the typical date situation.... I don't know how much (if any) contact I should make with her till next week... waiting too long might make her think that I'm only interested in being friends, no?

[TheGreek]

I guess I'm wondering where I go from here... I know what the dating etiquette would be... but since this isn't the typical date situation.... I don't know how much (if any) contact I should make with her till next week... waiting too long might make her think that I'm only interested in being friends, no?

In my experience, calling too often makes you look needy and like a friend.

[IndiReloaded]

Savoy: Great! The first outing was a success. She paid for you, so that 's a good sign.

Now its your turn to reciprocate & step it up. Treat it like you would a normal dating situation. Second date is going to decide for both of you whether you want to continue dating.

BTW, I had a TA ask me to lunch in uni (when I was a student gang, just to be clear). I didn't think there was anything wrong, it was nearly end of the course. He was only a couple years older than me. Sweet guy, but I was dating someone already so I couldn't say yes. No ethics problems here, esp since you're not even her TA anymore.

[savoysuit]

Savoy: Great! The first outing was a success. She paid for you, so that 's a good sign.

Now its your turn to reciprocate & step it up. Treat it like you would a normal dating situation. Second date is going to decide for both of you whether you want to continue dating.

BTW, I had a TA ask me to lunch in uni (when I was a student gang, just to be clear). I didn't think there was anything wrong, it was nearly end of the course. He was only a couple years older than me. Sweet guy, but I was dating someone already so I couldn't say yes. No ethics problems here, esp since you're not even her TA anymore.

thanks for the response. Maybe I wasn't clear tho... she didn't pay for me. I wouldn't have let her do that anyway....

We each paid our own way... next time if there's anything to pay for, I'm definitely going to do it for her.

[IndiReloaded]

Oh, sorry. But she offered, right? That's still a good sign of her giving personality.

But yes, generally the person asking for the date should pay. Good luck.

[misombra]

kiss her.
___________

[savoysuit]

Oh, sorry. But she offered, right? That's still a good sign of her giving personality.

But yes, generally the person asking for the date should pay. Good luck.

I'm going to ignore Misombra's advice....

anyway, no she didn't offer. That said, she's got a generous personality.

Thing is, remember that this wasn't really a "date"... it was more like a hang out and see if we get along type of thing. For all I know she could very well have felt as odd as I did if she would have offered to pay. Furthermore it's generally the social norm for, if anyone, the guy to pay on a (first) date. As I said though, since I suggested the next one, I'll pay if anything needs it.

[misombra]

slip her the tongue.

[carl1222]

she was your student you were her t.a.
do NOT pay for her.
do not do anything that would make it seem as though it was anything remotely close to a date.
let her take the lead on this.

I'm on the fence on this one ...

I think there is an enormous difference between a professor/student relationship and a former t.a./student relationship as long as they are age peers (i.e. no more than 2-3 years difference in ages). So if Savoy is a grad student and she is a late year undergrad, and he will not be in the position of being a t.a. to her in the future, I think pursuing a romantic relationship with her may be OK.

In any case, I don't think the ethics change much depending on who takes the lead. If it's wrong for him to take the lead, it's equally wrong for him to respond to her lead.

But as I said, I'm on the fence here.

Carl.

[savoysuit]

I'm on the fence on this one ...

I think there is an enormous difference between a professor/student relationship and a former t.a./student relationship as long as they are age peers (i.e. no more than 2-3 years difference in ages). So if Savoy is a grad student and she is a late year undergrad, and he will not be in the position of being a t.a. to her in the future, I think pursuing a romantic relationship with her may be OK.

In any case, I don't think the ethics change much depending on who takes the lead. If it's wrong for him to take the lead, it's equally wrong for him to respond to her lead.

But as I said, I'm on the fence here.

Carl.

well then to get you off the fence, here's the situation:

I was her TA last year... I'm a grad student, and she was a first year student. HOWEVER, after having her added to facebook I discovered that she's actually OLDER than I am (2 years older... she's 25, I'm 23). So in this case, there's no real issue with me hitting on a younger student from a position of former authority.

I would never approach a current student of mine (although I wish I could sometimes)... I would never approach anyone under the age of 21 (just too immature).

[savoysuit]

she just sent me this message through facebook:

"hey (insert my name here), how are you? It was fun meeting up last thursday! If you still want to explore the (insert place here) this week, anytime before thursday is good for me, my schedule is pretty flexible until then. Let me know :-) "

I take this as a good thing...