3 years lost. I need some advice on how to cope with it.

[Gigabitch]

God, what does your family think about all of this.

[swargolet]

Well, my family isnt really helping much. They really dont seem to care at all. While we were dating they didn't really approve of it but they got used to it. Now that we are broken up they seem to not care because they wanted this to happen.
Also I'd like to update you guys on the past few days.
I came home late thursday. It was extremely hard for me not to go into her room and just hug her and hold her and what not. So Friday rolls around and I go downstairs to wake her up and talk to her. We had an hour long talk which was nice. We then didn't interact much after that. She went to her older sisters place, then right when she got home she went to a friends. Her and I might go out xmas shopping later today but I dont know yet.
Tomorrow she is hanging out with that one guy and then 2 of her other friends. Her 2 other friends are dating. To me this kinda seems like a double date, and seem extremely inconsiderate. If it was just a group of friends it wouldnt be as bad, but it isn't.
I would also like to say what I've been thinking lately. As I said before she claims that she's been losing feelings for me the last few months. She's also only really known this guy for a couple weeks. She has also lost some weight lately, her braces are off, and she is not afraid to really open up more because of this. So to me it seems like the only reason she held on to me is because she thought no one else would date her. It kinda seems like she was only looking out for herself and that I'm kinda a back-up. This might be some of her immaturity showing through where she feels like she has to have a boyfriend and so she didn't say anything to me until she found someone else.

[Ms.Cruise]

"WHEN YOU LOVE SOMEBODY,LET HER GO,IF SHE COME BACK TO YOU, THAT MEANS THAT YOUR MEANT TO EACH OTHER IF SHE DON'T JUST KEEP TO MOVE ON." Learn how to accept!!!

[1averagejoe]

High school girls are ****ing nuts. Period.

I'm so sorry about everything that's going on. May I ask why she's staying at your home though?

You mentioned that she was going out with friends, and a couple guys or whatever. Hate to sound mean or anything but it's her choice now. You two aren't together anymore. She can do whatever she pleases. Is it inconsiderate? Well, it's not the nicest thing to do to someone when you know they're hurting. But she obviously has moved on.

But things could have been a lot worse, she could have cheated on you. At least she was somewhat compassionate about letting you down softly and trying not to hurt you. Three years is a LONG time for someone your age. It was bound to happen, you can't expect to marry someone you meet at that age. It very rarely happens.

The things you're doing are great for getting over her. But the things you have done regarding relationships with others isn't. You say you have no friends? Why? Start now, make it a goal for yourself to make more friends. Don't worry about girls for a long time from now. It's all about making friends!

I don't know how I did it for so long. High School I didn't have many people I considered friends, first year in college the same. When I broke up with my ex and found out she cheated I had a good friend to fall back on. I considered him to be one of my very few friends. Now it's the complete opposite. Part of me misses being in a relationship, but I would never trade the friends I've made for a girl. They're priceless.

This is the time for you to work on yourself and learn from this experience. Make yourself a better person. You're working out. That's great! I did the same thing, took up riding my dad's old bike to keep my mind clear. Ended up getting hooked, bought myself a new bike, still ride, and I'm in the best shape I've ever been in. But you're lacking on the relationship part.

Now go out and meet people. Look into local events, clubs (not the party type), dancing, sports...etc. Just learn to socialize and get acquainted with people.

[Car Chick]

Why isn't she there for you now?

[swargolet]

Ok well this post will probably be pretty long as a lot has happened since my last post.
I would first like to answer some of the questions posted.
You asked why we still live together. Well I'm hoping you guys can have an open mind about this but the reason we found eachother is because her mom started dating my dad. At the time they were just dating and nothing was really happening. Well as their relationship progressed so did ours, so eventually they moved in with us and now my ex-gf is technically my step-sister. I know it sounds weird but we started dating before we were step-siblings. So I'm trying to make this work for 3 reasons. 1. I will have to deal with her pretty much the rest of my life. 2. I dont want my break-up to adversely affect my dads relationship. and 3. Since my ex took up the place of my mom (support wise) I dont want to lose that. Also just so you guys know I dont really have anyone else that is that supportive.

