Date a "nice guy"?

[lostbutfound4u]

I was talking to my mom this summer when I got home and was devastated over NM boy and her advice was "why can't you like a quieter, nicer guy instead of always going after these magnetic personalities?" I just brushed it off as rather impractical, considering I don't think I can really "choose" whom I'm attracted to. But since then I've at least been giving a second thought to guys I wouldn't've noticed before.

Which brings me to now. I met this guy yesterday (American) at a conference I've been at all week, and we had a nice chat at dinner, then at the concert in the evening. I thought he was sort of cute. Who knows if he's even interested. He did suggest a few things we could do together when it gets warm, like grilling in the park. The thing I noticed that scared me a bit is he reminds of this guy I went out with at home in 2006 who was REALLY nice. Nice nice nice through and through. Could never disagree with me. Never say no to me. Would change his mind deliberately to be in agreement with me. It drove me crazy and I think that's why I eventually kind of stopped being interested in him.

So, I have two questions:
1 - should I "go for it" even though I'm just mildly interested in this guy? for practice? haha.
2 - Anything I can do to curb the yes-man tendencies? Aside from passive-aggressively trying to make him disagree with me like I did with the last guy.

It takes years to really know someone, when the 'niceness' wears off a bit. Even then everything is dynamic and couples have to learn to change together, or the relationship dies. I say go for it.

[nonconformist]

Being a nice guy myself, I say that you should give him a chance!

being a nice guy really does mean you finish last. She will eventually get "bored" with you and will want to find someone who is much more "not nice". then if you are lucky she will realize she ****ed up and come crawling back.

they do not want someone who agrees to everything they like and does everything they want to do. They want and are more attracted to someone who tells her what to do and is not as predictable. If you are always nice you are predictable and girls hate that. They love unpredictability, that's why you see a lot of asshole guys that always have the girls all over them, because they are "exciting" and unpredictable".

I'm not saying be a complete asshole to her, but don't always complement her and tell her what she wants to hear. for a very simple example: If she says, "How do I look in this dress?" Don't answer yes or no. Never answer any questions unless you are being really sarcastic and not serious. Say something like "Well, let me see it on you for a while."

seriously, nice guys finish last.

[Lipp]

Nope. I mistakenly thought I would see him again at the next day of the conference we were at, but he wasn't there. We do have friends/acquaintances in common. It would take as much effort for him to get my contact info as for me to get his.

Well, with that being the case, do you consider that not wanting to chase is worth the large risk of missing out altogether?

Personally I'd say to go for it if he made a good impression, you should only expect a guy to chase if you passed your contact details (partly as a hint of interest).

[doppelgaenger]

If you like him, go out on a date with him, see if he's a pushover.

Also, using this guy as practice won't do much good for you unless you are very shy or something. It would be like taking a sling shot to a shooting range lol.

[lovesjoyajm]

If you like him, go out on a date with him, see if he's a pushover.

Also, using this guy as practice won't do much good for you unless you are very shy or something. It would be like taking a sling shot to a shooting range lol.

I don't have his contact information.

Hahah. Someone can't read.

And why wouldn't it be good practice exactly?

[lovesjoyajm]

Ok so I now have his last name (I had it wrong before). He's on Facebook, but I'm not. Don't really know how to proceed. I thought I could invite him to our local market next Saturday but I don't have any sort of avenue of communication.

Also, I think the reason I'm so scared of putting effort into this is I just don't know how interested I am and if I go inviting him places and seeming interested, then if I change my mind it's going to look like I'm just looking for attention or something. Isn't that what you guys always accuse us girls of?

[doppelgaenger]

Hahah. Someone can't read.

And why wouldn't it be good practice exactly?

Touché.

But I only read the original post.

Why wouldn't it be good practice - well if this guy is a pushover, what are you going to get out of it other than disappointment that he was like that one guy.

[vashti]

Ok so I now have his last name (I had it wrong before). He's on Facebook, but I'm not. Don't really know how to proceed. I thought I could invite him to our local market next Saturday but I don't have any sort of avenue of communication.

Also, I think the reason I'm so scared of putting effort into this is I just don't know how interested I am and if I go inviting him places and seeming interested, then if I change my mind it's going to look like I'm just looking for attention or something. Isn't that what you guys always accuse us girls of?

Why don't you just wait to see if your run into him again... surely you can arrange for this to happen? Let him be the boy.

[lovesjoyajm]

Why don't you just wait to see if your run into him again... surely you can arrange for this to happen? Let him be the boy.

I really do want to do this, I just don't know how! He is Facebook friends with some people I know but I don't really have a group of friends that he knows that I hang out with.

Hmmm.

[vashti]

Well add him as a friend on facebook and see if he accepts. Then let HIM contact you.

[lovesjoyajm]

Well add him as a friend on facebook and see if he accepts. Then let HIM contact you.

I'm not on Facebook. (Well, I have an account, but it got wiped clean through some mistake of mine a few months ago, so I have 0 information, 0 friends, 0 photos, etc. Adding him might seem a bit creepy as such.) That's what makes it difficult.

[lovesjoyajm]

On the strong advice of my two best friends, I sent him a message on Facebook, and he wrote back saying, "Hey, we have plans, like soccer viewing in FH and Irish music jamming in the park, so I am glad you found me. ... We should get together soon. Here is my number."

I was thinking about inviting him to the market I go to on Saturday, but I really DO want to listen to all your advice and let him be the boy. Did I already screw that up??
Also, I was thinking, this doesn't have much potential since we're leaving in July, I don't need a boyfriend here anyway, I'll just go for the friend route because he seems like a fun guy. But now I think that's a dumb plan.

I should've listened to you guys, but I'm pretty sure he wasn't going to find me anyway.

[vashti]

Hmmm.. I dunno. I don't think I would have contacted him first, but I realize this may be a generational position. I guess at this point, you could call him, but let HIM do the inviting out....

[lovesjoyajm]

Hmmm.. I dunno. I don't think I would have contacted him first, but I realize this may be a generational position. I guess at this point, you could call him, but let HIM do the inviting out....

Yeah, I know. The thing is, I would kind of "prefer" to be traditional and I would rather have not contacted him first, so I completely understand and agree with your point of view. In this case, it was, "be the guy or forget about it". Maybe "forget about it" would've been the better choice, but curiosity and stubbornness got the better of me. Who knows, we'll see.

So what - call him just to say hi and see if he initiates plans?

[vashti]

I'm out of my area of expertise, hun. I've never asked a man out in my life, and I will probably die never having done so. I suppose someone younger and cooler than I would tell you to just ask him out.