My girlfriend is married and her husband was just diagnosed with terminal cancer.

[doppelgaenger]

This is ****ing bananas.

[Mish]

We live in the US and health insurance and Divorce cost a lot of money that they don't really have.

Do-it-yourself divorce kits

There's no law that says you have to hire an attorney. You can purchase a divorce kit if you feel that you and your spouse can rationally come to an agreement on who will get what. It's perfect for the couple who has nothing to dispute and no children.

The kits generally include legal forms that cover a variety of details such as personal property and real estate, alimony and name changes. You file the finished documents with the court and make an appearance before a judge to explain your reasoning. The divorce becomes final when the judge signs the documents.

The kits range from $25 to $70 and are valid in many states and Washington.

"Each state is different, and each one has different legal forms. In getting a divorce kit, I would use caution and get one that is particular to your state," says Ginita Wall of San Diego, a Certified Public Accountant who specializes in divorce.

[url]http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/advice/19990903a.asp[/url]


High divorce cost doesn't sound like a valid reason to me.

[vashti]

oh stop it, mish. Now is a terrible time to initiate divorce.

[Mish]

oh stop it, mish. Now is a terrible time to initiate divorce.

Yeh it is. All I'm saying is he should leave her alone because her argument that she "couldn't" divorce a husband who left her 2 years ago doesn't seem right. If she really wanted to divorce him she would've found a way a long time ago. Everything else is just excuses.

[doppelgaenger]

Who wants to be with a woman who would do what she's doing to the man she is supposed to love and honor? Yuck. I would say **** that. Very distasteful in my book. I hope the same thing happens to that bitch when she's in her dying bed.

[IndiReloaded]

I just fear that when she goes to him and sees him in that state she'll will start feeling pity and sadness and remember all the good times they had and have something happen. I don't know how long this will last, maybe even years. Heck he might have a miracle and be cancer free, then what?

So what do you suggest? She dump him cold? Is this really the kind of woman you want for yourself?

Ah, man, I feel for you. The myriad ways people torture themselves never ceases to amaze me. This is like a scene out of a soap opera.

What you want is reassurance from her that she will continue to live with you, love you, and that any help she gives her soon-to-be ex is just as friends, right? So, just talk to her about all this. Hopefully she can reassure you, tho, realistically I think you should consider walking away until her divorce or equivalent papers are in-hand.

[vashti]

Who wants to be with a woman who would do what she's doing to the man she is supposed to love and honor? Yuck. I would say **** that. Very distasteful in my book. I hope the same thing happens to that bitch when she's in her dying bed.

What exactly is she doing that's so awful? He left her. Was she supposed to sit around and wait for him forever?

[Gribble]

Clearly she was supposed to follow wherever he went and offer herself to him on those lonely nights when he struck out at the bar and had no better prospects. Don't you know anything?

[shyromantic]

so which end of the shit sandwich are you going to take a bite from op?

This is a good opportunity to show her how mature, understanding, and compassionate you are, let her help him. that way he's more inclined to make sure this bankruptcy thing doesn't affect her. the best thing you can do is support her through this emotional roller coaster.

...besides if you don't she might think you're being irrational and selfish and go help him anyway.

[Papote]

Sadly, we decided to end the relationship but not on this reason solely. I really can't take this turmoil right now. I have been feeling that she has been drifting away for some time. We decided to stay friends, but not sure how long that will last.
Thanks everyone for your advices.

[Cbrider]

Sadly, we decided to end the relationship but not on this reason solely. I really can't take this turmoil right now. I have been feeling that she has been drifting away for some time. We decided to stay friends, but not sure how long that will last.
Thanks everyone for your advices.

Depending on the nature of the relationship, this was probably your best course of action. To me, it didn't look like this was going to end well in any form. Good luck.

[Gigabitch]

I agree that ending it was a good idea. You sound about as needy as her husband, nad she can't get torn in half like this much longer. I think if you had just simmered down about it, the likelihood of them "rekindling and consummating" was pretty slim, but you wanted to believe it, didn't you?

[Papote]

Like I said it wasn’t entirely on the reason of the husband. I just was starting to feel torn between her mother, her husband and the old widowed family friend. All of a sudden she has taken akin to the guy’s two kids (10 and 4 years old). She was always obsessed with having children but I don’t want any. The guy is a neighbor and is 20 some odd years older than her and is loaded. She says she sees him as a family member and I always respected and believed that. But lately it has escalated as going to one of his family member’s party until late (2:00am) then the week later she spent the Labor Day weekend on an island to take care of the kids while he ran some errands there. I was a bit jealous because she never invited me and I called and she didn’t respond, only I after I send her some angry messages. She would say that she had to hide the phone from the kids since they would start to play with it. Later the guy asked her to help the eldest kid with school work and it escalated to taking care of the kids until he arrived home. It really bothered me the last time we went out that her mom kept calling her reminding her that she had to help the kid with her homework. We had a huge fight because I started getting jealous, but really it is very odd relationship she has with him and right after we started to have a fall out. She doesn’t get paid for taking care of the kids because she doesn’t want to. So the guy has offered her to pay her tuition, health insurance, and stuff. Right now after we broke up she told me that she is starting to work part time with him making invoices and stuff. I would tell her that I didn’t like the relationship she was having all of a sudden with the guy and she would get very angry and reiterate that he could be her father and was like a family member. What is going on with this woman?

I don’t know if she has gone to help her husband, but I do know that she IS still going through the divorce. We hardly talk anymore.

[CocoChanel]

I'm sorry but... if the husband doesn't even know that she has moved on for 2 damn years!!
Why would she hide it from her "husband that she can't divorce who happens to be loaded?"
Is this "husband" summoning her to his bedside or is she just wanting to go be with him?
If this man is "loaded" he has the money to divorce and he doesn't want to because he wants to own her.
That would explain why he doesn't know about Papote.
This girl is no fool.

[Papote]

The loaded guy is the is the widowed family friend neighbor. Not the husband, he is pretty much a deadbeat.