You mentioned that I said I dont have any friends. That is not true, I have a lot of friends. Maybe I typed it wrong before, but I dont have a lot of really close friends that I can talk to about this kinds of stuff, also you dont usually come all out to a guy friend such as showing emotions and all. The one guy friend I have been talking to about all this is one of my closest friends but I could still never come all out to him about things, stupid manly crap. I also said that I dont really have friends in college. Yes that is my fault since I really never had any ambition before since I had my gf (ex) to talk to when I needed someone. Well now I have an ambition to find friends. I'm probably transferring to a new college also to help out. I have a great group of friends, the only problem is we all go to different colleges which is hard. 2 of my friends go to the college I might be transferring to. Also just so you know I'm kinda shy when it comes to meeting new people on my own. If I'm with a group of my friends I'm really outgoing, but when I'm alone it is really hard for me, and I'm really trying to get over that.

I would now like to give an update (as of yesterday since a few things have changed between yesterday and now)
As of yesterday I was doing A LOT better. I have been losing feelings for her, and not really seeing her as a gf anymore but more as a friend. I don't really have problems eating anymore but sometimes i have problems sleeping. Overall I think this has been going better then I thought it would. Her and I can talk normally and not really have any problems so it is pretty good.

I did find out a couple days ago that she lied to me at times throughout our relationship. That is normal with any relationship, but she is the type of girl to tell me 1/4 of the story. I posted awhile ago asking advice when I found out she kinda cheated on me. She made out with someone else, also she slept with someone else (not sex, like actual sleeping), also I found out she smoked pot with her friend (I'm kinda against pot if it has to deal directly with my life) Well first off, it took awhile to get all these stories out from her. I'd ask her about it because I know something is up and she would say one small bit. Then slowly more and more would come out. She supposedly did tell me everything about the cheating (I really can't trust her anymore though). about the pot though.. when she told me about it she said it was stupid and she just wanted to try it and that she wouldnt do it again. Well I found out she did it 2 more times after that. Whatever.. Not a huge deal that she smoked it, but the fact that she constantly lied about it is.

Now to the extremely hard part. (this is what has changed since yesterday) I mentioned before that there was another guy. I'm pretty sure I also mentioned before that my ex said that ya she had feelings for him but she told him that she felt it was wrong to date so soon after we broke up. I really respected her for that and thanked her a ton. She also told me that if they did start dating she would take it slow and not really do anything with him sexually until she felt it was right. Well I found out yesterday that they were dating already. So I got mad about that since she didn't keep her promise. I know it is her life and I shouldn't be affected by it, but it really seems like an asshole move. Then today I found out that they pretty much started dating the day we broke up, if not a little before that. So even when she told me that she wouldnt date him, she already was! Then I had a huge suspicion that sexual stuff went on between her and him last night. Once again I shouldnt care since it is her life, but since she lives with me, she is still a huge part of my life, so it really is a problem. I asked her about it and she said ya they made out but nothing more. I've been with her long enough to know when she isn't telling the whole story. When I asked her she even said "You think I'm that slutty to do something like that?" So I just wanted to know if my suspicions were true. I know looking into things always turns out for the worse but I dont want to try and be good friends with someone that I can't trust. Well I looked in her garbage and there I found a used condom. Now I got pissed. I took her to work this morning since her car wouldnt start. On the short drive there I mentioned it to her and she just sat there not saying a word. Then she said, ya it was true. I asked her 4 times before and I told her I was pretty sure something happened yet she never told me. I didn't have any hatred for her before but I seriously hate her right now. She knows how hard this break-up was for me and she promised she'd try to make it easier and even try to be good friends and then she pulls shit like this. She has supposedly only been dating this guy for 1 week and she had sex with him already? First off he was a virgin and secondly this is her second person she's had sex with, so this seems extremely slutty on her part, she even pretty much called herself a slut when she said "you think I'm slutty like that". I don't want to hate her but really I dont know how else to feel. She obviously doesn't give 2 shits about me and how her actions would make me feel. Right now I really just dont want to even try to be friends with her and I really just want to get the hell out of here. The crappy thing is I can't. I can't just ignore her since it would really screw up everything in the house and I can't just leave since it is my house.

