Should I let her go?? Or keep on fighting for her??

[RyanDaniels]

Hey man,

I'm really sorry that you're going through this, because I know that you're hurting and are unsure about what to do right now.

I obviously don't know you personally, but you should know that everything that you've done is completely normal and rational. Your reaction to the breakup is classic. All I know about your situation is what you've posted, but I'm going to assume that your goal is to mend the relationship and bring her back. So if it's alright, I'd like to give you a few things that you can do right this train:

The suggestion was made that you should not contact her anymore. I'm going to disagree and say that there is ONE more mode of contact that you should do: you need to establish good terms.

Up until this point, you have been the pursuer, but if you want to bring her back, you need to allow her to pursue you. It's counter-intuitive, but if you're open to the psychology of this, it'll work. Hear me out...

Right now, you're on poor terms, because you've done the drunk dialing thing and the text message terrorism and the emails and stuff, which (in her mind) means that you're begging. This will never, ever bring her back, and we need to reverse it.

Instead of leaving it be, I suggest one more means of contact: the hand written letter. No begging allowed, no foolish promises are allowed, and no suggestions about the future. Simply state that you're at peace with the breakup and that you realize that this was best for the both of you. That's your opening move, because it re-establishes good terms.

That will help to alleviate some of the tension that has been created by your attempts to win her back. She will never come back to you unless she DESIRES it, but there are psychological things that you can do in order to make her want to make things right (but please, only use them for GOOD, ok?).

I'm ranting a bit, but I do write a bit about the psychology of getting your ex back and repairing relationships. See my blog in my signature.

Sit tight, man... your situation is not uncommon, and you absolutely can reverse and overcome this (and get her back!).

[imthedjone]

Hey man,

I'm really sorry that you're going through this, because I know that you're hurting and are unsure about what to do right now.

I obviously don't know you personally, but you should know that everything that you've done is completely normal and rational. Your reaction to the breakup is classic. All I know about your situation is what you've posted, but I'm going to assume that your goal is to mend the relationship and bring her back. So if it's alright, I'd like to give you a few things that you can do right this train:

The suggestion was made that you should not contact her anymore. I'm going to disagree and say that there is ONE more mode of contact that you should do: you need to establish good terms.

Up until this point, you have been the pursuer, but if you want to bring her back, you need to allow her to pursue you. It's counter-intuitive, but if you're open to the psychology of this, it'll work. Hear me out...

Right now, you're on poor terms, because you've done the drunk dialing thing and the text message terrorism and the emails and stuff, which (in her mind) means that you're begging. This will never, ever bring her back, and we need to reverse it.

Instead of leaving it be, I suggest one more means of contact: the hand written letter. No begging allowed, no foolish promises are allowed, and no suggestions about the future. Simply state that you're at peace with the breakup and that you realize that this was best for the both of you. That's your opening move, because it re-establishes good terms.

That will help to alleviate some of the tension that has been created by your attempts to win her back. She will never come back to you unless she DESIRES it, but there are psychological things that you can do in order to make her want to make things right (but please, only use them for GOOD, ok?).

I'm ranting a bit, but I do write a bit about the psychology of getting your ex back and repairing relationships. See my blog in my signature.

Sit tight, man... your situation is not uncommon, and you absolutely can reverse and overcome this (and get her back!).

Thats the thing i havent done any of the things you said. never drunked dialed never texted all the time, never called all the time. I literally sent three emails and one bday wish, and i got nothing. so after i contacted her to say happy birthday and got no response, i stopped. I mean how do you reverse it when i you cant control the other persons actions or thoughts. she is back at school for her last year in college, and she is RA a new dorm which i really dont know the address to, so the letter is out of the question. How about an email? and plus after the email then what?? how will that stir things up and get her to some how change her mind?

[RyanDaniels]

I recommend a letter if at all possible.

You can't control her actions, but you can arouse her emotions using some psychology.

On my blog, I link to a video and book that I think will really help you out.

There's plenty that you can do after good grounds are established, but we need to get to that point first.

[imthedjone]

I recommend a letter if at all possible.

You can't control her actions, but you can arouse her emotions using some psychology.

On my blog, I link to a video and book that I think will really help you out.

There's plenty that you can do after good grounds are established, but we need to get to that point first.

ok thats assuming that the emotions you arouse are good or if you get any arousal at all in her emotions. I mean if i havent aroused any emotion with the attempts i did in the beginning, how wil a letter arouse anything?

I mean i dont really know if i get a reaction from her at all. ok so say i send the letter, if i get no reaction or response then what do i do??

And the thing is still i dont have her address so sending a letter is impossible.

[chickprincess]

Maybe she's not contented. Some people are like that. They'll meet someone who can give them "what" they need that other one can't. Someday she'll realize your worth. Just give her time to think on her own instead of nagging her about you wanting her back. It will just worsen the situation.

