Date a "nice guy"?

[lovesjoyajm]

I was talking to my mom this summer when I got home and was devastated over NM boy and her advice was "why can't you like a quieter, nicer guy instead of always going after these magnetic personalities?" I just brushed it off as rather impractical, considering I don't think I can really "choose" whom I'm attracted to. But since then I've at least been giving a second thought to guys I wouldn't've noticed before.

Which brings me to now. I met this guy yesterday (American) at a conference I've been at all week, and we had a nice chat at dinner, then at the concert in the evening. I thought he was sort of cute. Who knows if he's even interested. He did suggest a few things we could do together when it gets warm, like grilling in the park. The thing I noticed that scared me a bit is he reminds of this guy I went out with at home in 2006 who was REALLY nice. Nice nice nice through and through. Could never disagree with me. Never say no to me. Would change his mind deliberately to be in agreement with me. It drove me crazy and I think that's why I eventually kind of stopped being interested in him.

So, I have two questions:
1 - should I "go for it" even though I'm just mildly interested in this guy? for practice? haha.
2 - Anything I can do to curb the yes-man tendencies? Aside from passive-aggressively trying to make him disagree with me like I did with the last guy.

[Anomaly]

Being a nice guy myself, I say that you should give him a chance!

[Spring Haze]

"Nice" doesn't automatically mean doormat. Sounds like you need to find a happy medium. It probably wouldn't hurt to go out with this guy if only once.

[kopilaber]

Nice...How nice?

See for your self first whether that person is really nice, or just hiding the intention.

[vashti]

I agree with Springhaze that there is a difference between "nice" and "doormat". I also don't see any harm in causal dating. Listen to your mom - she loves you and wants what is best for you. What have you got to lose?

Also, good for you for taking an interest in an American... much more realistic than the European guys you have previously been smitten with.

[Gigabitch]

Try to bring up some topics that most people would find incendiary and see if he's even capable of a passionate response. For instance, if you got my husband on the topic of AIG bonuses, you'd be in for an earful, and he's super nice. If a guy can get worked up about something, you've got something to work with.

Some guys just are....beige. Try to figure out if he's one of those before you waste any time.

[lovesjoyajm]

I agree with Springhaze that there is a difference between "nice" and "doormat". I also don't see any harm in causal dating. Listen to your mom - she loves you and wants what is best for you. What have you got to lose?

Also, good for you for taking an interest in an American... much more realistic than the European guys you have previously been smitten with.

Ah, you haven't heard: my former long-term outlook ("I could never marry an American") has been reformed slightly (for several reasons... need to live near my family, Germans are weird, and I <3 Americans. ) B

Anyway, I don't know if this guy is "doormat" or just nice. I don't even know if nice guy of 2 years ago was a doormat, but he was just freakishly, annoyingly nice. He said "thank you" for letting him keep his backpack on my floor, "thank you" for going to a museum with him, and "sorry" for everything else.

Might have lost my chance since I don't have this guy's contact info. And I invited him to a bar for St Paddy's Day last night and then changed my plans and went to a different bar so... if he was interested... oops. (It was pretty unlikely he'd show, but there's a chance.)

[Gigabitch]

Anyway, I don't know if this guy is "doormat" or just nice. I don't even know if nice guy of 2 years ago was a doormat, but he was just freakishly, annoyingly nice. He said "thank you" for letting him keep his backpack on my floor, "thank you" for going to a museum with him, and "sorry" for everything else.

Eeeew. How... disgusting.

[Disillusioned]

I'd move on. He sounds like a person with a crushed spirit who's had bad experiences and needs to come out of his own comfort zone, not coaxed and persuaded. He'll likely only respond by clinging harder to agreeing with you until he reaches his breaking point and that will only crush his spirit more. Him adjusting his personality to be more confrontational might not be natural to him.

[vashti]

I don't even know if nice guy of 2 years ago was a doormat, but he was just freakishly, annoyingly nice. He said "thank you" for letting him keep his backpack on my floor, "thank you" for going to a museum with him, and "sorry" for everything else.

He sound(ed) nervous to me. Maybe I need more context...

Anyway, I say give the nice guy a try if the chance arises. What would it hurt? You must be willing to kiss a few frogs, you know.

[Pectabyte]

1. No.
2. No.

[lovesjoyajm]

I'd move on. He sounds like a person with a crushed spirit who's had bad experiences and needs to come out of his own comfort zone, not coaxed and persuaded. He'll likely only respond by clinging harder to agreeing with you until he reaches his breaking point and that will only crush his spirit more. Him adjusting his personality to be more confrontational might not be natural to him.

I don't even know whom you're talking about. If it's the "thank you" and "sorry" guy, I've moved on.

Vashti - I think I might have blown my chance. I don't have his contact information... frustrating since he lives pretty close - a 10 minute walk from here, max.
I could probably get his contact info from someone else if I put some effort into it. The thing is, I'm tired of pursuing guys, and going out of my way to get his contact info kind of puts me in a place I'm tired of being. Sorry for the gender stereotypes, but I want the guy to be a guy for once.

What do you think?

[vashti]

I don't even know whom you're talking about. If it's the "thank you" and "sorry" guy, I've moved on.

Vashti - I think I might have blown my chance. I don't have his contact information... frustrating since he lives pretty close - a 10 minute walk from here, max.
I could probably get his contact info from someone else if I put some effort into it. The thing is, I'm tired of pursuing guys, and going out of my way to get his contact info kind of puts me in a place I'm tired of being. Sorry for the gender stereotypes, but I want the guy to be a guy for once.

What do you think?

Yes, if you run into him again, I'd be very encouraging but stop short of actually doing the pursuing. I'm pretty old-fashioned this way, but I have never been the "hunter" in a relationship. I like a guy with enough confidence to do it... I guess it's some sort of character test in my mind, and I like traditional roles, although I guess for a lot of people, times have changed.

[Lipp]

Did you give him your contact info though? Otherwise you're both shipwrecked in a city sea.

[lovesjoyajm]

Did you give him your contact info though? Otherwise you're both shipwrecked in a city sea.

Nope. I mistakenly thought I would see him again at the next day of the conference we were at, but he wasn't there. We do have friends/acquaintances in common. It would take as much effort for him to get my contact info as for me to get his.