I really need some suggestions guys. I have been spending as much time as possible with friends. I do know that most of you guys will say, "It is her life not yours so don't worry about it" Once again, even if we werent living together I would still worry about it, but since we are living together I can't just ignore it and not worry about it. Maybe you guys might have some suggestions on what I should talk to her about or if I should even talk to her. I really want to talk to her about this but I'm afraid I'm just going to blow up at her. I left her a very lengthy voicemail after she went to work just saying how I felt about all this. Ya it wasn't the best voicemail but I didn't blow up.
Maybe a friendship with her just wont work. I know one thing for sure, she definitely isn't my type and unless there are serious changes with her, I would NEVER date her again. I have tried so many things to try and make this break-up easier and try to keep a strong friendship, and everything I try just gets shredded up and thrown right back in my face. I really have almost no ambition left to try and make things normal between us, I will just end up getting hurt more and more, I guess it is all up to her now.

I know this post is getting extremely long, but one last thing. We did try a few things this past weekend to see how we felt as really close friends also to kinda close things out. I slept in bed with her the past 2 nights. I really didn't feel anything from it besides just having someone I love (not bf/gf love) next to me which was comforting. Also for closure we had one last sexual encounter. It was amazing and I believe I made it a memorable one for her. It did help close things out, but it was pretty much right after that, that I found out about the shit with the other guy. So now I look at it as nothing much. I also feel sick to my stomach since I gave her oral and she just had sex with a different guy last night.

Well that is all I guess. Any help is greatly appreciated.

[1averagejoe]

What do you expect out of her? That she'll somehow turn good and change? Girls this age that do stuff like this aren't going to change for a long time till they actually grow up. She will continue to cheat on guys, sleep around, and screw them over. She's just like my ex...manipulative, cheater, always has to have a bf, and a whore. I was supposedly the 3rd guy my ex dated in high school. Turns out there were two more before me.

I remember one night where I went over to her house to suprise her because she said she wasn't feeling good. I get to the door her mom answers and says that my she went over to my house. Ok...everyone is trying to call her she's not answering for over an hour. So she finally picks up the phone pissed off because supposedly her mom was pissed at her for not telling her where she actually went. Then she was also yelling at me because she was suppodely waiting at my house.

Then she tells me to meet her at the mall that is close to my house. It was just way to awkward. I could tell something was up, she wanted me out of there. I went into kiss her goodbye and I could smell it. The smell of sex...I told her and she snapped at me. Man that was gross.

Stop talking to this girl! Stop talking to her about you two and what happened between you two. You can't be friends with her, you said it yourself. You can't trust her as a girlfriend, you won't be able to trust her as a friend. All your doing is hurting yourself more talking to her. It's like taking off a bandaid, the quicker you get rid of it the less it hurts. I know she's stuck in your house and you can't get rid of her completely. But you need to leave her alone and not talk to her unless you have to. That doesn't include because you're sad or need to talk about what happened between you two.

Also once again, why is she staying at your house?

[swargolet]

You asked why we still live together. Well I'm hoping you guys can have an open mind about this but the reason we found eachother is because her mom started dating my dad. At the time they were just dating and nothing was really happening. Well as their relationship progressed so did ours, so eventually they moved in with us and now my ex-gf is technically my step-sister. I know it sounds weird but we started dating before we were step-siblings.