[lucyinthesky]

Man, you can't just give up, especially after that long. She's probably trying to send you some kind of signal that you aren't picking up. In my experience it's (obviously) really hard to pick up womens' signals.

[imthedjone]

Man, you can't just give up, especially after that long. She's probably trying to send you some kind of signal that you aren't picking up. In my experience it's (obviously) really hard to pick up womens' signals.

see i thought that......like this is a test of how much i really care for her or something. but i dont know maybe it isnt. it would be a lot easier to figure her out if there was contact between the two of us.

[spicker]

you're wasting your time, move on.

[L0stL0ve]

In my opinion, she wanted more experience, meaning she wants to go out and have fun being single, it doesn't necessary mean she wants to sleep with other guys and all that. It means she wants to have fun with no strings attached. She don't want to have to second think what she's doing because what she does might hurt u..

I just turned 21 myself, and me n my bf of 4.5 years broke up, and it's not because I wanted to have fun..but it was him. We were high school sweethearts and..he told me..he didnt know if he can commit and he's no longer happy in the relationship because there are so many problems and fights. But come to realize, its not because we have problems and fights, it's because..going to parties, drinking, meeting new people gave him more of a freedom something where he doesnt have to worry about. Where he doesn't have to go home and realize that he has to think about what he did and if it was appropriate

I had a friend who went out with one of my best girlfriends and he told me "i love her to death and she will be the girl i marry if i was older right now, but i just want to have fun and have more experience right now"

I know it really hurts to know that because it's been almost 2 months of my breakup and..it still hurts, but i've accepted the break up..me and my ex have mutual friends, we attend the same university, i would run into him every so often but i try my best to avoid and ignore him not because i hate him for what he's done but bc i know if i keep talkin to him or attempt to be friends, it'll keep hurting and..it's going to be another reason you can't and won't able to let go.

Let her have her fun, if she comes back she will, but my advice is, dont wait for it, because it might never happen, move on with life without her. I totally understand that you love her and you would give up anything for her, cuz i wouldve gave up anything to be with my ex boyfriend..but sometimes LOVE isn't enough...I personally don't think she's giving you mix signals or trying to test you out, she just don't really want anything to do with you anymore because..truth is, you guys arent together and she's taken the first step to move on.

Someone once told me that it's possible to fall out of love and in love with the same person again. It's fate, if it happens it willl, but dont dwell on it, dont wait on it..you shouldn't torture yourself like that because in the end, its you who really matters. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.

Best wishes.

[imthedjone]

In my opinion, she wanted more experience, meaning she wants to go out and have fun being single, it doesn't necessary mean she wants to sleep with other guys and all that. It means she wants to have fun with no strings attached. She don't want to have to second think what she's doing because what she does might hurt u..

I just turned 21 myself, and me n my bf of 4.5 years broke up, and it's not because I wanted to have fun..but it was him. We were high school sweethearts and..he told me..he didnt know if he can commit and he's no longer happy in the relationship because there are so many problems and fights. But come to realize, its not because we have problems and fights, it's because..going to parties, drinking, meeting new people gave him more of a freedom something where he doesnt have to worry about. Where he doesn't have to go home and realize that he has to think about what he did and if it was appropriate

I had a friend who went out with one of my best girlfriends and he told me "i love her to death and she will be the girl i marry if i was older right now, but i just want to have fun and have more experience right now"

I know it really hurts to know that because it's been almost 2 months of my breakup and..it still hurts, but i've accepted the break up..me and my ex have mutual friends, we attend the same university, i would run into him every so often but i try my best to avoid and ignore him not because i hate him for what he's done but bc i know if i keep talkin to him or attempt to be friends, it'll keep hurting and..it's going to be another reason you can't and won't able to let go.

Let her have her fun, if she comes back she will, but my advice is, dont wait for it, because it might never happen, move on with life without her. I totally understand that you love her and you would give up anything for her, cuz i wouldve gave up anything to be with my ex boyfriend..but sometimes LOVE isn't enough...I personally don't think she's giving you mix signals or trying to test you out, she just don't really want anything to do with you anymore because..truth is, you guys arent together and she's taken the first step to move on.

Someone once told me that it's possible to fall out of love and in love with the same person again. It's fate, if it happens it willl, but dont dwell on it, dont wait on it..you shouldn't torture yourself like that because in the end, its you who really matters. You deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you.

Best wishes.

the difference between your end in your relationship and mine, is that he gave you a reason, he gave you closure in way. I never got closure. She said she wanted experience ok, so i asked whether she wanted to be single or not, she said no she doesnt want to be single. Then two days after that converstaion we broke up and i havent heard from her since. She just walked without saying a word.

[imthedjone]

bro lisen to me iam 18 well u see if u love her really lisen continued your fight it may hurt a
lot but never losed hope if u deserve to get her she will be urs this liife is so cruel but jut beleve in

i wish life was that easy lol. i wish that when you fight for things you actually get it. but thats not true at all.

