Drunk actions? Do they mean anything?

[LoveWanderer]

If a guy is really interested in a girl, will he still put his friends, his hobbies ahead of her? I mean he would rather spend time playing poker than practicing with me even know he knows we really need to work on the techniques and such. Sometimes I feel he is evading.
Also I need an opinion from guys. If you are shy, what can a girl do to make you less shy, and increase the level of trust and comfort? I tried using supportive words and sweet words. Does not seem to be working. Either he hides it well or he is insensitive.

[Asip4u]

Do you know anything about his past relationships at all...Does he initiate calls, email and things like that or is it always you...If you have done a lot of this stuff, try not keeping in touch for a little while and see if he does something. A lot of times if you`re the only one trying he gets so use to it...if you stop he might miss it.

[LoveWanderer]

You guessed it right, I am usually the one writing emails first or texting first. We rarely call each other unless it is urgent.
He does not always reply my emails the same day, maybe he needs to think on top of the long days he spends in the lab. Sometimes he runs experiments till very late. I know that recently his experiments have been failing a lot, not helping his mood and focus for dancing. About 3 weeks ago, I got a foot injury during one of the dance practice and I was out of practice for 1 week, he emailed me twice to ask me how my foot was doing and also ended up calling me. Also last week, we did not see each other for 5 days before the first practice and he mentioned we hadn't met for a whole week and asking me how I had been. Do guys get too lazy when everything is done/planned for them?

As far as his past relationships go, I don't have the habit of asking people how many gfs/bfs they had and etc. I am not a big fan of talking about my own relationships either. He mentioned he had a few gfs before but he also said that usually he fell in pretty hard and then the one leaving the relationship, but that was when he was younger I guess, during his undergrad days. Maybe his relationships did not even last that long. He also told me that he spent his days studying than partying and missed out a lot of college fun when he was an undergrad.

[Gribble]

I'd guess he likes you but he's shy and embarrassed about what he did. Why don't you bring it up and see what he says. Maybe suggest going out or something.

You wimmins blabber on and on about equality. Fine. Have your equality. Grow some hypothetical balls and take a chance for once.

[LoveWanderer]

Thanks for your inputs. Unfortunately I still don't have enough posts on the forum to quality for private message so I can only post here.

I stopped contacting him except for emails that are purely "business" like which is about practice cancellation or scheduling time. Those emails are getting very short and straight to the point, they don't even start with "hi", very impersonal. But in any case we aren't practicing really this week as he has things planned for almost everyday, if not dinner with friends, it will be poker game with friends, then department get together party etc.

Well he offered to practice tomorrow night after his "work related party" as he calls it at 10:30pm. It's not unusual we meet late to practice but then I am more concerned that after partying, he will not be focused enough in practicing, then it will be wasted effort and time for my part. I feel I should just cancel it.

I know that I should be looking at quality beyond dancing skills but unfortunately we are in the line of competitive dancing. Even tho we do amateur competitions, it's still competitive dancing. Not only we compete against people against other teams, there is a lot of competition going between teammates.

I am the kind that work hard when needed and can play hard when work is done. But unfortunately he does not seem to be able to treat me like a friend after practices. I have a feeling that I remain his "dance (business) partner" on or off the floor.

[Asip4u]

That last pm i sent you, i think it's probably the case. The more you describe him it just sounds like even if he is attracted to you he doesn't think being with you is the right thing because of the fact a)you are partners b)are quite different socially. Him being all analytical is a BIG problem. If you ever get a chance try to relax that guy because that will get him to become more open. I know it's easier said then done but give it a shot.

[LoveWanderer]

I am actually not a party animal. I don't party that much, I don't even drink. That's why after 3 drinks on his birthday party, I had to run home and puked =(. But I know he goes drinking every weekend with his friends, something he really likes.

In terms of interest, I am not sure if we really have very different interests. He does dinner, BBQ, paintball, etc. type of stuff. I do that with my friends too.

As far as education goes, I have a Masters Degree and he is pursuing a PhD. While he's still in school, I work. He definitely has more exposures to parties and activities while we working people have a more peaceful and boring lifestyle. Work and go home and rest in general.

One thing he knows that I am more mature than him. I am actually a few yrs older than him even though he thought we were same age. Everyone thinks I am 25 including my manager and coworkers!