That is from my last post. It isn't that easy to just avoid her. I HAVE to see her. She sits next to me at the dinner table, sleeps 30 feet away from me, watches movies with the family, everything! So I pretty much do have to make a friendship work both for my dad/step-mom and for me. I could trust her as a gf all the time until the last 3 months or so, then it just became one lie after another.
And you gave a pretty big generalization that girls at that age just do that crap. I have met plenty that do and plenty that dont. I dont know... Their whole family is messed up. She has 3 sisters (2 of which got pregnant at 18 and are drug/alcohol users) and the younger one is already on that track. This one (my ex) wasn't on that track until about 6 months ago. I dont want to change her but I do believe that with some interactions I can prevent her from going down the same paths as her sisters. I'm just pissed about this whole guy part. I can't believe that a girl that supposedly loved my for 3 years and supposedly still cares about me would do shit like that. Its like "hey you want to twist the knife in my heart some more?!?"

[swargolet]

anymore help guys? At the beginning of this I was freaking out because i was sad, now I'm freaking out because of how mad I am. As in mad enough where if that guy came up to me I would probably keep punching him until he stopped moving.
Does anyone else see this is a huge bitch move? She promises things left and right, she does this crap, she then lies. I think it is 100x worse because of how we live together.

[Gigabitch]

Yuck, yuck and yuck.

For spring break, I suggest you go to Mexico. Oh, and for the summer, go and get a job at a resort or something that provides housing. You don't actually HAVE to live with her any more.

She's nasty and inconsiderate and you should STOP caring about it right now. Just cut her off.

[Muffin Princess]

This is awful It's like looking in a mirror, reading your story. I keep finding out things about my ex as well, he swore to me that he lost his feelings for me and he wanted to get back what we had and would be prepared to do anything to do so, but then I found out that he's been voraciously chasing after another woman, even though she's in a six year relationship, he doesn't care. I also found out that he's been saying untrue things about me to his friends. I keep finding things out by accident and he keeps trying to talk his way out of them and claiming that he's just joking around or whatever. And yet I still love him and want him back. I'm so stupid.
It's so easy for me to sit here and tell you to move out and erase this girl from your life. But when you're living it, it's so much harder But seriously, you need to move out, she's just causing you too much heartache and you obviously can't get over this as easily as she can, and you're not going to be able to carry on with your life as long as you're living together and you see her with other guys.

[swargolet]

I told her today that I'm done trying. She has always screwed me over in the past and it was always me trying to fix it when it should've been her trying. If she wants to stay friends she has to try, she has to put in the effort and the time to do so, I will not initiate anything. If she doesn't then yes I will be sad, but at the same time I will be glad that someone like that will be out of my life. It just sucks because I HAVE to see her eventually and she can't completely be out of my life. I guess I'll see what happens these next couple days.
I would love to move out but I dont have the money to do so. Yes I am going to college but I'm staying in the dorms, and I would be unable to support myself during breaks since all the dining services and other services close. I would move out during the summer as money wouldnt be an issue but it is next to impossible to find a place to stay for 3 months.

[sthforreal]

After reading what she's done to you, and also the fact that ur stuck in the same house with her, honestly, i do not even know how to put the words together and comfort u. It's just insanely hard for u to get her out of ur life completely, coz u cant do that if u keep seeing her every day.

I hope u wont even stay friends with her, she's not worth it. It doesnt matter if she tries or not, as long as u stay friends with her, the memories are always there haunting u. And ur just hurting urself. Save urself, dun even give a damn whether she wants to stay friends or not. U dun need a friend like that.

U're hurt badly, and now its time to heal. Dun get urself into her crap again.

[IndiReloaded]

Yuck, yuck and yuck.

For spring break, I suggest you go to Mexico. Oh, and for the summer, go and get a job at a resort or something that provides housing. You don't actually HAVE to live with her any more.

She's nasty and inconsiderate and you should STOP caring about it right now. Just cut her off.

I agree with this^. Its worth reposting.

As for the summer school holiday, check out the campus housing boards around exam time. And ask around. We used to share a house as undergrads & a couple of us would go home for summer. We rented our rooms out to students staying in the area. There are lots of jobs in & around the campus that will pay your share.

[Indignant]

3 years were not lost, 3 years of experience were gained.