[ghostshell06]

how am i supposed to do that?? she wouldnt even answer my emails and calls in the early stages of the break up. I doubt she will now if i start contacting her again. Any advice on how to do that? also any advice on how to do it without pushing her further away and without begging.

Just give her space for now. A time to think things up. After that find a way to meet her personally then approach her. Find a better way that was not obvious for her that your meeting was just a set up. . Just stop sending e-mails as well phone calls for now this might push her away further or she might be annoyed with all that e-mails and phone calls.

[cloud96]

Yeah mate, sounds like she's young and wants to go mess around with other guys. Think about it, she was 16 when you met her, now she is in college. She probably hadn't been with many guys before you, now she wants to do what all her other friends are doing in college, mess around with a bunch of dudes probably. Sucks doesn't it? That's the Western way though. Blame it on MTV and all those evil rock and or roll videos

Put yourself in her shoes, if you hadn't experienced a range of girls you'd probably want to do it in college right? After that, thats pretty much it. You're out in the working world, soon you'll be married and she'd be popping out kids likely. On the one hand it seems like a good idea to let her get it out of her system, hopefully she will realize that you are the one she really wants to be with before too long and she will come back.

On the other hand, you don't want to just let the love of your life walk out like that on you never to be seen again do you? You'd probably regret that. Maybe she really is the one for you and you are the one for her, but she ends up with some controlling guy who is better at mind tricks than you were and she ends up living out the rest of her days with him. Could happen no?

I've had the experience where I've tried to get a girl back and everything I did just pushed her away more. I've also let a girl go and she never came back and I regretted it for a while. I'd say the solution is somewhere in between.

An earlier poster gave pretty good advice about getting on good terms with her I think. Try to get her address to send her a letter. Call up the college and ask for her mailbox number, look it up on the uni site at the student directory, whatever you have to do. Say you are her brother/father and you want to send a surprise care package. Ask her friend. That would show you spent some effort. At the same time, the paper could leave an air of finality to it if worded right, like a "this is the last time you'll hear from me" feel. And yes, of course you cannot come off as begging (I know you only tried a few times but her perception is likely that you are trying to win her back, and in those emails, you were, weren't you?). I would first try to cast my ego aside, and accept that she might not come back, come to terms with that. You need to be in the proper mindstate. Accept she will screw around with other guys. You may wait around for a while but you won't wait forever. You will do the best you can to set the stage for her to come back soon but you have to let her make her own decision. ALso, look at it as a gift, here is your chance to have some time on your own to think/ go after that other girl that's been eyeing you/ go experiment.

In the letter I'd probably say something like "I'm writing this letter to let you know I'm giving you your space like we talked about so you can have experiences. I said earlier I needed closure, now I have my closure. It will be hard since there are so many girls interested in me (i.e. make yourself seem desireable without being obvious), but I'll wait for you till the end of the semester (or whatever), if I don't hear anything from you, then I can't say that I'll wait anymore. Time is too precious, i hope you have fun blah blah blah Au revoir, adios, till the next life, goodbye - imthedjone

point is, don't come off as pursuing, make yourself seem subtly desireable, hint that you won't be contacting her again and be a little bit vague and confusing so that she has to think about it but she won't understand what you mean unless she contacts you. Unless you're a master seducer, I think that's about all you can do.

Then leave it up to God. If she contacts you back you can get your closure and either continue or move on. If she doesn't, you're closure is that she said she wanted you to wait because she wanted you as plan b in case things didnt work out with plan a guy, and when she said she wanted to be single either she didn't have the guts to tell you straight out or else she wanted a steady boyfriend, just not you. You don't need her to give you closure you've got to be a man and do things yourself sometimes.

Good luck I hope this helps. THere's plenty of fish in the sea

[imthedjone]

So i know this thread is old. but i finally saw my ex after five months. It was in our best friends wedding. I was the best man and she the maid of honor. I saw the ex like three times this week because of it. things were going well. it felt the same. I still felt a connection with her.it was great......we laughed and flirted and danced. i sent her an apology letter. i mean of course i didnt expect to get back with her over night.

it still felt right being with her. theres no way it was that it was only because the wedding. it still felt like we are supposed to be together. but then dumbass me. i talk to her drunk later on in the night. and i think it was bad. i rmemeber her saying that we wont be together again.


im so confused. then why act like that towards me??!! to give me false hope?? seriously. what do i do?? what is going on?? hahaha. theres no way she didnt feel anything. the whole time she was looking at me.....smiling.

I sent her also an email......again last night. Saying: "I just want to let you know it was a good to see you these past few days. I never really got the chance to tell you last night, but you looked beautiful. I was also pretty impressed, you learned some dance moves lol "

I didnt think that I still had feelings for her. I want her back.

[michaelarwas]

at this point dont be talking about your relationship or whether you'll be together again. Seduce her like you would if you had just met her and see what happens.