[LoveWanderer]

Also for his birthday, I drew a bday card for him instead of buying one from the store. I also got him a polo from Armani Exchange. Unfortunately I asked him if he had a chance to wear it when I met up with him on Sunday, he said no because the shirt was too nice and he had no occasion to wear it.

One thing I noticed though. He used to be very forgetful, he does not remember much about things people tell him, so I could be saying something to him today and he would have forgotten it the next day. It's all about selective memory.

But recently I noticed his memory improved and he'd remember much more stuff that I said before. Not sure if that's good or bad signs.

[Asip4u]

Other people can have a impact on your social life so i wonder how much of that has to do with him not being interested...friends telling him stuff that he should do and so on.. You mention being older by few years even though he thought you were same age. Maybe that bothers him? You seem really nice to him and everything..I can't figure out what's wrong with him! lol

[LoveWanderer]

He actually does not know exactly how much older I am. I told him at least 3 yrs more. I have no idea what bothers him. He's hard to read. Sigh.

But he told me he was the lazy type. His bike is semi broken with one side of the brake broken, I already told him that for his own safety and for all the people around him that cared for him, he'd better fix it or replace it. But then I guess that's not important to him, he said he was too lazy to do so.

I know that what a guy thinks and what a girl thinks can be very different but maybe he is trying to avoid me right now?

Honestly in competitive dancing, practicing once a week for 2 hours is way too little. From that stand point, I am very much tempted to go find another partner regardless of how I feel about him. =(

Do guys don't like to read long emails? What does it exactly mean to give "space" to a guy?

[IndiReloaded]

He's lazy, forgetful & overanalytical. Hmmm...

Well, just so you know, generally these traits don't change in a person. So, do yourself a favour and decide whether the other things about him will compensate for his lack in these areas. Are you prepared to remind him about your birthday or anniversary, an upcoming social event, the fact that his underwear is full of holes & he should get some new ones? Are you the sort that will just get his bike fixed for him, or will you nag him to distraction? Or let him pitchpole over a car so he can learn his own lesson? Are you prepared to be the one to try and get him to relax? Do you have enough self-possession to not be bothered by his mental twitches or criticisms?

I'm just mentioning these things b/c it seems like you are already forming a list of his undesirable traits. They obviously concern you enough to make a post about them. The next step is to decide whether they might be a real problem for you down the road. Again, don't delude yourself to think any of those things might change. They won't.

The age difference seems small in comparision. Good luck.

[Asip4u]

A lot of that stuff is so true about me too Indi so in a way i hate that post..hehe..but when you're right you're right!

[IndiReloaded]

Asip, a lot of folks (esp very bright ones) have those traits. My post hit the mark b/c its familiar territory to me. Its only bad news when the negatives outweigh the positives. I bet this fellow has a lot of good traits, (I could guess but that's for the OP to think about). Wanderer just needs to make sure she's not deluding herself about changing him, and then being honest with herself about how much these things bother her (or not).

[LoveWanderer]

Indi I think you are very right. Those traits are probably typically to scientists that will forever hide in the lab. He can sometimes even even be on the verge of forgetting to go to conferences his advisor's asked him to attend. Well yeh at the beginning when we first met, he kept on forgetting about my birthday but he finally remembers it. I guess because there is a correlation between his and mine which made it easy for him to remember, my bday is 2 months after his, same day.
Well one very fundamental thing between him and me is our Myers Briggs J and P factor. I am a J (Judging), I tend to like planning things ahead of time, and put more organization in my thoughts. As a P (Perceptive), he likes going with the flow and makes decision spontanouisly. I mean I like marking all my appointments of the week and know whom I will be meeting up with this week, where, and when. I make time for people. Well my time is valuable. It can be quite stressful when I try to plan a group outing and he's constantly on the "maybe" side.
I am giving up on making anymore advice, suggestion. I seriously feel like a Mentor or even a Mother when I do that!

From my experience most females I know tend to be more planned, organized. Do you know many females that are confused in their mind and tends to go with the flow? Which kind of girls do they value more? The organized one or the disorganized ones?

[SignsAndStars]

Just thought Id add my well-educated opinion. Drunken thoughts/feelings are just thoughts/feelings without a filter.